Blog Posts from "Marnacleez" - Gameriot.com

Talking with the Gorefiend Greats

no.spam@gameriot.com (Marnacleez) — Fri, 15 May 2009 17:00:10 -0400

A Question of Server Pride

Since the introduction of cross-realm battlegrounds and the Battlegroup organization system, the emphasis on individual servers has become outmoded. In the old days, communities of capable guilds defined their servers; Nurfed with their roaming PvP videos, for example, or the sheer amount of notorious players on the original servers. Widespread server transfers further diluted these concentrated pockets of infamy, and now, years later, what are we left with? Accomplishments in raiding lend a certain prestige to a realm, but let's face it: the true celebrities since the release of TBC have been the arena all-stars.

Recently, a Death Knight with the unlikely name of Otterpoop--a guildmate of mine--was featured on WoW Insider. The point of the interview must have completely gone over my head; apparently Death Knights did well in Season 5, and some of them are still doing well in Season 6. I'm glad they had to interview one random Death Knight to get this point across. Don't get me wrong, I know the guy; he's a good player, but this ham-handed article left a bad taste in my mouth. I mean, seriously, "Otter than Hell"? "You Otter Know Better"? Get the **** out of here. I have been rubbing elbows with (and riding the coat tails of) eminent Gorefiend players for years now, and in the following interviews I will attempt to deduce what makes these individuals tick, what separates them from the herd, and what gives them the right to the coveted title of 'server celebrity'.

For my first interview, to represent Gorefiend Horde, I went with long-time friends Terrorz and Ehto, a couple that have been together since Season 2. They've achieved an impressive three-time Gladiator in both 2v2 and 3v3, and topped the enviable SK-Gaming Top 100 List during their peak in Season 3. Currently, they're running a Druid/Warrior composition in 2v2 with a rating of 2512. As an old acquaintance I was afforded the privilege of meeting the duo face-to-face at Terrorz's beach house in Malibu. It's an impressive stucco structure reminiscent of Tijuana with its red shingled roof and the vague, omnipresent smell of burritos. The two had just finished a long day of arena and I met them on the patio for Coronas in the waning California sun.

I thanked them cordially for their time and made my way out of there; I had to catch the red-eye back to New York and I didn't want to spend any more time here than I had to. Every time I take a trip to California, whether personal or professional, the experience is always surreal. The atmosphere is heady and decadent, intoxicating. The plane ride home was like being woken from a dream that bordered on nightmare. Here were two pairs of players from my server, two dynamic duos that had risen to the top--they were so different and yet there was a similar thread that bound them together. An alpha male and his adoring servant in both situations, one making decisions and one happy to have those decisions made for them. It made me think about two people playing together as a team, about the strains Arena celebrity status places on relationships, and most of all about the look in Priestzor's eyes that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

The Triumphant Return of Arms

no.spam@gameriot.com (Marnacleez) — Sat, 09 May 2009 20:04:20 -0400

Ever since my last post I have been harboring a deep desire to immerse myself in this blog once more, to tentatively dip my hoof in the murky waters and try to plot a course through the tangled web of big-name players, sponsorships, recent patches, class balance and all of the other juicy stories that entertain us as a community. It's very hard to cover new ground concerning a game that does not change on a daily basis, and most of the quality posts are rehashed reports taken from the headliners. The most you can do is present the over-saturated information that everyone's already heard in a new voice, with your own thoughts, and hope that it's good enough. It rarely is.

I had an epiphany that what readers truly crave is consistency, whether the blog be good or bad, consistency so that they could either support it or mock it on a regular basis. Unfortunately, my hopes and dreams were crushed in estrus. Some time ago I discovered--purely by accident--that my computer harbored some virulent plague, the engineers of which were eagerly traipsing through my personal and private information. Hanging out in vent one night, playing a little DotA, and someone offhandedly asks me if I'd like to do something in WoW; I tell them that I'm playing a different game, in fact, I'm not even logged into the World of Warcraft. They begged to differ. I managed to change the password in time to log in and there was my character, all of my bank contents emptied into my bags, standing helplessly before the guild bank vault in Dalaran. I am an officer, after all, and I have access to the manifold treasures contributed by our motley crew.

With another, uninfected computer I was able to secure my account and my e-mail, as well as my other delicate online holdings, while I reformatted my main machine. The whole experience was surreal and unsettling, and throughout the long process of wiping my hard drive and reinstalling software (including the rather torturous process of patching WoW in a single sitting) I was afforded a lot of time to think. How had I contracted this sinister virus in the first place? Was it from a site I trusted, and would visit again? Moreover, why was the hacker standing helplessly in front of my guild bank with no bag space whatsoever? What was his plan? Was he simply staking out our wealth, a preliminary inspection before the looting began? It was all very eerie. I now know what people feel like after their homes have been burgled. I felt exposed, vulnerable, violated. I felt like a rape victim, and the reformatting process was an electric douche that washed my despoiled privates clean of invading seed. Moving on:

Arms Warriors

As a long-time mediocre warrior and staunch supporter of the class, I was giddy with delight in anticipation of 3.1, and each successive batch of patch notes only heightened my excitement. I had no problem with Fury, per se. It was a tremendously successful build for raiding purposes. It really wasn't that bad for Arena, either; the controlled burst potential of Fury, with Death Wish, Recklessness and two consecutive intercepts could win a game in one deft stroke. Of course people wised up to such cooldown-dependent play early on and Season 5 was unquestionably the darkest period for Warriors in Arena history. The showing was just extremely poor. Many great Warriors, who had always succeeded in the previous seasons, suddenly found that the road to glory had grown impassible. There were a handful of Warrior/Paladin teams that still managed to compete, but that composition was entirely dependent on the indefatigable Paladin class. Compared to most other popular Paladin/X comps, namely the early strength of Paladin/Hunter and the overall dominance of Paladin/Death Knight, the Warrior came up short.

The 2nd, 3rd and 4th-highest 2v2 teams on BG9 are warrior teams, just for example. On the SK-100, Warriors are tied with Shamans for #2 representation after Priests. It's no mystery as to why warriors are back on top.

Arms is simply more fun to play in PvP, and it always has been. Unrelenting Assault, Taste for Blood and the whole revamped mechanics of Rend and Overpower gave the class some real control. Since the playstyle dictates Battle Stance, the demands of rage management and smart stance switches for intercept and pummel have returned. I think the change to Charge has yielded the most impact, however. Warriors have always been an extremely mobile class, and Intervene was a great addition in TBC. The new Charge continues in that tradition of giving warriors the ability to switch targets seamlessly and maintain battlefield mobility in the wake of crowd control/snares that are so detrimental to the class. As well as giving warriors a stun that can be used in combat every 12 seconds (glyphed) in combination with intercept and pummel for possible lockouts, it also generates rage and makes the next Mortal Strike a guaranteed critical. Sort of a miniature, automatic version of Fury's controlled burst.

The real strength of the warrior, of course, has always been the strength of his healer. The survivability and mobile healing power of Druids has surpassed anything we've seen before, and they are more powerful than they were during Season 3. They may no longer have the ability to flawlessly kite, but now they don't need to. The return of Warrior/Druid to prominence will be a defining legacy of Season 6. Despite my satisfaction, I have a feeling that warriors may have been given one too many tools, and as the class scales with gear (not necessarily PvE gear, but mostly the 2350-rating 2Handers), their devastating potential will become more and more apparent.

Blizzard was so quick to get a handle on Priest/Rogue that I fear the same might happen whenever a comp shows dominance in a bracket. Priest/Rogue should always be a competitive composition, the two classes have an inherent synergy, and I think the changes, while necessarily, may have been a bit steep. I am confident that any Priest/Rogue team worth their salt will continue to perform, at least until the Rogue meets a Druid and swaps healers.

Ulduar

I won't spend too much time on the topic, but I thought the dungeon merited a mention. I've had a lot of fun so far and I think Blizzard did a great job on this one. It's ten steps above the lackluster rehash of Naxxramas, though I have the feeling that different teams developed different fights. I agree with the philosophy that normal mode should be doable but not puggable, and hard mode should be the stomping grounds for the cream of the crop, but some of the fights are way too simple. It came as no surprise that they made Flame Leviathan a complete joke as a result of all of the people whining about a mandatory vehicle fight. In fact, all of the bosses are pretty much a joke up until Mimiron.

In addendum to the earlier Arms comments, it's a blast to play for raiding. It's not so much a rotation-dependent spec as it is an exercise in prioritizing, but it requires more of a focus than Fury. I still have mixed feelings about the game's direction, as most of the old developers have moved on to Blizzard's new next-gen MMO project and have left our current addiction in the hands of pimply interns and unwashed temps, but the major problems with the game (basically Season 5) seem to have been rectified. Rarely has Blizzard made so many mistakes with class balance, and I hope that the top men they've got on the job are learning things along the way.

The Asian Equation

no.spam@gameriot.com (Marnacleez) — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 06:46:22 -0500

East Meets West in World of Warcraft

The topic of goldfarmers has been a heated one over the lifespan of WoW. It's hard to look at the issue from the perspective of a journalist, which hinges on the complete absence of bias, considering I play the game (though not very well, admittedly). Despite Blizzard having declared all-out war against the menace, even taking the battle to them (the destruction of E-Bay as a tool for these creatures), these nefarious imps manage to evade every net that Big Blue throws their way, perhaps due to the semitranslucent layer of greed that coats their skin.

The story I'd like to relate to you, corresponding with the visual aid to the right, happened to a guildmate recently. After one of our daring forays into the citadel of Naxxrammas, my buddy here went back to town and was assaulted by a goldfarmer, who insisted that he take 5,000 gold pieces for no reason. Despite being flustered, he initially agreed to the transaction, but capitulated later on and mailed it back. Apparently the gold was a delivery for someone on a different server with the same name. I wonder, do these little corporate foibles happen often? Do people keep the money? Would you? I assume that the gold distributor in question, upon realizing his mistake, would have just reported my friend there for buying gold, had he not returned it. He would have no way of disproving the allegation, as the logs would clearly state that he accepted 5,000 gold from a female Orc named Ggvc of the guild <ohyesyes>.

It's frightening to think that these sinister transactions are happening all around us, and one false move would leave us vulnerable to the undiscerning ire of Blizzard: terrible is their wrath, and blind are they in their fury, annihilating everything in their path when the mushu pork scent of a goldfarmer is detected.

The goldfarmer problem has been around as long as MMOs have, though I don't think it has ever before reached the staggering profit margins allowed by World of Warcraft. A more pressing concern is the fact that the goldfarmers are lumped into one huge pile with people who sell their accounts only to steal them back in an act of deft scammery afforded by websites such as Markeedragon and others. Most of them are probably regular players who have been using these methods to make a quick buck for a long time. To the rest of us, the entire category is labeled with the deragatory "Asians"; some unseen culprit working against the honest American to deprive them of their gaming pastime. Sure, a lot of the keyloggers and no doubt some of the account scammers are probably employed by these gold-selling companies, but the simple fact is that a negative stereotype has been created as a direct result of Blizzard games altogether.

One of the most common stereotypes, besides the goldfarmer? The notorious Korean, omnipresent on Battlenet, always thirsting for roundeye blood. Their favorite haunt is the battlefield on distant worlds in the form of Starcraft; always playing as the Zerg, always rushing, always typing ridiculous things like "kekekeke". Their broken English and affection for early-game massing has earned them a reputation, and it is compounded by jealousy on our part. Starcraft, among other games, is taken very seriously as a hobby in that culture. A lot of them are phenomenal players. The truth stings.

Don't be fooled by the canny generalizations of the white oppressor. Let's take a moment, together, and reflect on some of the rewards that Asia has seen fit to bestow upon our ignorant culture. It's their determination and work ethic that defines them in a positive light. Why are their academic scores so infuriatingly high? Why is their micro so infallible, their sharingan so flawless? Who do you think built the railroads that brought this country into the industrial revolution?

Jackie Chan

Everyone loves Jackie Chan. He is considered the greatest martial artist in the history of the world. It's not simply because he's Asian. He's worked his whole life, non-stop, training on mountains in Tibet and learning the ancient secrets of kung fu. He is now one of the richest men in the world, and his personal friends include such superstars as Chris Tucker and Bret Ratner. Don't tell me you didn't like Rush Hour 2, or I'll know that you're lying.

Panda Express

One of the best examples of fine Asian cuisine we have access to. One of my weekly rituals is a trip to the mall where I peruse the classical literature section in Borders, maybe pick up a new pair of extra-stretch sweatpants from JC Penny, and stop to grab some PE on the way out. It's authentic, it's delicious, it's affordable. My top pick: Sweet and sour chicken.

Lloyd from "Entourage"

Not only is he a snappy dresser, but he provides a taste of wit and charm that is unbeatable in terms of prime-time television. He's Mongolian and he loves ****, having been lovingly dubbed as Ari Gold's "Gaysian" assistant. If thinking this guy is cute with a capital Q makes me gay, then drop your pants and show me where to suck.

Asian Women

Yeah, I'm not going to deny it. There's no way around it, frankly. Nothing excites the pale, socially inept white boy like the thought of an Oriental goddess floating into his room on a cloud of opium smoke and making him a real man. They're cute, they're smart, they're exotic. There's really nothing we, as a culture, don't like about them. Not only are they some of the most exquisite-looking females in the entire world, they have the whole Geisha thing going for them, which is basically a high-class hooker that won't give you chlamydia. Plus, I hear they really dig fat gamers. The only drawback is the whole foot-binding thing. I'm really into feet, if you know what I mean.

Unfortunately, as much as I wish to discount any negatives on the topic, there are certain truths that cannot be escaped. Stereotypes in general are a bad idea, but in order to break them down so that we no longer have these ignorant divisions in our American melting pot, we have to understand the cause. I already touched on goldfarmers, which are more sympathetic creatures; their poor grammar and lust for pixelated wealth likens them to Kobolds, sans the candle. Plus, you just know that every farmer is working a pretty awful job with terrible pay, and he probably hates doing it as much as you hate the things you do for money (i.e. chores for mom). Then I hit on the Starcraft player, which can be a hard one to cope with. If you've ever seen Gran Torino with Clint Eastwood, I'm pretty sure a Zerg rush was what got him all pissed off in the first place. What about the nuclear build-up in North Korea, or Communism and censorship in China? What else is there that reinforces this bigotry?

In my quest for unbiased reporting, I've found that several culprits are at the top of the list. First off we have "balut", which is a cuisine indigenous to southeast Asia, and particularly popular in the Philippines. It's actually very tasty, but in terms of aesthetics it's possibly the most disgusting, off-putting food in the world. It's basically a chicken egg with a half-formed fetus inside of it. You put salt on it. Apparently, salt helps.

The Asian Long-horned Beetle

One of the most terrifying new causes for unrepentant hate is the Asian Long-horned Beetle, which is basically a new strain of Zerg that was smuggled into the United States in order to destroy our trees. Asian long-horned beetles measure about one-and-a-half inches long and have a shiny black exterior with white spots. "More than 30,000 trees have been destroyed in the country since the Asian long-horned beetle was first discovered in the U.S. about a decade ago," says some newspaper *****. The USDA has resorted to quarantining areas in order to contain the beetle, sort of like the US containment policy concerning communism. The beautiful Hackberry tree is in jeopardy due to this tiny terror's voracious appetite.

Vietnamese Rap

I'll conclude my list with what I consider to be darkest blemish of all, most likely designed by the white man's record industry to further instigate undeserved stereotyping. "You Got Beef," the debut hit by Canadian-Vietnamese rapper Chuckie Akenz and his "V-Unit". Beyond that, I'll leave the decisions with you, trusted reader. This is Marnacleez, signing out.

Laments from Olympus

no.spam@gameriot.com (Marnacleez) — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 12:57:17 -0500

Since the onset of the Wrath of the Lich King, Blizzard has made some major changes in how their game and its development are perceived. Though they have always considered player feedback, concerning all aspects of the game, they have been far more proactive than ever before in getting their desired changes pushed through. Despite having a major patch on the horizon, they could not wait to introduce certain tweaks; apparently they looked at the burst damage potential of certain classes and realized the ramifications.

To make one thing clear, "player feedback" is basically the amount of whining players do on the forums. There has been a lot of complaining, but I don't necessarily feel that it has been more than in previous circumstances. You can compare it with the level of weeping over Warrior mace specialization, or HARP, but it's a divide and conquer strategy that Blizzard has going. Rather than make one class grotesquely imbalanced, as has been the time-honored tradition since the class reviews and their introduction of cyclical highs and lows for each class, they have elected to take half of the classes - some of them historically popular classes - and set them on some shining pantheon. Occasionally these latter-day Apollos rouse themselves from having decadent orgies with satyrs and drinking ambrosia to mete out judgment on the pitiful, ungrateful masses that wallow below - those peasants being the other classes. Sometimes the gods need the help of one lucky mortal, and the fruit of their union is equally imbalanced - e.g., Zeus ***** some ***** and Hercules is born. Hercules is the strongest man in history.

The changes are understandable, for the most part, and they foretell the adjustments that are coming in patch 3.10. The Arcane Mage is one of the most fearsome manifestations of power - raw, surging power drawn hither from the Twisting Nether - that we, as players, have ever had to cope with. I think the most infuriating thing is the ease of play for the class. Mages have traditionally been a backbone PvP class, with the "good mages" and "bad mages" clearly defined, a class that was easy to play but difficult to master. I believe Arcane was designed with PvE in mind, another error on the part of Blizzard; if you balance a talent tree around killing dragons, what's going to happen when they get into a fight with their neighbor? It's like Gran Torino where Mages are Clint Eastwood and the rest of us are Asians. It's pretty clear that Frost was always the spec that was designed for PvP, which is why it has been the most popular spec for arenas up until the current season; Blizzard does not want to force any class into playing one way or another, so they decided to give classes a lot of options. That's a good philosophy with a bad execution.

The minor changes in today's patch mirror the sentiment that Blizzard is concerned over any combination featuring a Rogue and a Mage. RMP, for instance, is a combination with a great ability to adapt to the changes over the past five arena seasons and remain strong. The versatility is just too much, and Rogues are suffering because of the Mage problem. Arcane Barrage, Presence of Mind, Arcane Power, Slow, Blink, Frost Nova, IceblockÂ - this is a combination that offers tremendous burst and, when used correctly, fantastic survivability. The crowd control is also a major issue, especially when Rogues and Mages queue up together. We all saw the Mutilate change coming, but I did not anticipate it to be quite so harsh. Blizzard is trying to tone down the burst in favor of sustainable damage, but even in long, drawn-out matches, hard switching and coordinated burst will always reign supreme. With the rest of the upcoming changes, including the buff to Resilience, we'll see a lot less gibbing and more endurance battles. Let's hope Blizzard is making the right decisions.

Is it just me, or did Blizzard forget about a few classes? I am of the personal opinion that Survival Hunters are just as bad as Arcane Mages. Trying to catch one of these ******* is like going after a slippery snake in a mud puddle. Yes, we get it, Survival Hunters have good survivability, but why do they do so much damage? Is it so difficult to fix the hunter class so that they are somewhere in the middle, instead of ping-ponging them from one extreme to the next? Survival makes me long for the return of BM's prevalence; as gay and annoying as it was, it was a breath of fresh air compared to this new evil.

My theory concerning Death Knights has always been that Blizzard will slowly tone them down until they are balanced, popularity-wise. I may still be correct, but I guess "slow" was an understatement. Blood is emerging as the new spec for high-rated Arena, which is both a blessing and a curse; while it is more dangerous than Unholy or Frost, it is far less frustrating to contend with, especially as a melee class. They continue to be the coddled, favored infant of the development team and I am not expecting any hardcore nerfs soon.

The remaining classes have needs, and issues that need to be addressed, but they allow for much more brevity. Shamans are only weak because of how strong Paladins are. Paladins are being looked at, and I hope they see a lot of changes, beyond Divine Plea. Feral Druids are the new Mutilate Rogue, and their full and terrible potential has yet to be realized. It's strange to consider, but weren't Feral Druids grotesque at the beginning of the previous expansion as well? What is it with that? I haven't spent much time looking at Warlocks, but they got that new summoning portal thing, they should be okay. That's all they really needed. As for Priests, I think they will hinge entirely on the Resilience change.

I'm fine with how Warriors are right now. They are still fun to play, but the fact that Fury is superior to Arms in PvP is demoralizing. The burst potential dwarfs that of Arms, but hopefully with their damage increase to the Arms tree in the upcoming changes it will become more attractive. I prefer playing as Arms, as it has always been the exemplary PvP tree; having to play Fury for raids and then respec to a different variation of Fury for PvP, with essentially the same playstyle despite a few changes, is getting very tedious.

In my next post I will examine the consequences of the changes, and hopefully we'll get some more information pertaining to patch 3.10, when the real **** will hit the fan; ground mounts that ******* swim underwater, the dual-spec system we've been waiting for, and class changes all around. In conclusion, there is one change in today's patch that everyone is thankful for - the game is finally changing in the right direction:

Fixed an issue where players using nVidia 3D glasses were unable to see spell cooldowns.

Top 5 Games of All Time

no.spam@gameriot.com (Marnacleez) — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 16:36:37 -0400

The Autumn of Our Discontent

In his latest blog, GibTehStix reported on the attributing the recent disinterest of the readership to a lack of content and the slackening of the writers. It's difficult to find something worth writing about, my little philistines, and I myself have never managed to do it; I cloak my lack of content with grand words and over-the-top prose. Perhaps the haughty arrogance is the assertion of my intellect, a pure subconscious desire to soothe my ego and repair my trampeled self-esteem. More likely, it's a smoke screen to veil the fact that I'm writing about video games, and a massively multiplayer online roleplaying game in particular: the contrast of the content and the medium offers delightful irony.

I have to agree with Gib (The Stix) in his complaints. The well springs have run dry. I used to love coming to Gameriot, whether I had posted a recent entry or not, and just browse the Feed or the latest blogs. It was rampant with topics that piqued my interest - even the bloated, over-hyped blogs that never had real content to begin with were worth a gander. Those halcyon days have gone down in the dust, unfortunately. The constant topics lately have been the tournament, nerd-raging, overpowered classes, PvP balance, the latest WoW content patch... does anyone else feel that? That deja vu? The fact is that topics will never really grow out of thin air, they all follow formulas and they center around what's important to the readership at any given time. Right now, the most important topics are repetitive and boring. I'm hoping that will change within the next couple weeks.

A lot of my favorite bloggers have fallen into a dull rhythm, hitting the old GR with the same beats like a terrible jungle drum, no doubt a taut dwarfskin stretched over some Zulian pottery. Ming has never really been too interesting unless you play a Rogue, and even then it was a stretch; his constant digressions about chakras and "Estel" leave a bad taste in my mouth. Roma Victor and Vir don't post often at all these days, and when they do it's usually a self-indulgent tirade that means very little to their readers. Jasi, who at one time got my vote as the most informative blogger on Gameriot, has fallen into a slump of lowbrow content.

I don't blame the individual bloggers. The atmosphere is just stagnant right now. We're all waiting for Wrath of the Lich King, and Season 5. People who don't play WoW are probably either beating their head against Warhammer Online in terrible frustration, or they've left their basements and are cavorting with real-life women. I wouldn't recommend either of those activities: the former is a futile venture, and the latter is highly unsanitary.

This website is supposed to be about video games, right? People are complaining about the fact that posting blogs with political or economic themes are frowned upon; that's how it should be. If you really want to be a political analyst and write about the election, there's plenty of those blog communities to join. You can start your own, I'll sell you the domain at www.zulfarrakobama.com. This isn't really the place to discuss anything besides games, as the ensuing discussions will most likely fill you with an insatiable rage.

Games it is, then: The Marnacleez-Approved Top 5 Games of All Time.

Honorable Mentions: Warcraft III - The Frozen Throne, Defense of the Ancients, Counterstrike, Super Smash Bros., Frogger, Team Fortress 2, Portal and the Mortal Kombat franchise (specifically Genesis era).

5. Pac-Man - The first console game I ever played. I ate up mad ghosts and pellets and all kinds of ****. I assume the undeniable desire to pursue pretzels and devour phantoms had a lasting effect on my young, developing mind, and might be the reason why I'm now a gigantic fat monster.

4. Call of Duty 1/United Offensive - I was just in love with this game, despite not being very good. If you were to compile a list of every WW2-themed shooter that's ever been published, you would be disgusted with the raw amount, and the Call of Duty franchise always blew the rest out of the water. Team death match in Carentan, please?

3. Age of Empires II: Age of Kings - My favorite RTS by a long shot. It changed a lot in the genre and it's still the best game in the Age of Empires franchise. You could play technical against online opponents and counter their every unit with deft strategy, or you could just mass knights and break your sprawling horde against the walls of the enemy city. There was just so many options. In single player skirmishes, you could build a sprawling empire and systematically conquer the competition through canny siegecraft and political wrangling. The fun factor is still there, even today, and that **** came out like 50 years ago.

2. World of Warcraft - Yeah, I had to do it. Sorry. I know how much we all love complaining about Blizzard and the intricacies of the game in general, but you've got to give credit where credit is due. Its predecessors - namely Everquest, Ultima Online and Dark Age of Camelot - were all successful in their own way; some were innovative. World of Warcraft took some of the best bits from all of them and superimposed these nuggets of greatness on their own revolutionary design, and the comfortable style of the Warcraft franchise. I could go on for hours *****ing about the game, but there's a reason I've been playing it since release; maybe it's the friends I've made, the competitive community, or an attatchment to certain characters, but something definitely works.

1. Goldeneye - Do I really even have to explain?

Marnacleez out.

Rousing the Dreamers

no.spam@gameriot.com (Marnacleez) — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 16:15:03 -0400

It's a hard fact, but lately the World of Warcraft has seemed moribund, a decadent shrine to the glory of capitalism with little regard for its base demographic, teetering precariously on a precipice overlooking oblivion. The lull between the final content patch and the release of the forthcoming expansion is always a bleak affair. Season 4 has ended and the future of competitive Arena seems to float hazy on the horizon, an unattainable goal at the end of a desert road: a streak of dusty tarmac across the barren rocks.

Intel Extreme Masters has all but ended, and the content was juicy enough to cause indigestion - SKGaming taking the finals in a display of deft mastery, toppling Gravitas Gaming in an indescribably tight set of series. The unequivocal rage of Celex reared its leviathanic head and roared, filling the auditorium with a piercing shriek - not unlike that of a Nazgul. One can imagine that his heart has shattered into even more pieces than his Alienware laptop, the object representing his failure, the digital helm from which he navigated his ship - it was a rocky ride, and Gravitas broke and flounded upon the shoals. Swearing vengeance and howling with disdain for whatever callous gods damned him to the shadows of second place, he mightily obliterated his computer. It was delicious.

I won't go into details concerning the matches, one can easily find the dull, lifeless regurgitation of every minor technique on any number of blogs here; the sports-journalist approach has never been my forte. I am the herald for the small man, for the everyman, showering the feeble plebs with coins of gold in the form of words. It is for you I report, my gentle Gameriot readers, and I know you were all watching the tournament: what else is there to do on a Sunday afternoon? I was watching football, to be honest, and I only caught snippets of the stream during commercials; luckily I swiveled my gargantuan braincage just in time to catch the most impressive bout of nerdrage since Swarm and Serennia. The best part? I found it about a hundred fold more entertaining than the tournament itself, and I think most of you feel the same way.

Many of my entries have focused on the tourney bracket celebrities, and on our grotesque fascination with them. Partially it's envy, that much is clear; we'd all love to make bank playing World of Warcraft. Truthfully, the wages of the tournament players is blown incredibly out of proportion here on Gameriot, and I don't think one could support a family and live comfortably with being a Rogue as their primary source of income. Still, most of the players are around college age. Some of them are students, others have jobs, and the rest are just lazy, slacking gamers, and it's a fine thing to make money doing this. It's the American dream, isn't it? It must take some initial courage to shed the anonymity the internet offers and thrust yourself into the spotlight, to constant ridicule concerning your physical appearance (i.e. Noktyn) or your deranged mental state (i.e. Celex). And God forbid you're a girl - Gameriot is full of blogs almost entirely devoted to Hafu, who is really just your average-looking Mongol girl gamer. I suppose the yellow fever instantly boosts any Asian girl's sex appeal by at least two or three points, but it's still ridiculous.

In other news, the Bills beat the Chargers.

Now that one tournament has ended, what can we really do but wait for the next one? World of Warcraft is in a bad state right now; the latest patch was a travesty, and all of my guildmates who are constantly hounding achievements (while I painfully level my seventh character - and fifth warrior) boggle my mind. It's an opiate to divert attention from some serious problems looming on the horizon, namely class balance and the future of PvP in the Wrath of the Lich King. While people are running circles to explore Ashenvale and cook wolf gibblets, those who managed to secure a Beta spot are being curbstomped by Unholy Death Knights.

Some input from my old chum Desense, who currently has a level 80 Warrior on Beta: "Ret. Paladins are still OP. The upcoming changes won't make that big of a difference. Frost mages are simply insane, and Unholy Death Knights are the worst of them all. Those three classes are gods among the rest, and as a Warrior I'm lucky if I can beat anyone 1v1."

According to him, despite his 26,000 hitpoint pool his Warrior is still neutered without the aid of an omnipresent pocket healer. How many times has Blizzard grunted out fallacious statements concerning their desire to rid warriors of their need for a healer? Due to the mechanics of rage and gear scaling, endgame Warriors will always be inherently unbalanced. Until you reach the point in the game where your gear is perfect in every slot, you're lunchmeat. Regardless, to succeed in any facet you require the assistance of a devoted Druid or something along those lines. Right now I'm living in fear of leveling to 80 once WotLK is released. Over every rill and ridge I expect to see a Gnome frost mage lurking amidst the weeds and conjuring up an icy holocaust with which to freeze me into a solid Tauren cube and then shatter me into a thousand hairy fragments. The derisive, high-pitched Gnome cackle will forever haunt my dreams.

In all honesty, Blizzard deserves some credit in the balance department. When serious game-time rolls around (i.e. the next Arena season), I think they'll have a lot of things ironed out. People have already gone absolutely bat**** over Ret Paladins. The lasting problem, of course, is Death Knights. The amount of complaining will be far less, despite the fact that Unholy DKs are about 10x more OP than Ret Pallies. The reason: nearly everyone will be playing one, as an alt if not a new main. They will be an uncontained swarm. Once everyone and their mother is playing a Death Knight at level 80, Blizzard developers will strike the iron while it's hot: the inevitable nerf bat will fall. Then all but the most dedicated Death Knights will retreat to their former classes in defeat and disgrace, and gradually the class will be brought back up to par. That's how it was with Paladins and Shaman in the beginning of classic WoW; these things are all cyclical, people. The future is not so grim.

Casuals as the Proletariat

no.spam@gameriot.com (Marnacleez) — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 03:44:06 -0400

To all things there is an order, whether that order is dynamic and shifting or whether it is static and unwavering; bees have a queen, orcs have a warchief, and bears have Mauljaw, Lord of the Adirondacks. The structure of any society is not inherently dependent upon the very top level - the upper class is virtually interchangeable, from nobility to aristocracy to the corporate elite - but on those at the bottom. The unwashed masses who clamor for the right to govern, those worker bees on whom the cruel trick of an illusory democracy is played. In the United States, it's the working class; in World of Warcraft, it's the casual player.

"Wait," you might say, "What are you saying, Marnacleez, O Font of Wisdom? Do you have some diabolical agenda to thwart the casual player? I'll have you know my family has been playing games casually (and losing) for nigh on five generations!" I am not anti-casual, do not misunderstand me. One cannot have the top rung of a ladder without the nine preceding rungs. Without those lower rungs, there is nothing on which to climb in order to achieve the topmost pinnacle of excellence, and the American dream - swift, heady social mobility - is destroyed. It's not my desire to see some ancien regime reign in my online game of choice, ruling from the palatial gardens of a digital Versailles. What I oppose is preferential treatment from the developers to any specific subgroup of their loyal players, whether they play eight hours a day or one. A player should get out of the game exactly what he or she puts into it, and unfair treatment for the sake of a higher subscription rate is a slippery slope that will eventually dilute the game and leave it as little more than a withered husk.

I will openly admit that I am biased in this subject. I have been playing this game since release and most of that time was spent raiding. Since the implementation of a ladder-based PvP system (the Arena), I have shunned the idea of raiding almost entirely. This is the case with many "hardcore players"; the reason for raiding endgame in vanilla WoW was, for me and many others, to collect the best possible gear for PvP. In those days, that meant Battlegrounds almost exclusively, with a smattering of world/roaming PvP and duels thrown into the mix. Upon the release of the Burning Crusade - coinciding with the introduction of rated Arena and Resilience as an attribute - PvE was no longer a means of equipping your character for PvP combat, and this change was a step in the right direction. It allowed those who prefered fighting other players to ramming their heads against scripted encounters a chance to excel on their own terms.

Raiding can be fun, especially if the people whom you raid with are a group of wild, keg-thumping brohams who always seem to be involved in some sort of wacky hijinks. The challenges of raiding, however - farming for gold and/or consumables, purging your guild's core of the drooling retards, exhausting trash pulls and gear-check cockblocks - wear thin on one's patience very quickly. When you raid off and on, in several different endgame dungeons over the course of a couple years, you begin to notice undeniable patterns. The only things that change are the visuals and the already paper-thin lore. The argument concerning boss mechanics and the strategies required to defeat them? Moot, I say! Many encounters feature old, tired and overused mechanics, and unless you're part of the top 1% of raiding guilds that manage to kill the bosses before the rest of the world, you're using someone else's strategy anyways.

A lot of the game's integrity is sacrificed when content is broken down so that more people can experience it. It's like taking a huge, delicious steak, slicing it into little tiny pieces and throwing it to a pack of hyenas. They'll get a little taste of it - a nibble - but they'll never have the satisfaction of an entire meal. That's not to say that Blizzard shouldn't allow everyone to participate in what the game has to offer, but a lot of these problems arise from their lack of forethought as developers.

Case in point: Naxxrammas. Possibly one of the coolest raid instances in the game. Most of the bosses I experienced first-hand, and a lot of them were fun, with a few tentative exceptions (Thaddius; LOL IM LAGGIN BRO WHICH SIDE DO I RUN TO). Regardless, the difficulty of the instance as compared to its immediate predecessor - the only bosses on the same level in Ahn'Qiraj were C'thun and Ouro - coupled with the date of its release, with the expansion looming around the bend, spelled disaster. Most people didn't even get a chance to step inside the instance, let alone bring down a boss. Is that the fault of the casual player? I think not.

Something that must be said: a casual player is not necessarily a bad player, though the two are often lumped into the same quivering mass. For instance, there's no such thing as being "too casual" to play Arena. It almost seems as if the Arena was set up with people's real lives in mind, as opposed to raiding, which can consume five or six evenings every week. While it's true that many hardcore players spend a ton of time in the Arena, it's not a necessity. A solid team can play less than 10 hours a week and maintain a very high rating. It also allows frequent breaks and abrupt pauses when real life intervenes. A team of two, three or five people is a tight-knit group. On the flip side, you can't just stop a raid when one person has to run to the store. That's 24 other people waiting on you, stuck in a dungeon which they've made a commitment to complete. Some people even work their real life schedules around raids. Can you imagine?

Thankfully, changes on the horizon bode well for all subgroups of players. The 10 man/25 man raiding system can cater to both hardcore and casual players. Maybe it's a group of friends who don't log on too often, and the most they can get at one time is 10 people to raid. Maybe it's 10 hardcore people who don't want to play with anyone else, and they just want to raid with those in their immediate circle. Those who want to raid 25 mans can do so.

My biggest gripe is those who call for special attention. "Give more content to casual players!" or "Give more content for the top percentile!" One group is envious, and the other demands a status symbol to hold over the heads of the rest. It is the same with the proletariat and the bourgeoisie. If you can't be online enough to raid, then tough. Don't raid. MMORPGs are a time sink; they always have been and they always will be. Blizzard has been more than generous, and there's plenty of stuff to do with only a limited amount of time. 5 man dungeons, quests, battlegrounds, Arena, the list goes on. Mad because the rewards you get pale in comparison to someone else's, someone who has all day to play the game? That's how things work. Maybe it's unfair in your eyes, but the game industry has always catered to the lifeless nerd. You get what you put in, just like in everything else.

If you're just bad and you complain because you want the **** other people are getting, because even though you put ungodly hours into the game you can't seem to reap much benefit, guess what? Video games probably aren't for you. World of Warcraft is pretty easy when compared to most other games, and if you're having trouble with this, then maybe it's time to pick up knitting.

The End of the Burning Crusade

no.spam@gameriot.com (Marnacleez) — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 13:20:41 -0400

"With their heads hung low, shambling in aimless droves across the sun-banked sand, the crusaders filed away in silence, down to the port at Jaffa. Repelled at Jerusalem by the defenders beneath the Moorish standard, and harried along their routed defeat by Nathrezim Dreadlords, the crusade was at an end; no sword of Christendom would rise again in thirsty conquest. The combined might of the Burning Legion and the nations of Islam had broken the resolve of the devout who, brooding and disconsolate, now returned home to fight Arthas."
Text taken from 'Views on the Third Crusade', Marnacleez, ca. 1191.

So that's that. The first World of Warcraft expansion has come to an end. In my opinion, it was the most successful expansion any MMORPG has ever seen, and though it seems that it will be shoved aside into obscurity by the looming Wrath of the Lich King release, I enjoyed the good times. Realistically, what previous expansions can even be compared? Trammel for Ultima Online? Trials of Atlantis for Dark Age of Camelot? Face it, most expansions in the realm of the MMORPG have been abysmal failures. The Burning Crusade went off without a hitch: staggering sales, positive player support, and a ****load of new content that set a precedent as it became more popular than the original game itself (see: rated Arena).

The new patch came about with the usual pomp and ceremony that Blizzard is well known for; they said it would be up by 2:00 PM PDT, and of course most realms weren't stable until 8:30 PM PDT. The entire day could be likened to slamming your dick in a shower door for hours on end, getting stuck at Retrieving Character List and then waylaid again upon login. I honestly had to stare at the new Eastern Kingdoms load screen for about an hour and a half. The Blood Elf Mage was incongruous, and looked terribly out of place when surrounded by some of the ugliest artwork I've ever seen: the monocle-wearing Undead, who I assume is a wealthy merchant of some sort, the Dwarf Paladin that looked remarkably like Rosie O'Donnell, the greasy Human Rogue with the gigolo pony-tail. It left an irrevocable mark on my refined sensibilities.

The amount of fluff in this patch was simply staggering. The Barber shop, for instance, offered a good 20 minutes of entertainment; I got my horns fitted with some bling. The amount of disgusting hairstyles is rampant, and it's quite obvious that most people chose the most visually offensive styles while suppressing high-pitched shrieks of nerdly delight. The same can be said for the entire Achievement system, the introduction of Inscription, and all the other crap that was heaped upon us. A well-planned diversion to distract the average player from the terrible state of most classes.

Warriors are really just weak now, especially when you compare flat damage output to Rogues, Frost Mages, Retribution Paladins, etc. I keep telling myself that these things are cyclical. After all, no class has seen the highs and lows like Warriors have - going from completely dominating the game to being an enormous joke, and then back again. From the end of classic WoW up until the second patch of the Burning Crusade, Warriors were awful. PvP wasn't a huge concern, considering everyone was leveling to 70 and gearing out in the new dungeons, but do you remember tanking back then? The name of the game was multi-mob aggro control, and even Protection Warriors were utterly unequipped to do it. Things changed, though, and by the time the first Arena season rolled around, Warriors rose to the top of the food chain.

The situation for Priests is much, much worse. Unlike Warriors, their roles have been relatively stable and well-defined throughout much of the game's history. Discipline for Survivability, Holy for Healing, Shadow for DPS/Damage Support. After the fundamentals of armor were changed in the Burning Crusade, Priests experienced a painful drop in survivability, only to gain back what they lost (and then some) with the prevalence of Resilience. I hope it's going to be the same in WotLK.

Word on the street is that Retribution Paladins are getting a nerf enema, and I can only hope that this rumor is authentic. Their raw damage output is obscene, and that's not even considering their burst potential. The range on Repentance? The removal of the shared cooldown for Divine Shield and Avenging Wrath? The fact that Ret. Paladins will never, ever run out of mana? Come on, that's just ridiculous. As for Rogues, they've never been stronger in my opinion; even the golden age of AR/Prep pales in comparison to these holocaust monstrosities that sweep Durotar clean of dueling opponents. Seriously, Dismantle? 10 seconds of disarm? An amazing ability, but not necessarily one that Rogues needed. Thankfully the combat that matters in this game (namely Arena) is based off of multiplayer synergy and complimentary class combinations rather than individual class strengths. Frost Mages are also quite sickening, but I have no problems on that front. Mages have needed a bit of a boost for a while now, even though the best ones have always adapted and excelled under any circumstance.

I didn't get to play Season 4 (since my Orc Warrior was stolen by some degenerate ******* Limey midway through S3), but it wrapped up as one of the most disappointing seasons yet. I believe the cut-off for Gladiator in every bracket was somewhere around 1750 rating. Win-trading took a back seat to people who made money through raising other people's team ratings. Some of the top players have been making decent cash on the side from this illegitimate practice. I don't have any moral problems with it - if you're good enough to earn some extra dough from playing a game you enjoy, more power to you. It's the same principle as playing in tournaments, though much less prestigious. On a competitive level, however, it's quite disheartening. The Arena is supposed to separate players based on their skills in PvP. Regardless of player activity, Blizzard itself stomped that idea to the curb by giving Gladiator to just about everyone. While I understand that the top title that defines excellence is Brutal Gladiator, but that's restricted to the #1 spot. What about the other 4 teams in the top 5? It certainly isn't easy for people who actively play to maintain those levels, as compared to people who reach a safe Gladiator rating early in the season and just sit on the team.

This patch has added a great deal of "fun" elements while simultaneously stripping the game of current balance in anticipation of the new Expansion. Like the Burning Crusade, everything will even out by the time people reach the new level cap. Until then, the game is all ****s and giggles, so enjoy the carefree atmosphere while it lasts. Hallow's End is coming, and you know what that means: brutal, non-stop Headless Horseman farming. Trick or treat, *****.

The Remembrance of Things Past, or In Search of Lost Time

no.spam@gameriot.com (Marnacleez) — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 14:26:34 -0400

The composition of a new article is always a rigorous process, especially in the stage of ideas, which whorl and flit about my mind like restless phantoms released from some yawning sepulcher, unfettered and pernicious. The ability to capture one of these ideas mid-flight and harness it into something worth writing about is the craft: hunched over a great furnace and bellows, my hammer smashing down on the anvil of Gameriot, periodically pausing to wipe the soot and sweat from my troubled brow. Because of my selective and rigorous style of self-critique, I am often hindered from making daily entries; I think a lot of the bloggers in this neck of the woods would benefit from that method, since an impressive majority of articles are diluted and insubstantial. They report on the major dealings within the World of Warcraft and the gaming industry as a whole - but very few have the patience to follow their idea through. Before I get into the meat and potatoes of today's entry, I'm going to touch on this subject in a benevolent manner: the offering of useful tips & tricks unto any receptive ear, like a Prima Strategy Guide for blogging.

1. The Issues: Stay topical. If you must digress or hearken back to a bygone era, such as the BWL period of vanilla WoW, juxtapose it with the current situation and use the comparison to garner insight. If your blog is about games, or a specific game, try not to deviate. I understand that the readers may be interested in other avenues - the forthcoming political election, the stock market, etc. - but the point still stands.

For example, if you want to discuss the election, discuss how the Presidential debate structures mirror certain Arena matches. With McCain/Palin as a Rogue/Paladin and Obama/Biden as a Warrior/Druid, explain how the match will drag on and on with no easily-discernible victor. The slogans espoused from each side in lieu of answering questions could be likened to a quick escape to get a few drinks of water in, after which they will return with replenished mana and reinvigorated fervor. When the candidates change topics to throw the heat off of them and onto their opponent? A well-timed mace stun, a Cyclone, a Hammer of Justice. When Obama touches on the fact that the McCain administration, if elected, will merely extend the current downward spiral for another four years? That's right. Mortal Strike.

If you want to touch on the economy? Tie the latest Blizzcon Tournament coverage in with a clever analogy: Damn, x6tence went down faster than the Dow Jones when they faced Nihilum Plasma. It's impressive that today's gamers, and the youth subculture in general, show so much interest in the state of the world. It can be attributed to those that have grown up with games without growing out of them; in the past five years, gaming has become a far more accepted medium than any time previously. I grew up with Super Mario Bros., Mortal Kombat and, later, Goldeneye and Diablo; I think of the next generation and wonder what kind of marvelous digital delights they'll have at their disposal.

2. Embrace Your Style. Everyone's style of writing is different. Some people keep it simple, journalistic and to-the-point - only the facts, for those who want them. Others submerge the points they're making in a mire of lavish language and confusing references, which is my preferred approach. Everyone has their own approach to reaching their audience, and it does no good to try and emulate someone else. Find your own voice and focus on its development. It's fine to be ambitious, but if you overreach then it becomes transparent and contrived.

3. The Hygiene of English: Keep it clean, keep it polished. This tip should be unnecessary to touch on, but a lot of blogs are rife with misspellings, grammatical errors or poor punctuation. If you don't know how to spell a word, the simplest route is to just not use it; if you're hell-bent on it, however, use a spell-checking system. Run your article through MS Word before you publish it. The less professional your writing appears, the fewer people will take it seriously.

Wrath of the Lich King

This is a very popular topic as of late, and a lot of people are basing their decision on whether or not to even keep playing WoW on the success of the forthcoming expansion. Since the implementation of rated Arena shortly after the release of the Burning Crusade, it's been the impetus for a great deal of the player base; most of the people I play with have very little interest in anything beyond the Arena, with maybe the exception of a slight draw towards infrequent raiding. Players are going to have to go without the competitive air of a progressing Arena Season for a major chunk of time. People are going to be leveling, running instances, gathering gear, exploring all of the new zones and features of the expansion; how long will that keep the hardcore PvPers sated? A new battleground, maybe the introduction of objective-based world PvP that will succeed where all the past endeavors in that department have failed miserably. We can only hope and speculate at this point. Even Beta testers must retain a level of vigilant skepticism, ever watchful, like the great Eye of Mordor, lidless and sinister atop its black citadel. Blizzard is notorious for last-minute changes and sudden patch notes that send players reeling from their faux-leather swivel chairs. They're also well known for the extreme level of polish they apply to every game they've produced, between inception to going gold.

I remain hopeful because I am by nature an idealist, partially due to willful ignorance and also to the fact that I am no longer tethered to the game. This is not a universal principle. Even after the stagnant tedium that claimed the latter half of the Burning Crusade, some people are unwavering in their devotion, and have not accepted the fact that there may be better games out there, should Wrath of the Lich King fail. Honestly, it looks as though they have nothing to worry about. So far, the expansion is extremely promising.

The Dual-Spec System: This is long overdue. The automatic retraining of special abilities upon talent selection was a step in the right direction, but the ability to have two builds at your disposal should have been implemented two years ago. In the heyday of my Burning Crusade experience I played an Orc Warrior; not only was I a member of an endgame raiding guild, but I also played competitive Arena. This meant changing specs at least twice a week - from Arms to Fury and back again - and every once in a while, if the guild required it, also to Protection. The gold was not a major issue; daily quests helped a lot to curtail the rampaging money vacuum, but the problem was always convenience. When you were Protection, you were stuck like that until you went back to a trainer. Any PvP whatsoever was completely out of the question. This new system will change that dramatically. It will also allow certain classes to retain either two PvE specs if their main focus is raiding, two different PvP specs (i.e. Shadowstep and Mutilate) for different team compositions, or one of each for players who enjoy doing both aspects of the game.

That's my favorite upcoming change so far, and it barely touches the tip of the iceberg - or glacier, as it were, upon which Arthas lofts Frostmourne into the air and calls to him the might of the Scourge. New abilities, revamped talents; in-game user interfaces for itemrack, boss mods and a threat meter; an increase in the viability of other tank classes and the rounding of classes as a whole; new zones, battlegrounds and arenas; the achievement system - all this and more, wrapped up with a storyline and presented in the continuation of one of the best arcs in Warcraft history. Northrend will be far more fitting with the old-style canon of the game than the Burning Crusade was, and I think a lot of players will appreciate the change of style.

In my next entry I'll touch on some more upcoming changes, as well as a comprehensive Blizzcon '08 Arena Tournament Wrap-Up. I will also look to explore the music choice in PvP videos and their subsequent response, and a possible explanation as to why so many of the top players listen to really gay music.

Marnacleez Out.

The Expression of Style

no.spam@gameriot.com (Marnacleez) — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 19:14:42 -0400

World of Warcraft: A Game of Big Names

First and foremost I'd like to touch on the subject concerning my lack of entries over the previous months; it has become quite clear to me that in order to have success in any facet one has to be writing about something important to the demographic. The constituents in question: gamers, obviously. Specifically, people who play MMORPGs, namely World of Warcraft. Out of those people, the majority of Gameriot readers are those who prefer PvP over PvE, especially the Arena system. That sub-subgroup is then again divided needlessly into people who are abysmal (1800 Arena team rating or less), people who are average (1800-2000 rating), people who are above average (2000-2200 rating), and those who are good enough to compete in the tournament circuit (2200+ rating). It's exhausting, I know. One does not have to be necessarily mindful of the last division, despite its importance, because Gameriot readers are generally a diverse cross-section.

Regardless, it still bears consideration that most of the blogs are about the tournament brackets, "pro-gaming" as a possible career choice, and especially about the so-called celebrities of the WoW Arena. Hafu, Serennia, Neilyo, etc. As someone who is a premier Azerothian socialite, I've brushed elbows with the upper echelons via IRC, Ventrilo and friendly games of DotA. I'm going to let you in on a little secret: World of Warcraft celebrities are just like everyone else who plays a lot of video games. Most of them are overweight and poorly dressed. Some have neckbeards. They're usually virgins. Their idea of a night on the town consists of hitting up 7-11 for cases of Mountain Dew, checking out the latest releases at Gamestop, and breezing through the Taco Bell Drive-Thru on their way back to their cavernous basement lair, where they dwell amidst empty pizza boxes and the scattered skulls of the vanquished, brooding over their latest conquests in the dim effervescent light of a Samsung LCD.

The fact that so many of these well-known internet personalities garner interest is self-explanatory. Other gamers see them as legitimate successes in their preferred field, playing games for real life money. Some beguilers, like the Basshunter of Swedish Gamer-Techno fame, would have you believe that there are penthouse apartments in which these men of digital mastery languor whilst scantily-clad Scandinavian goddesses cater to their every deviant whim. So gamers read about Hafu or Inactive the same way the bloated, mindless American public reads about Branjelina: the hope of emulation. It's tremendously depressing.

But that's OK. From now on, you're going to see a lot less inconsequential jargon from yours truly; I shall shift my powerful lens and refocus on what matters to all of you readers out there, whether it's Zyz's favorite kind of hot pocket or Terrion's shoe size.

Moving on, let's discuss some World of Warcraft etiquette.

Anime faces: a broad umbrella term covering any gay emoticon, primarily those that resemble kitties. Some examples: xD ^.^ ^_^ o.O O_o . These are never okay to use. They make you look like a retard. The consensus is that only fat girls and scrawny nerd **** employ these terrible hieroglyphs to convey their emotions, and that's largely true; it's a lack of verbal skill, the fact that one is unable to represent their thoughts through language and must regress to some Cro-Magnon pictographs. To better your vocabulary and grasp on English in general, I've prepared a Marnacleez-Approved Reading list. Check with your local library for any works by the following authors: James Joyce, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Marcel Proust, Ernest Hemingway, Charles Dickens, Dante Alighieri, John Kennedy Toole, Alexandre Dumas, George Orwell, Anthony Burgess, Vladimir Nabokov, Leo Tolstoy and Feodor Dostoevsky.

Trash Talk: Let's face it, the game wouldn't be nearly as fun without the rampant guttermouths, primarily performing for shock-value, but sometimes providing startling insights into why someone is bad, why their arena team sucks, why their gems and/or talent spec is garbage, etc. Go out of your way to embarrass your peers. Make fun of them for losing duels, even if you're too frightened to face them yourself. Hypocrisy is key: despite your own personal arena teams, call anyone who is under 2000 a nonfactor, scrub or baddie. If they're being carried by someone else, call them a jansport, or a Marnacleez, I don't mind. The more racial slurs and ban-worthy curse words you employ, the quicker your street cred will go up. Being an internet tough guy is no easy task, believe me. I've been there from in-game arguments to vicious forum battles. Give people the illusion that you're from the projects, that cops routinely burst into your crib to search for illicit "throwaway."

Ventrilo: While on a voice chat program with your friends, guild, arena team, etc., try your best to consistently talk over people. Make it known that your opinion matters just about fifty times more than anyone else's. If someone undermines you, raise the volume of your voice gradually until you're sweating and screaming and stamping your feet. Use your lips, tongue and possibly a hand to make lewd, immature fart noises and feign dry-heaving over someone else's comment or performance. Assert yourself, and you're that much closer to being a WoW Arena Celebrity.

Warcraft Movies

Let's briefly check in with Warcraftmovies to see if they have anything worth watching! The answer: largely no. Recent Additions worth watching: Sum Warrior is Shield, by Ragious; Eviscerate 9, by Akrios. Both movies are exemplary. Recent Additions that are terrible and should be avoided: The Chronicles of Nihilum: Kil'Jaeden; Athene Frapses Epic Ownage. The former should be quite obvious - I got tired of staring at Kungen's ass two years ago. Yeah, Nihilum is one of the best PvE guilds, their approach to raiding cutting-edge content actually requires skill, blah blah blah, the same can be said for SKGaming. I don't care, it's still a boring scripted encounter. As for the latter, well, it's Athene; he ceased to be funny about ten minutes after the release of that first video.

Why Soulwrath is Gay

I've been skirting this issue for quite some time, and I don't recall why. I'm certainly not intimidated by any possible reprecussion; after all, what can some no-name mediocre warrior on the Vindication Battlegroup possibly do to me? Maybe I'll see him in some random Warsong game down the road, and he'll have an excuse to try and kill me? Fat chance, I've seen him play and it's nothing special. Possibly the worst warrior to ever claim repute on a backwater hillbilly battlegroup. He has no sense of humor whatsoever, and any form of satirical trolling goes right over his head. If you're reading this, Soulwrath, Terrorz says you're a big gay homo.

What Other Games Are Out There?

None, at least, none in the realm of the MMORPG. I know it's a heated topic of debate, with everyone who continues to support Blizzard being condemned as a biased fanboy. The people who go off to play other games are too proud to return and, because they are forced to play a substandard, rushed, underdeveloped piece of crap, develop a bitter resentment towards World of Warcraft. This is to be expected. Age of Conan was probably the worst MMO since Dungeons and Dragons Online, and it proved once and for all that flashy visuals and lush, 3D environments do not compensate for utterly terrible gameplay. Lately, people have been coming to the defense of Warhammer Online with cries of "Oh, it's still early," and "WoW wasn't this good when it first came out!" Yeah, really? It was four years ago, and there was no prior business model for Blizzard to follow except games like Everquest, Dark Age of Camelot and Shadowbane, none of which ever broke the coveted 1,000,000 mark in terms of active subscriptions. Of course everything has changed. World of Warcraft set a new standard, as well as a marketable and simplistic skeleton which can be gleaned even from a layman's standpoint, and over which can be constructed a different game: i.e., Warhammer Online. Wrath of the Lich King will dominate sales and recover a large portion of lost customers due to the post-BC stagnation. The amount of expendable income Blizzard is able to consistently pour into development cannot be rivaled by any other producer save for Microsoft, and they focus solely on the console these days.

That's it for now. World of Warcraft has made an idelible mark on the face of the gaming industry, and like the ooze secreted from a Zerg hive, it seeps slowly over the hot dry earth, spreading with indefatigable progress: with an insidious gleam it pools and coagulates, and inexorably it comes, a snotgreen slime threatening complete dominion. When I have more to write, you'll have more to read.

Marnacleez out.

Vindication Celebrities: A Zombieblog Exclusive

no.spam@gameriot.com (Marnacleez) — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 00:16:46 -0400

I'd like to start off with a sentiment, hoping that everyone on Gameriot had a wonderful Independence Day. I curled up near the pool, soaking in the cosmic rays, sipping on vodka tonics and basically embracing mother earth. At no point did Will Smith descend from the sky in an F-14 and proceed to beat some alien ass, but despite that, it was an enjoyable day.

My last Zombieblog Exclusive was a tremendous success, with some of the credit owed indubitably to Terrorz for complying so generously with the interview. Of course he skirted around some of the difficult questions, but being #1 on the revered SKGaming 100 List gives you the presence of mind to pick and choose your quantification. I was of a mind to repeat the process with both Ehto and Cadul, but as I've known both of them for quite some time - Ehto-chan since he was 12 years old, in fact (he is now 15) - there was no journalistic challenge. I decided to break the rusted chains of normalcy, defy convention and think outside the box.

I bring you now a roundtable discussion mediated by yours truly. The participants of my panel include Ctidalwave of <PALS FOR LIFE>, Zyz of <Aegis of Fire>, and Kevoh of <Aegis of Fire>. I extended invitations for the panelists to join me at my stately Rhode Island estate, and luckily they all showed up. My intent was to explore different venues of the World of Warcraft - Ctidalwave for the economic aspect, and Kevoh/Zyz for the PvP aspect. I also sent an invitation to Kungen of Nihilum concerning the PvE aspect of the game; unfortunately, due to some international debacle, he is currently banned from the United States. That's alright, PvE is pretty boring anyway.

Marnacleez: Welcome, panelists, to the first - of what I hope will be many - Vindication Roundtable Discussions. Let's start with some introductions. Tell our readers about yourselves, and about why you were invited to the panel.

Zyz: Whatever, slave. I'm here because you paid the airfare, lol. **** is expensive these days. No for real though, my name is Zyz, I'm in Aegis of Fire on Burning Blade; I'm pretty much the best rogue on the Battlegroup, maybe even the best in all of the game. Vengeful Gladiator Zyz, don't you ever ******* forget it.

Kevoh: My name's Clin, my boys call me Eastwood, I drink Seagram's gin and roll phat in my hood. Haha. That's my rhyme. I made that **** up myself. I'm in Aegis of Fire, too, on Burning Blade. I play RWD with big gay Zyz over there and we're basically the top team. I've been gaming hardcore since I was 8, and playing in tournaments since I was 12. Used to be Tribes and Quake, then it was CS - 1.6 of course, Source is for scrubs - now it's WoW. What's next for the Eastwood? You don't even want to know.

Protosz: Can I get drinks for you gentlemen? We have brandy, iced tea and Desani.

Marnacleez: Er, that's just Protosz, my manservant. You guys can ignore him. Bring us the brandy.

Zyz: A real life slave! LOL!

Ctidalwave: My name's Ctidalwave, but you can call me Ctide. (At this point, "Ctide" fluttered his eyelashes at me in a suggestive way, which instantly ruined the atmosphere. It was clear that he was going to be sleeping over.) I play on Laughing Skull in the PALS FOR LIFE guild. Yeah, yeah, Leeroy Jenkins, blahblah, get it all out of your system. I was involved in the Rupture project and we just recently sold our shares. I got out with a cool $3 million.

Marnacleez: There you have it. Three self-made men who rose to unparalleled success in the World of Warcraft. Rags to riches indeed; the American dream, gone digital. First off, what are your views on the tournament scene? CGI, MGL, WWI, and all of that?

Zyz: Been there. Done that. Won that. You heard?

Kevoh: I've been keeping track of the tournaments. I rigged up a flatscreen to my computer so I can watch the streaming video while lying in bed. I like to curl up with some Baskin Robbins and cheer on my favorites.

Zyz: That's mad gay.

Ctidalwave: Tournaments? There's still tournaments for WoW? I figured yeah, maybe there'd be some in Korea. Those people eat that **** up. They also lay eggs, I hear. I stopped paying attention to Arena in general once I became rich - now that I have real life money, I no longer need to live out my fantasies vicariously through a video game.

Marnacleez: Did you say they lay eggs? That's just awful and completely untrue. Moving on, where do you guys see WoW in five years, and where do you see yourselves?

Kevoh: In five years? WoW will probably be on its eighth expansion, and still dominating the market. Where will I be? ****, I don't know. I've always wanted to be a dancer, I'll probably pursue that.

Ctidalwave: In five years, I'll have accumulated a personal net worth exceeding $50 Million by my best estimates. Investments and ****. As for WoW, I personally think it'll be dead by then. Some new game will come along, or Blizzard will release a next-gen MMO to compete with itself - nothing drives excellence like competition within two divisions of the same corporation. That's business 101.

Zyz: lol, okay Bill Gates. You hear this guy? Jeez louise, what a fruitcake. In five years I'll have ditched these slaves and I'll be the top Rogue on BG9. I'll be in the Hall of Fame on Warcraftmovies.com.

Marnacleez: Yes, that's right, you have published a PvP video. I thought it was superb, myself, but the overall reception was rather lukewarm. Why do you think you only averaged a 4.3 rating, rather than the coveted 5.0?

Kevoh: What did you just say to him?

Ctidalwave: Lukewarm? Uh-oh.

Zyz: Listen here you fat **** nonfactor slave scrub, my video was the hottest **** to hit the front page since "Pat 2." **** was hot like sauce, you heard? It's all politics over there. If you're not Neilyo or Ming or some other drooler then no one even bothers downloading. It's hard to break out, okay? Why don't you get the **** off my case?

Marnacleez: It appears I touched a nerve. I apologize; we'll move on to another topic. Ctide, what do you envision for the future of the industry at large, from the release of WotLK, Starcraft 2, and Diablo 3?

Ctidalwave: It's quite obvious that Blizzard is trying to monopolize the PC platform. They're basically the Microsoft of gaming at this point. The three most popular genres are RTS, FPS and MMO/RPG in general - with the release of these three products, they'll instantly corner two out of three markets. As for FPS, despite the failure of SC: Ghost, Blizzard is merging with Activision. Not only do I expect to see a fully developed Blizzard FPS, but perhaps even the company's breakout into consoles.

Zyz: I think I fell asleep. I'm not even kidding. I totally nodded off during that ****. Can we talk about PvP, please?

Marnacleez: Alright. Zyz, Kevoh, give me your opinions on the most popular comps for 3v3, which continues to be the most competitive bracket.

Kevoh: RWD, you ever heard of it? **** is nasty. We break heads. Sure, sometimes we lose to a team when they've got an Enhancement Shaman, but who has Enhancement Shamans? Seriously. That's one in a million chance right there, which means our record will look something like this: 999,999,999 - 1, rating 2835.

Zyz: As for other comps, well, you've got platespam teams, you've got gib teams, and then you have the **** in between. The scrubbiest of course is pal/sham/warr or priest/dru/warr. I personally think the hardest comps to play, besides RWD, is rogue/lock/elemental shaman.

Marnacleez: Yes, I've heard quite a bit about rogue/lock/ele shaman in the recent weeks. People are calling it the Korean comp, as it was perfected there.

Kevoh: Korean comp is straight nasty, man. Three overpowered classes. Three bad *****. Warrior teams get eaten up, slurp slurp. They've got a hard counter with RMP, though.

Zyz: I concur with this queer. RMP dominates those setups. But the only people who play RMP are retards who can't stand up with a real matrix.

Ctidalwave: I find it rather peculiar that, according to my calculations, the amount of RMP when considering battlegroup integration --

Zyz: OKAY SHUT UP! NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR CALCULATIONS!

Ctidalwave: I'm just trying to --

Zyz: LOLUMAD NERD? LOLUMAD NERD? LOLUMAD NERD?

Kevoh: Once he gets like this, he pretty much keeps going until he's out of steam. He'll sleep good tonight, let me tell you. (Kevoh reached over and gave Zyz a gentle pat on the thigh at this point.)

Marnacleez: Okay, that's all the time we have for today. Thanks for joining us on the Vindication Roundtable Discussion. I'd like to thank my panelists for coming out tonight, and Protosz for keeping my house clean. This is Marnacleez with the Zombieblog exclusive, signing off.

The night regressed from there; after a shouting match of epic proportions, Zyz curled up on the radiator and promptly went to sleep. Kevoh decided to leave early to watch his Sex and the City DVDs, leaving Ctidalwave and I to retreat to my quarters for some well-earned privacy.

Stay tuned for the next Zombieblog installment, which will include an in-depth movie review to keep you informed on what's worth watching on Warcraftmovies!

The Zombie Hegemony

no.spam@gameriot.com (Marnacleez) — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 11:26:00 -0400

It was a week ago exactly that I made my glorious return to Azeroth, and found it changed inexplicably - a barren wasteland, a shattered realm. The very earth itself was cracked and grey, choked with weeds and thirsty for rain. It made for a bleak and depressing reunion. I am unsure as to whether or not the majority of my dear readers will understand this plight. Some of you have probably taken breaks from the game. In your absence, new players show up and usurp your previous positions; the very rules are changed, but no one will tell you how to play. I could use someone telling me how to play. Usually, I just mash Hemorrhage until my target miraculously dies. At this point, I will jabber and bray like some crazed monster, reach a hand down into my pants and extract a hefty handful of feces and sling it at the far wall. Those are my tactics for the Arena, and they don't seem to work anymore.

It is a different experience altogether to be held back by gear. Usually, I'm held back by my mediocre skill level; that's how it's always been. Despite my rather lackluster talent for the game - you must understand, I was born with no natural flair for video games - rigorous practice is usually sufficient to master the Sharin-gan or whatever the ****. That is how I have always done it in the past. It is something entirely different to see my gear level lag behind my skill level, and that has never been the case until now. Nonetheless, I press on; head down, a blind bull rush towards the finish line in some grim spectacle that is no doubt similar to a Special Olympics hurdle race. When I bang my knee on the Holy **** You Have Like, No Resilience hurdle, I shake it off and keep running. When I trip over the God Damn Your Damage is Pathetic hurdle, I get back up and dust myself off. One cannot let these obstacles prevent them from reaching their goal - and I certainly didn't.

After several hours of 2v2, I managed to claw my personal rating up, all the way to 1600. That's like one hundred ******* points right there. This is the beginning of the season, mind you; it's not exactly like you're fighting scrubs and casuals all the way to 1850, though I have no doubt that will be the case in another couple of weeks. I suppose if we had put in adequate time and effort we could have gotten higher - we were playing double rogue, my good friend Garnett and I. He used to be called Lynch, which is just about the most bad ass name for an undead rogue you can have - besides my own, of course - but those Blizzard bureaucrats made him change it. Philistines.

In other news, the rest of my guild is doing fairly well. Once the servers go live today, and all the titles are handed out, <lolumad> will have around 15 Gladiators. Not including me. When you hit level 70 mid-Season 3 and then go to jail for four months, **** does not bode well for getting a Netherdrake. I am not too broken up about it, though; I've never lusted after the accolades of the system. I am more of an observer, partial and biased though I may be - I prefer to watch and record the victories of my companions, because they're all pretty damn good. Terrorz and Ehto managed to get their 2v2 to 2050: thus Terrorz was the first person on Vindication with a Season 4 weapon. The Brutal Gladiator's Geargrinder, or whatever, it's pretty sick. Terrorz, Ehto and Cadul are back in the 3v3 saddle and will no doubt be one of the teams contending for Vindication's top spots, and since I'm their friend, and in their guild, I'm basically just as good as they are. I'm elite by association, so you better respect me.

Other News in Pro-Gaming

As many of you know, the past few weeks have been pretty heavy with gaming tournamnets. MGL, MGS, MSG, CGLS, CGI, CTGG, CKY, WWI Paris, some have come to pass and some linger on the horizon, like leviathans surfacing in the shallow shoals; rearing their ugly heads and trumpeting a challenge. Some fat nerds won some real life money by playing a make believe game, and that always gives me hope for my own accomplishments in the future. I don't know who won any of the tournaments. Serennia, Hafu, Glicks, teh_pwnerer, Icefrog, Grubby, George the 2000 DPS Warrior, MoB Turtleforce, MoB Turtlebeach, MoB Something gay with Turtles, who the **** cares? Go read Ming's blog if you want to keep up with the "MoB Godfath3r."

Financial Update

In economic news, gas is up to like $4.35 for a gallon here in New York state. This, in turn, drives up the cost of shipping and travel; food and paper products have risen in cost as a direct result. Russia's Dictator-for-Life Vladimir Putin, a cold-eyed ex-KGB badass, is contemplating the hammer and sickle once more, to create some disgusting Sino-Russian superstate that I always thought was a product of George Orwell's imagination. Global or domestic, fossil fuels are draining the markets and the future looks grim - a world war, perhaps? Who can say? All I know is, this setup leaves pro-gamers in a precarious position. The travel cost to even get to a tournament is astronomical; it cannot be justified unless you're certain to win enough to break even, and that is a difficult call in international tourneys. They're full of Europeans, Koreans, Chinamen and other asian lizards that are all better at the game than us. **** is precarious. On the flipside, behind-the-scenes action is pretty hot right now; the industry for online gaming has never been bigger. The people who setup the Rupture site recently sold their properties to a corporate buyer, and once the investors made their capital profits, Vindication's own Ctidalwave of the PALS FOR LIFE was made a millionaire in one swift stroke. This is good news for the rest of us. The world is so full of possibilities, and the online gaming community is very similar to the inflated "dot com boom" of the late 1990's. You're investing money and time into intangible properties, hyping them up, making paltry revenue through advertising and pagehits, and then you unload your project to some ignorant corporate conglomerate and make bank. The amount of money changing hands over online properties is pretty obscene.

In conclusion, this is a busy time for pretty much everyone. The casuals are farming honor to get as much gear as they can lay their grubby little fingers on. The pros are queuing arena non-stop, climbing up the ladder to secure for themselves a high standing and the boons of such: a weapon and, later, season 4 shoulders. The PvE'ers are still ******* the dead corpse that is Black Temple, and the good ones are making slow but gradual headway through Sunwell; a rather pisspoor imitation of Naxxramas, with the same kind of design and difficulty - and the same foresight, it seems. Both are failures in different ways. Naxxramas failed because they released it too close to the Expansion; once the Burning Crusade's release date was announced, all the guilds cockblocked on the Four Horsemen or at other parts of the dungeon simply despaired and surrendered. The Sunwell does not have a flaw in its timing, only in its content - it is depressingly small. I haven't raided anything in months, the last raid I did was Black Temple and I don't miss it at all. I can't stand raiding, despite how much of it I've done over the past 3 years. Despite this, I still sympathize with raiders - to see how long they waited for Sunwell and to see how little content can be found within those walls is something like a slap in the face.

As for the future, I expect to be gathering honor and arena points steadily over the next few weeks, preparing myself for another crack at competitive play. I haven't played real Arena (by real, I mean the 2000+ brackets) since before I got rid of my warrior - it will help me better master the Rogue class, to bathe myself in shadows and strike when the enemy least expects it; to execute a flawless sharingan and be gone like a wind in the autumn leaves before my opponents detect my presence.

Keep watching for the next Zombieblog post, which will include:
- The Celebrities of Battleground Vindication
- Warcraftmovies.com: What Videos Don't Suck
- Arena Comp Comparisons with advice from the people who play them
- Why Soulwrath is gay

The Return of the Zombieblog

no.spam@gameriot.com (Marnacleez) — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 09:46:51 -0400

It feels good to be back. I don't think it has really sunken in yet, as far as feeling just how it used to - between playing in the World of Warcraft and sitting here at my blog desk, everything is foreign. The motions are gradually coming back to me, things falling into place. It's returning to your comfort zone, like lying down in your own big bed after spending a week trapped in the wilderness with Les Stroud.

Forgive me if I'm not in the same writing fervor that drives my usual composition. I just woke up and felt the urge to post a little taste, a teaser if you will. Over my usual breakfast of coffee (triple sugar no cream) and cheap Indian cigarettes, I am here to ramble on about the less exciting topics and clear the air for the major post I intend to do later today.

First of all, my absence was highly inconvenient and unforeseen; we moved from our old house to a new house, this one is slightly smaller and only about five miles down the road, but it's in a brand new development. Everything is brand new, and it's nice, you know, that sort of novelty feeling. The downside, of course, is that the development administration is trying to manage all the amenities and utilities, through rather shady dealings with respective companies - for instance, they handle cable and cable internet service, though they're supplied by Time Warner. This was a problem in and of itself: the cable service wouldn't be ready until mid-June, so I had to make do with dial up for about 2.5 months. It was awful. I know most of you probably can't even imagine it: you can't play WoW, or any other game for that matter, including WC3, CS:S, CoD4, etc. Nothing. You can't watch videos on Youtube or any other streaming site. Forget about downloading anything, whether it's a video or a song or a torrent. Or a damn picture. I'm not even kidding. My download speed averaged 17 kb/s.

Now we've finally got the cable installed and man, it's great. Faster than my old Time Warner service. I went right back into my old WoW habits, but I found the landscape irrevocably changed. A plethora of new guilds appeared on Gorefiend during my absence, and all of them seem to be doing T6 content, which is apparently pretty easy now; not that I give a ****, I've spent enough time raiding to know that it gets terribly boring after about two weeks.

My gear is just dated, now. Just dated. Before I was denied access, my gear was catching up; if left unmolested, I would have had full Season 3 and Vindicator's, with probably 5,000 Arena Points and maybe 50,000 Honor saved up for S4. You must understand, I didn't hit 70 on my Rogue until mid-S3 and I was already struggling to play catch up. Now I've been set back even further, so I have to make do; scratching out gear piece by piece, a mishmash piecemeal suit of armor to which every season has contributed. I'm going to keep at it, though; I anticipate I'll be geared enough to compete in a serious manner in about a month if I maintain this discipline.

My biggest fear was the rust. I have always been a decent player, perhaps leaning towards mediocre when I choose not to apply myself; I have never been an all-star by any stretch of the imagination. I am a gamer, and I have been a gamer since I was 9 years old; but I am not a natural gamer. I have no natural flair, no talent, no great hand-eye coordination. Every game I've loved and played and beaten was through sheer force of will, which is to say, practice. I was afraid I would have lost every little Rogue tendency during my unwilling sabbatical, because as it was I was fairly new to the class before I left. I have been kicking and executing finishers with an instinctual and strategic level of speed and competence, however, and this gives me hope.

Stay tuned for another post later today or possibly early tomorrow.

The Road to Competition

no.spam@gameriot.com (Marnacleez) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 00:32:09 -0400

As a first-time Rogue who recently hit level 70, I find the gearing/preparatory process far more daunting than I remember. When I played a warrior, I was always ahead of the curve; 5,000 Arena points and 75,000 Honor saved up months before the release of the new season. I had the coveted buffer zone, as it had been with the previous season, all the way back to the expansion release. This time around, I find myself coming to grips with playing catch up - and it isn't a day in the park.

First off, let me apologize for my rather sporadic blogging. I'm in the process of moving to a brownstone penthouse downtown, and hauling boxes consumes a lot of my waking hours. What am I doing the remainder of the time? Farming Honor, of course. The amount of honor (not to mention Marks) required for full S1 gear and full Vindicator's is simply staggering. The new reputation vendor gear that bridges the gap between PvE gear and Season 1 is nice, but blue items make me feel like a prince-turned-pauper, exiled from his court and forced to wander the dusty waste, tattered rags clinging to his sweat-slick muscles. I was an Orc Warrior with full Vengeful Gladiator's Battlegear, full Vindicator's, the Vengeful Gladiator's Bonegrinder, et al. Now I am a turd rogue - the kind I used to catch out of stealth with delight and promptly kill without regard to Cheat Death. It is a painful switch, but like every experience, has an inherent lesson to be learned.

Blizzard has chosen the most recent patch as an opportunity to test out the new Battleground "match-making" feature. Their intent, of course, was to match up premades with premades, PUGs with PUGs, and generally have equal groups face off. Word on the street is that the total amount of a group's Resilience is the deciding factor, which has led to some premades lounging around the Battlemasters in nothing but their birthday suits. Regardless of the system's specifics, the average queue time for Horde on Vindication has quadrupled. Alterac Valley is the only battleground which still boasts an instant queue, however the fact that the games are now turtle-crawls provides a desperately inconvenient catch 22.

Warsong Gulch, which is by far my favorite battleground, has an average wait time of 5-10 minutes when queuing alone, depending on the time of day. With a group, the revoltingly inaccurate "estimated wait time" notwithstanding, you're looking at something like 20+ minutes. Arathi Basin is just as bad, and as for Eye of the Storm, well, who wants to play that piece of crap? An ugly mish-mash of base assault and capture the flag with an oppressive map and a premeditated layout that encourages a rolling zerg strategy. In order to fully gear myself for the Arena, I have to spend mindless hours waiting in queues, when before this patch it was simply mindless hours in the battleground itself. I will always prefer the latter, of course, because even instanced, regulated, watered-down PvP always trumps no PvP.

Lately I have found myself on the Isle of Quel'Danas as a substitute to my usual battleground grind. It is a PvP hotspot, where most of the "server celebrities" can be found at all hours of the day. Here they toil away at menial daily quests best suited for the desperate few who are still without an epic flying mount. A large percentage of the questers wear nothing with Resilience on it, and of course all of these people are PvE spec'd. This boils down to an unprecedented buffet for which I salivate, a literal sushi bar of tender morsels wrapped in raiding purples rather than seaweed. One can almost make a decent amount of honor here. While I have always detested any grind, there is something to be said for working towards a goal. Competitive arena play is one of the few entertaining pastimes remaining to the game, and in order to play seriously, one must do their time in BG State Penitentiary, breaking rocks in the Honorgrind Quarry. You can call me Cool Hand Luke - puttin' on poisons here, boss.

In closing, I want to add a list of dueling faux pas that have been a constant source of irritation, an open wound in the World of Warcraft. I realize this would have been more appropriate in one of my previous entries (see Dueling: The Art of Gentlemen), but it simply hadn't been formulated.

1. Don't drink potions. Any potions. This includes flasks. I know you and your merry band just finished dethroning Illidan and you want to duel, but if you happen to lose with a flask on, it will only lead to ridicule. This rule can also be extended to non-class buffs, which are most certainly a breach of etiquette.

2. Cooldowns. We all have them. Some are more powerful than others. Ever since the bygone age preceding the implementation of the Arena, any cooldown over 10 minutes has been questionable - even frowned upon. I realize this applies mostly to Warriors, and maybe it's fun to pop Recklessness and tear a helpless Holy Priest apart, but you're not proving anything.

3. Let the Warrior get his Charge off. Some people think that using an attack or spell with a range exceeding that of Charge is some sort of a masterstroke, like a preemptive military strike or a daring chess maneuver. It really isn't. Some classes hinge on getting the opener; with Rogues, it's really up to them. A Rogue should be good enough to control the battle, and if he gets caught with his pants down, it's his own fault. The same is not true for the Warrior, however. Without Charge to begin their combat flow, they flop around like clubbed seals. Have some compassion.

4. Consumables that aren't potions - well, this is really a case-by-case sort of thing. I would say yes to Engineering items, because a well-timed grenade demonstrates forethought and skill. Then you have things like tubers, Night Dragon's Breath, Nightmare Seeds, Thistle Tea - this is the kind of thing for which Gorefiend's Rontu was infamous. None of this stuff is even all that useful these days, and like most of this list, will only add to your humiliation should you lose. Even if you win the duel, your blatant crutch provides your opponent with a ready excuse. Keep it clean, no hits below the belt; good fight, and good night.

Interview with Terrorz: A Zombieblog Exclusive

no.spam@gameriot.com (Marnacleez) — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 20:42:20 -0400

I realize that I missed a day, and to that end, I have an explanation. The entire day was basically spent on a plane, to and from Modesto California. I could have conducted a phone interview, but I am not an amateur. I could have simply completed this feat entirely online, using one of the myriad programs that past blog interviewers have employed: Skype, Ventrilo, Teamspeak, IRC, AOL Instant Messenger, ICQ, MSN, or even the innovative World of Warcraft chat feature. Regretfully, though I am a firm believer in the advancements of the digital age, I believe a face-to-face interview is the only way to accurately ascertain the feelings of the subject. That said, I now present to you my exclusive interview with Terrorz of Vindication.

I was still a bit jet lagged when my driver turned onto West Bean boulevard and the Rolls-Royce glided pompously into the very heart of Modesto. It was a place ravaged by discontent, a mingling plethora of peoples populating every nook and cranny. Migrant workers, their skin a deep mocha that prompted me to double check that the doors were locked, milled about the seedy streets in search of a fix. The only way to end a hard day's work. Out of this concrete jungle, one man reached prominence; the racial pressures of his time cloven asunder in his rise to the top, much as his Vengeful Gladiator's Bonegrinder smashes aside any contenders.
When we reached our designated meeting place, I hurried from the car and fled into the safety of the dilapidated Taco Bell. The terracotta walls were oppressive and suffocating, blending with my nerves to keep me on edge. The nerves were justified, of course; I was about to meet Terrorz for the very first time, IRL. Not that we hadn't been acquainted previously - online, we are the best of chums, bosom buddies even. He was a handsome young Latino of about five foot seven, the wavy locks tumbling carelessly over the collar of his Abercrombie & Fitch polo. His friend Ralph was there too, but Ralph doesn't say much. He just sat quietly in the corner. As Ralph munched his Crunchwrap Supreme, I sat down and made my introduction.

Zombierogue: Nice to finally see you, man. There'll be plenty of time for tequila later, though - let's get down to brass tacks. When were you first inspired to become what some call the "Michael Jordan" of WoW?

Terrorz: Nah, man, I don't box. I'm not Oscar Delahoya, ROFL. (He actually pronounced the acronym, as though it had been accepted by Webster's.) I guess I just randomly rerolled a Warrior. I was playing a Paladin on some *** server but that class blows so I made a change. First it was to Shaman - which I grinded to rank 13 in the old pre-battleground Honor System - and then finally to Warrior, which was the perfect fit.

ZR: I see. What did you do before you were enticed into the land of Azeroth?

Terrorz: Well, I partied, you know, with my bros. Played some tennis, some b-ball, mostly surfed.

ZR: Surfed? You were a surfer? You certainly fit the part aesthetically.

Terrorz: Yeah. I surfed just about every swell from here to Australia. Went up, came down, got pitted, rode the crest. **** was nuts, brah.

ZR: That's certainly impressive. How did World of Warcraft manage to keep you entertained after such thrills?

Terrorz: It started sometime around level 60, you know, around the AQ/Naxx era. I was in a guild called Rune at the time which, as you know, pwned pretty much everybody. I got some sick ****, too - full Conqueror, Dark Edge of Insanity. That's when I got hooked. When my guild leader was about to post those purps in guild chat, the adrenaline just pumped.

ZR: I was talking more about the Arena, or PvP in general.

Terrorz: Oh. Yeah, once BC came along, we were all like, WTF you know? What are we doing now? Then the Arena got big. Sucked me in. Season 1 was decent, pretty fun, I played Rogue/Warrior/Priest in 3s and that was pretty OP. Rogues and warriors back then, man, they were nasty. Nobody had more than what, like 200 resilience?

ZR: Those were the days. When did you start playing competitively?

Terrorz: To be honest, around the time I met you. You really inspired me. I got some teams together with some friends - Ehto and Cadul and a few others, mostly - and we just started tearing kids apart. I try to be the best in everything I do, and I gotta tell you, it was really easy to be the best in the Arena.

ZR: So you never really felt much of a challenge?

Terrorz: Well, certain things pissed me off. The 4-DPS teams ran rampant in S2. People like Terrion and Clan HeX would just melt a warrior down. It was pretty frustrating. But beyond that, I didn't really find too much trouble. Season 3 was annoying at first, 'cause there were a lot of new comps that we had to learn.

ZR: Er... how did it feel to reach the coveted SKGaming Top 100 list?

Terrorz: In all honesty, I didn't really care. Everyone was always talking about it. Whispering me and ****. It was annoying. I was like #1 or whatever, no biggie, I'm used to being #1.

ZR: Being the best warrior in the entire world is a pretty big accomplishment. What do you have to say to your contemporary peers? Serennia, Kevoh, Nilcrab, Xahlior, the other big-name warriors that played at that time?

Terrorz: Some of them are decent I guess. Serennia stole my spec and my team comps, but whatever. You do what you gotta do to win, that's all there is to it. The rest of those guys are turds, though, I crush them.

ZR: So you say. What does the future hold for the Arena in your opinion? After such devastating blows as the WSVG falling apart, along with every subsequent tournament - not to mention BG9 being terrible now.

Terrorz: I never really bought into that whole BG9 thing. At one point, yeah, I was kind of thinking about transferring. Mulling it over, you know, brah? But then the quality of the competition seemed to slacken. I mean, every battlegroup is pretty similar at the top levels, though there's probably a few more teams on BG9 that are worth something. I just think it's kind of late in the game to pull up my roots, you dig? I got a lot of baggage here, friends, a girl, that kind of stuff.

ZR: A girl? On Gorefiend, you mean, or here in this Taco Bell?

Terrorz: Nah, on Gorefiend. I don't talk about that, not with the press. That's private, nerd. Anything else? I'm gonna go play some Smash Bros Brawl with some of my bros. You can tag along if you want, bro.

ZR: Well, that just about wraps it up. Thanks for your time. And sure, I'll come along. I'd like to meet the people that have influenced you.

Terrorz: Yeah, whatever nerd. Let's go.

We got up and left together, and proceeded to rendezvous with some of his so-called "bros" at his house. I was introduced to several of the most unsavory characters I had ever met - Steve Johansen, Ian Ponics and Dave Hydro among them - and then the night passed into a blur of tequila. I woke up outside, in the gutter, with no clothes on. It was quite a trip.

Dueling: The Art of Gentlemen

no.spam@gameriot.com (Marnacleez) — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 01:13:05 -0400

The cracked plain of Durotar is as unforgiving as it is barren. Dust rises beneath the footfalls of two weary combatants; they circle one another, studious in their scrutiny, each waiting for the other to slip. To expose their weakness, so the canny pugilist might exploit it. One of the warriors is stifling in the dry heat, trembling with the tangible level of anticipation. Droplets of perspiration find their way down from a matted head of hair, a veritable sluice of sweat, dangling from the precipice of the brow and threatening peripheral vision.

The drop falls, and his opponent makes his move. The duel is over, almost as swiftly as it began, and the victor lofts his blade. The other is not so lucky; he is down, now, his blood mingling with the dust and seeping into the thirsty, sun-stroked clay.

Such is the way of the duel.

There is a great clamor, virtually perpetual when the discussion arises, claiming that duels mean "nothing." Some say that the only combat that matters is the even contest between two teams in an instanced Arena, premeditated. I am of the opinion that all combat matters. The samurai must suppress all emotion, and move with the wind - that is the kaze - never against it. He must follow in the footsteps of giants, and approach every challenge as if it were his last. As if his life and the life of his ancestors depend on his victory. And should he be defeated, he shall rise again, stronger from the lesson.

There is the arena, which pits one team against the other. The teams, barring disconnects, are always the same number. In the higher brackets, the choices of gear are always virtually identical due to necessity. They fight, and certain factors determine the victor: class composition, predetermination, flawless execution and a smile from Lady Fortune. We all love the arena, the thrill of meeting our opponents, of making those great game-winning decisions with no forewarning. It is an adrenaline rush, for all classes, not just Rogues.

Regardless, righteous battle takes many guises - some that excite me all the same. There is world PvP, which is far more forgiving to my new class than it was for the Warrior. Unlike in Pre-BC, where a geared warrior could cleave through a very army before succumbing to his enemies, the simple factor of survivability prevents this now. Eventually, the warrior will fall, and he will fall with much more expedience than he did during the yesteryear of vanilla WoW. The Rogue, however, has the ability to control the very pace of combat, to choose his battles with wisdom, and to neutralize certain opponents before the first blow has even been struck.

And then there is dueling. You know, the part of the game that "means nothing." I take issue with this, because if this was the way of it, people would not take their defeats (and victories) so seriously. I will admit that sometimes, if it is a duel between two members of the same class, it sometimes comes down to dumb luck. And there are other match ups where the odds are stacked against you, but this does not mean victory is unattainable - the road is merely beset by more obstacles.

Currently, though I am new to the Rogue class, I have only lost duels to Terrorz, who is by far the best warrior on the Gorefiend server, and the only BG4 warrior to ever reach #1 on the SKGaming 100 List. The gear difference is obviously a big factor, but I do not judge it as an excuse, merely a limitation. You can only poison kite and bleed for so long. Sooner or later, a Kidney Shot will be resisted. Lately, my best series was 6-0 against the infamous Kspan, a Hunter who vastly outgears me. I am well aware of the fact that, with Preparation available, a Subtlety Rogue will never lose to a Hunter. So I forfeited Preparation - this combined with the fact that he started the duel on top of me four times out of six, and flared me out of stealth as soon as the fight began. It made no difference; my victory was complete. Kspan tasted the red dirt of Durotar. I remain Zombierogue, humble and true, and the best duelist on Vindication.

On Ming.

no.spam@gameriot.com (Marnacleez) — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 00:51:14 -0400

I feel I should get this out of the way early on, so I am not forced to constantly backtrack and explain my views. I have topics and ideas surging at an irascible rate, and this on the very first day - 'twas barely hours hence that I lost my Gameriot virginity, my tender hymen punctured by probing comments. In order to get to it, business as usual, I need to slough off the inherent obligations related to such a venture.

Obviously Ming is an influence, as he has influenced all of us who form the Gameriot community. On an individual level, however, Ming-sama means many different things. To one man, he is a friend; to another, an obstacle. Such is the price that comes with notoriety: heavy is the head that wears the crown. I do play a Rogue currently, although I have spent most of my adventures in Azeroth as a Warrior. Class-wise, I do not find Ming to be especially influential; there was nothing he did that others didn't do first, though perhaps he did it better. I would cite Hector, Grim, and the venerated Rontu (How you doing, Christian?) of my home server as the first few smiths who, through the sheer force of their will, crafted videos to attract the eye and excite the loins.

However, it was not about playing the game that attracted me to the World of Ming. In fact, it was the negative feedback that piqued my interest. Can you imagine? One of my associates would barge into my parlor (that is my private ventrilo channel), breathing huskily in excitement, and relate to me how there is "some weird anime guy who calls everyone chakras and jujitsus." Curiosity got the best of me. I will say, I was drawn to the subtle aura that pervades the air about Ming, the soft yellow glow that radiates from his presence. It was not the Rogue that enticed me in his seductive web, but the businessman, and the writer.

Among his accomplishments, heaped heavy (I imagine) upon some crude Buddhist shrine, there is one that intrigued me. He pioneered. Most people hardly took gaming blogs seriously before the World of Ming. Like Laura Ingalls before him, he trudged the trails of the unknown, forged a path through the tall grass, and paved the way for gamers and Asian-Americans alike. He did not hesitate, or balk at a challenge; no, Ming reached out and grasped what he wanted. Now he is wealthy and engaged, whereas I am fat and lonely. I learn my lessons well.

Perhaps I do not possess his work ethic. I have always been lazy. My first job ended in termination when my superiors discovered the nest I had created in a maintenance closet to support my sleeping habit. I do, however, have the will to persevere when something like this is considered. I have certain qualities that fit the blogger's bill. I am genial, and somewhat of a local legend around my native server. I tend to build bridges where I go, rather than burn them. I am a silver-tongued devil, almost Irish in my eloquence; a cunning linguist among my female friends, with panache enough to be compared to Brendan Fraser's character in The Mummy. And that, my friends, was a great film.

Welcome to Gameriot, Marnacleez!

no.spam@gameriot.com (Marnacleez) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 17:48:40 -0400

I am taking the opportunity to begin this digital journal by welcoming myself to the Gameriot community. I am confident that, here among my equals and subordinates I will find friendship and acceptance. I may even find an "Estel" of my very own; a woman to nurture and love, not unlike a small houseplant. I will water this woman no less than twice daily, I will sing to her in a voice that is like molten gold poured over thunder. I will impregnate her with my mighty seed, and together we shall rear formidable children to carry on my legacy.

So far I am really enjoying the community here. No one has talked to me yet, but I assume that one has to make a name for themselves before collecting the subsequent laurels. I will begin what I expect to be the most popular blog on this website with an introduction, so that my faithful readers might know the man behind such pixelated prowess.

My name is Marnacleez. I have also been called Marna, Cleez, and Zombierogue. The latter, I assure you, is not so pedestrian as it seems. I thought that the bloated rogue class had sufficiently terrible nomenclature on an individual level, but I simply could not resist. I had to partake, and Stabsyou was already taken (as was Colonelstabbington).

I have been mastering the games all across the electronic arena since my youth. I remember reclining on my father's knee, collecting pellets, fruit (the occasional pretzel was never shunned) and furiously masticating ghosts on our old Atari system. I always found the world of console gaming a bit uncivilized; even Goldeneye and the Mortal Kombat franchise could not tether my wandering eye for very long. This tedium coincided quite conveniently with the purchase of my first Personal Computer. The rest, they say, is history.

I currently play my Undead Rogue (the aforementioned zombie, known as ZR to his contemporaries) on the Gorefiend-US PvP server. Our quaint little server is settled on Vindication, a mediocre battlegroup, Jersey to Bloodlust's New York. I have often contemplated gathering my cadre of ne'er-do-wells and trudging off to Battleground the Ninth, but why bother? Why exchange a group of nerds who I know for those that I do not? If your response is, "Well, for a challenge of course! BG9 has the best PvP and the best players in the entire game!" I would have no qualms with taking my cane to your backside. The fact of the matter is, any advantages that Bloodlust once boasted have long since lost their luster. The players talk big, but they're all quite bad; most of the top teams rarely play, especially in the 5s bracket.

I will let you in on a little secret before we continue. I am a leech; a parasite, always seeking a new host that will nourish my insatiable hunger. In real life circles, the term for this is "social climber." My current hosts, who have supported me through my failed endeavors for a long time now, include Terrorz, Cadul, Ehto and several other Vindication celebrities - some of whom occupied the coveted top 3 spots on SKGaming's 100 List. I am sufficient to deal judgment and voice unfounded opinions by association alone; understand that.

I look forward to making my mark, much like an independent woman, taking on the masculine workforce with unswerving nerves and a gleam in her eye. Like Mary Tyler Moore, I will throw my cap into the air, smile with unbridled delight and offer you an in-depth look into my liberated lifestyle. Good day, and good reading.