Blog Posts from "The Life e-Casual" - Gameriot.com

Revenge Of The PVE Nerds

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 22:32:46 -0400

Dearest readers, those who know me well realize the low estate in which I hold WoW's "Don't Stand in the @#$!! Fire" Dragon nerd community. It's not that they spend days mastering simple tasks for which full length walkthroughs exist, or that they require endless weeks of practice to defeat unchanging AI written by bored devs. I mean, we're different but in the end we're the same, right? After all, PVE and PVP are equally challenging, just different. For example, we PVPers (like myself, a FURIOUS DUELIST) measure our loot via arena points whereas PVE Champions measure their chance at RNG loot via Dragon Kill Points (DKP). Totally the same... or is it? Every time I think the dragonslayer nerds are just like everyone else I realize, as I did this week, that they truly are a breed apart.

Vault of Scripted Sorrows, Part II
As usual my story begins in the tempest that is Vault of RNG Sorrow. Maybe it's just my backwater server on Nightfail, but this is my second post that begins with a PVE nerd raging over lolVault. I, badge geared pro PVE tank that I am, was brought in to tank mighty Koralon. I know, I know, this is an incredibly challenging encounter that will test me to my very limits. I know there are a lot of gladiators and fellow PVPers here, so let me brief people on how difficult this fight really is. The entire strategy and execution depends on one very exacting maxim:

DON'T STAND IN THE @#$!!! FIRE

So after three brutal minutes of hard, sweaty man's work, tanking like the PVE nerd champ that I am, Koralon falls. You simply must imagine the difficulty of avoiding the stationary pools of fire created at preset intervals by static AI. Jackpot! PVE T9 lolret legs drop. Now, I play protribution in arena this season so naturally I rolled on them because they were a huge upgrade over the lolhateful I had. Alas, apparently this was an unforgivable act that sealed my PVE fate for Arygos-Nightfail PUGs... forever!

You see, there was a PVE nerd of the nom de guerre of Maximoose, Champion of the Scripted Wastes, who played lolret during his evening dragonslaying nerd forays. He became irrational and irate when he lost the roll to me. His nerdraging was classic, if somewhat predictable:

Maximoose tells the raid : I DESERVED THOSE LEGS YOU GREEDY A$$HOLES!
Maximoose tells the raid : I ONLY HAVE T8.5, ROMA YOU @#$@!!! *****!
Romavictor tells the raid : **Furious Duelist Roma, please, respect the title if not the man.
Maximoose tells the raid : I'M GOING TO FILE A TICKET WITH A GM!
Maximoose tells the raid : YOU'LL NEVER RAID AGAIN ON ARYGOS, MOTHER@!!@!@#!

And so on. He raged semi-coherently for about 2-3 minutes before he finally left the raid as we were engaging Emalon, another incredibly challenging scripted encounter about which the very bards write sagas. I thought I had put this sad encounter behind me but, alas, the vengeful memory of PVE nerds is eternal, and unsleeping.

Payback, She Is Le *****
It always comes back to loot, and standing (or not standing) in the @$#!! fire. So this evening, weeks later, I'm invited to tank for an Ony 25 raid. It was a nice break from homework so I accepted. Little did I know the horrors that were in store for me or the hot vengeance that awaited! I received a summons to Ony's Lair and moments later I arrived, filled with trepidation at the prospect of another grueling, difficult PVE endeavor before me. For those not familiar with a 5 year old preset, static encounter, let me briefly spell out the stratagem you must employ to defeat this pinnacle of hardcore PVE raiding:

DONT' STAND IN THE @$!!! FIRE

So I show up and... I'm removed from the raid. I blink, confused for a moment, tears welling in my gorgeous belf eyes. And then the full measure of PVE nerd vengeance struck!

I Am Put In My Place!

I was devastated, nay, heartbroken. My selfish greed on an open PUG Vault roll the previous week had cost me a slot in a PUG Ony 25 raid!!!!... FOREVER! Alas, there are no upgrades for me in Ony 25 anyways, but I enjoy running it for fun. I think perhaps, dear readers, that this then is the true devastation of his mad revenge : Maximoose, Champion of the Scripted Wastes, dastardly dragonslayer PUGger that he is, has cost me a chance at fun... for one night!

And so I write tonight's entry with a heavy heart, world weary and ashamed. Will I ever find enjoyment or fun in this game ever again? Can my heart ever be whole again? Will I ever truly be able to look myself in the mirror and accept that I am a man, a REAL man?

Oh that's right, I play arena. Nevermind.

DON'T STAND IN THE @$!! FIRE.

/4 Tank/Heals LFG Ony 10/25

Heh.

A Vengeful Duelist No More

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 10:25:01 -0400

It seems a lifetime ago that I *cough* earned the glorious title of VENGEFUL DUELIST ROMA VICTOR. Seasons came and went, an xpac was released and a paladin finally won a 3v3 tournament after six seasons of abject futility. So it was with great pleasure to discover that the casual hokage is now forevermore FURIOUS DUELIST ROMA VICTOR.

A Moment Of Thanks
The list of people to whom I owe a debt of gratitude for this stupendous achievement is too long to list. Nevertheless a few must be mentioned:
God : for the gifts of my indomitable will, unquenchable desire, cat like reflexes, Sun-Tsuesque tactics and pure, raw skill as a prot/holy paladin.
Ketel One vodka : for the Dutch courage to accept losses stoically (***@#!!! MOTHER@#!! ROGUE @#$!! @*#$@#ING MAGES are so @#$f!!! OP!!!! @#$qaa MANA BURN @#$!!! ... Okay, go ahead and re-queue).
Lord Kalgan The Most Merciful : for the warrior class, his eternal beloved, and the prot/holy paladin healing spec.
... and last, but certainly not least, my guardian angel and benefactor : Starsoo, THE GREATEST WARRIOR ON ALL OF ARYGOS, THE JEWEL OF THE NIGHTFAIL BATTLEGROUP.

What Skill Looks Like As Prot/Holy

Starsoo deserves a brief paean to his puissant glory and devoted compassion towards a lowly Dalaran sewers paladin waif like myself. He was able to hoist a perennial Rival onto his strong back and carry me to Duelist in a few short weeks. For the first time in six seasons I was able to play the same class and spec the entire season, be fully geared and have a chance to hit my skill cap. My only regret is that in the final week of the season we didn't get to push for glad because I had law school finals where I'm pushing for glad instead (current class rank : #3). Nevertheless, season six will go down as my all time favorite season and that is thanks primarily to Gladiator Starsoo, The Scourge of Nightfail. Kind sir, I will toast your memory for the remainder of my e-life. This Ketel One's for you.

Alterac Valley : Still Better Than Sex
I once opined that AV weekend was perhaps better than sex. I have since discovered an even greater pleasure : AV weekend as a means of leveling alts! I have neither the time nor inclination to level any alts actively, but the experience of hopping around in Primalist Thurloga's cave while doing homework is nothing short of ecstasy. I now have a priest, lock and rogue that haven't been played since S3 all dancing merrily on their way to 80. I have no idea what I'll do with them at 80, but I think this is the greatest casual feature that Lord Kalgan, May His Light Shine Forever, has ever introduced. This promiscuous orgy of leveling without wasting any real time beats a night with Megan Fox, no question. I'm very curious if it will be possible to level this way to 85 in the xpac. If so, I doubt I will experience Cataclysm outside of the cave in AV until I'm 85. One can dream! (Can you tell how much I enjoy PVE?).

Season 7 : Back On The Bench
Sadly season 7 is a return to the travails of the busy casual, fraught with life's uncertainties and responsibilities. My 2's team consists of myself and a real life buddy playing a poorly geared hunter he hasn't touched since S3. Damage, er, skill is so high right now that even with massive spell power I cannot keep him alive. Therefore we switched to double dps as protribution + BM hunter. I admit I'm not used to the WotLK playstyle : charge out of the gates, pop all cd's and hope someone drops during the duration of bestial wrath. As a recovering lolret it took a few games for me to relearn the button mashing strategy that is WotLK's forte. Strangely this skillful strategy has worked better so far than healing the hunter because I win so many 1v2's as protribution after the hunter explodes. I know, I know, you expect nothing less from a Furious Duelist, but remember I haven't played dps since S4 so I'm out of practice. I love the comp though so I hope at some point he can survive long enough that I can go back to healing, which I prefer in 2's.

As usual my plans for a 3's team fell apart the first week of the season due to my inability to play for four hours the first night. Unfortunately on the hermit kingdom server of Arygos, the number of PVPers is not high so my options are limited. I wanted to run a cleave similar to Yiska's (MS + protribution + rdruid/hpally) but no love thus far. It may be time to transfer to a more active server so that finding teammates with the same schedule isn't so difficult. Is Blackrock the new Mal'Ganis? I'd love some advice on where the most active servers are for Horde (and no I'm not xferring to ez mode Alliance anytime soon - I can't give up my stable of belf hotties).

Sincerely,
FURIOUS DUELIST ROMA VICTOR

P.S. A belated grats to eMg for their amazing MLG Dallas victory.

Zilea Victor

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 09:15:57 -0400

There are those indelible moments in each of our lifetimes that will never be forgotten. Whether it be a first kiss, the birth of a child or the first day of freshman year, they are etched onto our souls forever, woven into the very skein of our lives. And then there are our shared events, reflecting the times and struggles of a whole generation, such as the moon landing or the fall of the Berlin Wall. I think I speak for millions across the world today by stating that Zilea's victory at Blizzcon qualifies as both. Everyone today will be able to answer the question, "Where were you and what were you doing when Zilea won Blizzcon 2009?".

Unparalled : Putting The Victory In Context
Ancient history is replete with stories of military glory, such as Caesar's stunning victory before the walls of Alesia, King Leonidas's last stand at Thermopylae or even Scipio Africanus's defeat of Hannibal at Zama. All of these pale in comparison to the glory to which Zilea has earned through his indomitable skill at arms. I don't think it's going too far to say that modern history books will likely include comparisons between Zilea and Alexander, with Alexander the lesser of the two mighty colossi.

Surely, Roma, I hear my loyal readers (the best, brightest and generally most virile of all GR readers) say, you're laying it on a bit thick here. After all, Zilea wasn't risking his life or leading eight legions against a quarter of a million men like Caesar. And I admit that's true, but I also need to point out two differences that qualify him for eternal glory. First, he was risking his honor no different than any other storied battle lord. His actions were directly responsible for their success, or ignominy, on the field of battle.

Second, and this I think is equally vital to understanding the magnitude of this triumph, is that he conquered while playing the lowly paladin, a class that to date had enjoyed no arena tournament success... ever. There were great Roman generals before and after Caesar. There were other sprawling empires before and after Alexander conquered his own. What Zilea achieved had never been done in the annals of human history. Somewhere I know King Leonidas is stroking his magnificent beard and rehashing the tournament with his mighty 300. My guess is King Leonidas probably would like to ask Zilea for some tips on tactics as a fellow cleavist.

We So Wish Zilea Were Healing Us

Good Defeats Evil At Last
I also don't want to skip over the moral side of this victory. This was more than a simple border battle between feudal lords over some scraps of worthless land. This was the Great Crusade, a moral endeavor that shook the very foundations of both earth and heaven. For years the arena tournament scene has been in the clutches of that most diabolical of comps, the very definition of both iniquity and inequity: RMP. For once, just once, the Comp of Darkness has been brought low, cast into the infernal void with great weeping and gnashing of teeth among its numberless (skilled) adherents. It will probably never happen again (and judging by the look on Lord Kalgan's face when he handed out the award, count on massive paladin nerfs soon), but for now this great evil has been thrown down and destroyed.

How's Cleave Taste, *****es!

Zilea, Imperator
It was a tradition in the late Roman Republic for victorious legionaries to hail their conquering general by the title of Imperator on the bloody field of battle. It wasn't a title given out lightly, as it was shouted spontaneously by the survivors to honor their commander. And so it is here : henceforth on the posts of this blog Zilea, paladin hero and battlefield commander without equal, shall be given the honorific Imperator.

IMPERATOR! IMPERATOR! IMPERATOR!

Imperator Zilea, your diligence, your sacrifice, your glory and your honor are an example for us all. I'd like to think that it was your holy paladin spirit that enabled me to earn my shoulders and likely my new title of FURIOUS DUELIST ROMA VICTOR. I, along with the rest of the Free World, remain forever in your debt, content to bask in the light of your reflected glory.

Zilea. Victor.

The End of S6 and LolProtHoly

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 12:52:42 -0400

Yesterday WoW arena players were greeted with two rather large pronouncements by GCHitler:
1) Arena season 6 is due to end in two weeks on August 25; and
2) The paladin prot/holy spec is going to be given the recent lolret treatment.

Before I talk (and QQ) about #2, I just want to take a minute to reflect on how much fun I had in S6. For me, this was my most successful season ever and not coincidentally the most fun. It's too bad it's finally concluding but like all good things it must come to an eventual end. The only question I had since my last post was: was earning shoulders a fluke or am I really that skilled? Well, patch 3.2 hit live and suddenly my skill shot up to new heights. I want to state upfront this was 100% due to my diligent improvement at arena and not the sick buffs holyprot got in 3.2.

After earning my shoulders two weeks ago, we went 10-1 up to 2163 last week. Comps that used to give me serious challenges got wrecked without too much difficulty. With the removal of the 2's bracket (and lolret/lolholy/lolprotholy nerfs) this is likely my last chance to lord it over priest/rogue, mage/rogue and priest/mage, those filthy, filthy ******. So I definitely want to enjoy it while it lasts. I also remember when lolret comps (esp. lolret/rogue) were extremely dangerous. Now I can ignore the lolret as if he were a noncombat pet because, well, they essentially are noncombat pets now. And my decision this season to stick with holy looks positively prescient. Basically I have two weeks to see how high we can go. According to AJ I'm well within duelist range already - dare I aim for higher?

A potential FURIOUS DUELIST with his lolret noncombat pet.

The Rise and Fall of LolProtHoly
It's a measure of just how awful deep holy is for PVP that in S5 many pallies went holy/ret and then, after that was gutted, they chose prot/holy for S6. Deep holy, despite being godawful in 2's, received more nerfs in 3.2 while prot/holy got buffed. Ah, but you say, 2's doesn't matter anymore! And that's true, but then that begs the question: why nerf prot/holy since its primary dominance is also in 2's? The most obvious answer is that Kalgan's mage/rogue team that he plays with his girlfriend got rolled one too many times by a prot/holy paladin, leading to the following conversation:
Kalgan's GF : WTF!?! Hon, that healer pally didn't die inside of a counterspell like the rest! Nerf plox!
Kalgan : Yeah, that was total bs. Still, 2's won't matter next season so who cares.
Kalgan's GF (eyes narrowed) : Unless you no longer want to do 2's with me, in bed or arena, I suggest you think again.
Kalgan (frantic) : Hey, hey! No need to get nasty! Lemme call G-dawg.
*Kalgan picks up the phone*
Kalgan : What up, G-dawg! Remember when you said prot/holy was a creative use of game mechanics? Well, we, er, I decided you were wrong. Please give prot/holy the lolret treatment.
GCHitler (with great deference) : Your word is as law, milord. It shall be done. Shall I hotfix in the nerfs?
Kalgan (whispering furtively ): Nah, it's only for 2's. Just don't tell She Who Must Not Be Named.
GCHitler : I shall see to it personally, milord.

As for me, my favorite spec was and remains holy/ret, even after the nerfs. It was such a great balance between offense and defense - it felt like playing a priest, frankly. Prot/holy is similar, but I think it's closer to playing a druid in that you're not killable and you don't go out of mana under normal circumstances (in 2's). The prot buffs in 3.2 really put the spec over the top though. I dueled a variety of classes/specs and most couldn't get me below 90% health. A Naxx 25 geared rogue died with me at 90% and I never cast a heal. I dueled a furious shoulders geared lolret and just stood there and he never got through sacred shield/holy shield. For the first (and last) time I felt like I had solid defense as a non-druid, non-priest healer (no offense shaman).

Deep holy will be in big trouble again next patch, alas. Even in 2's you can tunnelvision blow up that healer faster than any other. A deep holy paladin in 2's is pretty much autowin for us (and everyone else) at this point. Even if he survives the damage output, he's mana burning himself every time he holy shocks or tries to holy light through MS. If unrelenting assault lands he goes down faster than paladin hero Zilea at ESL Germany. It's hard to imagine any serious 3v3 team including a deep holy pally at this point - Blizzcon on 3.1 will probably be the last chance, albeit slim, for a paladin to compete for a 3v3 title.

Now if you'll excuse me I've got to get back to facerolling rogue teams while I still can. In my next article I'd like to talk about the rise of PVP prot dps and how much fun it is to play (while it lasts).

P.S. @#$!! off, Chelsea, you wankers. Heh.

The Casual Hokage Achieves Eternal Glory

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 02:22:54 -0400

Dearest readers, my casual brethren, it's hard to type right now. For after six fruitless seasons I have at last basked in the glory that is my rightful due as the casual hokage. Of what do I speak in such breathless staccato? Let me spell it out for you:

S H O U L D E R S

Yes, you read that right, brothers.

HOLY F***ING SH**, ROMA GOT SHOULDERS.

Before I pass out drunk on both success and The Ketel One, let me explain how this unexpected wonder came to pass. It is a tale best told over a shamelessly ostentatious 1997 Caymus cabernet, but failing that let me pour you a glass of the K1 and listen in.

Failure Breeds Success
I spent the first hours of the evening rocking a macho 1-11 record in the 1300's on my horribly geared DK running a DK/Priest comp. I just couldn't put out any pressure with my heroic HoL axe and my priest would inevitably go oom and die. Needless to say this was frustrating to both of us in the extreme, being the semipro casual PVPers that we are. We had gone mountain biking earlier in the day, but that physical prowess just hadn't translated into arena success. It was a low moment as we both sat on our decks, smoking cigars, playing WoW over WiFi and musing over our lack of success. Arena is a cruel mistress.

Inspiration Comes From Within
It's times like this you have to look within and evaluate what is wrong. Is it me? Am I really a bad player? Has Lord Kalgan (May His Glory Endure Forever) really abandoned me? Can I tunnelvision better? Then the words of my 17 year old guildmaster Valefor came to me: "Roma, you need the burning feral spirit of desire if you want to achieve success in WoW." I took his words to heart and set aside the K1 and poured a fresh pitcher of Sam Adams Boston lager. It was time to let youthful vigor replace aging wisdom.

Go With What You Know
A rock star warrior and fan of my blog, Starsoo-Arygos (on Nightfail, the greatest battlegroup in the history of e-sports), had taken pity on a pally in the gutter and offered to do 2's with me. After six seasons of arena I still had no steady partner (a casual lament if there ever was one). Our previous weeks had been hectic, with neither of us having any real time to play and our record see-sawing in the 1900's. But tonight was different. I finally had all the pieces I needed to succeed:
- a disgustingly well geared MS class
- I was drunk enough to play aggressive but not so drunk that I'm falling asleep
- Our MMR > TR
- Free time from midnight to 1:00 a.m.

With all those factors in my favor success was both inevitable and assured. Every comp that gave me so many problems fell before us like wheat before the scythe. Dru/DK? Pounded. Dru/War? Druid died in first 30 secs. Shm/War? Farmed 3 games. Mage/Rogue, my nemesis? Raped. Lock/rogue? WELCOME TO DETROIT. 12-2 record in the 2100's MMR with our only 2 losses due to server lagouts (only for Arygos of course). The vodka burned in my veins along with my fierce spirit of wanton desire. I WILL NO LONGER BE DENIED!

You May Kiss The Ring, Peasants
I just want my longtime readers and friends to know that success like this won't change me. I'm still just a casual guy, struggling to win Warsong Gulch and do my dailies. It's exciting but ultimately it's not a big deal. I mean, I know I'm so much better than you now, but it's not like I want to rub it in. I won't like, you know, showboat in Dalaran or stone cold flex like the e-thug that I am in your WSG. I mean, let's be honest, I'm incredibly talented compared to you e-trash, but seriously, it won't go to my head. I totally earned this all on my own. Starsoo, warrior god that he is, was just the final catalyst. I'm sure I could have done this just as easily with a feral druid or shadow priest. No question - I am THAT good. It just took awhile to prove it. Keep your chin up, casual champs, you too can achieve success if you work hard (and have a current season weapon)!

Back By Popular Request
When I finally broke 1700 in S4 and got my helm, I dedicated the following video to my warrior partner Spikez. It seems apropos to sign off with a similar dedication to my man Starsoo, who truly is the Warrior Beneath My Wings:

For The Haters : Suck It. Jealous much?

P.S. This puts me in the top 7%ish of WoW arena players. @@#$!!! hilarious, somewhere my hero Faction is killing kittens.

GCHitler To Casuals : Nein

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 08:23:35 -0400

It appears that GCHitler may have gotten a strongly worded letter from the freshman intern that is running Blizzard's Sales, Marketing and Finance departments. GCHitler, while not rescinding the elimination of the 2v2 arena bracket, has decided to throw the casuals he despises so much a bone: they can still earn current season gear, just not weapons and shoulders. Oh, and they can't get titles. GCHitler sent his lackey, Joseph "Bornakk" Goebbels to make the recent announcement:

Why 2's Is So Unpopular
Despite GCHitler's unrelenting hatred for the casual playerbase, it's worth reminding him how bad of a decision this is. He really should listen to Brad the SCSU intern when it comes to marketing decisions:

US-Nightfall
Bracket	~Active Teams
2v2	14031
3v3	5278
5v5	986

The numbers above are for Nightfail participation at the end of Season 5. It's difficult to imagine a stupider marketing decision, but then again this is Blizzard we're talking about. Fortunately we can all relax and concentrate on 3v3, that most balanced of brackets:

I wonder if 3's is dominated by FOTM comps? Nah!

Nothing To See Here - Suck It, Hunters!

Finally, Some Balanced PVP
The bottom line is that PVP in WoW was not, is not and will never be balanced due to the complexities of so many variables between classes. But that shouldn't be a license for laziness and not even trying. Ultimately a smart businessman seeks to serve as many customers as possible, not drive them away or attempt casualcide in GCHitler's many murderous fantasies.

So where do you stand? Are you excited that finally you'll be forced to run RMP/Cleave in 3's or some random 4 (5?) dps zerg team in 5's to compete? Do you believe GCHitler that they can't balance 2's?

Questions Demand Answers.

P.S. Happy Independence Day!

5v5 Tactics From a Top 200 Pro

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 19:40:10 -0400

It's no secret that the more players you add to any PVP encounter, the more skillful it becomes. That's why the 40 v 40 Alliance Valley will always be the paragon of PVP skill in WoW as opposed to the laughably imbalanced 2 v Druid and RMCleave brackets. Nevertheless, there is a sweet spot where top notch skill coincides with a reasonably large number of players and that is none other than the most popular arena bracket, 5 v 5. As a bona fide Top 200 5's player on Nightfail (globally recognized as top tier next to Cyclone-EU and Stormstrike-US) I thought it my duty to help my fellow casual PVPers attain success in the most demanding -- and skilled -- of arena brackets. Please, listen... and learn.

You Can't Argue With Success

Preparation Is Key
Everyone always asks: Roma, how do you prepare for those intense arena sessions? Well, for 5's I vary things a bit. See, for 2's I make sure I have a full bottle of the Ketel One chilling in a crystal bucket on ice next to me for ready access. This week we had a 30 minute game in 2's as prolly/war vs. prolly/hunter and let me tell you, you gotta have the K1 handy for that kind of interactive boredom. It's not uncommon for me to play 2's with a cigar in hand on my deck, enjoying the warm summer air and a fine Partagas while skillfully spamming flash heal against druid/warrior for 20+ minutes.

5's, however, is different. You can get your weekly ten games completed in 15 minutes tops, and ten minutes of that is the one minute arena preparation time. A one minute 5's game is an eternity. Some friends claimed a 5's game once lasted 90 secs, but frankly I think they were drunk or exaggerating. See, using WotLK math 2 dps > 1 heals, and 4 dps --> hilarity. Bottom line, if you have a 40 oz. of Miller Genuine Draft in a brown paper sack, you're more than covered for a hardcore 5's session. Don't even think about a smoke break, you'll miss your entire session if you step outside for a single toke. Now, onto the tactics that get you the rating of a VENGEFUL DUELIST like me.

Team Composition : Choose Skill Over Power
Unlike 2's (druid + X) or 3's (RMCleave), 5's is much more flexible in its composition. Below are the classes that you want to stack in order to achieve a balanced harmony:

1- MS class (any, really doesn't matter)
2- DK (death grip is key to detona- er, outskill the closest enemy)
3- As many destro locks, frost mages and ele shaman as possible.
4- 1-2 random healers (class irrelevant, I suggest trade channel in Dalaran)

Unfortunately for us, we had to go with a lineup of two warriors and only one elemental shaman (ie, Gimpsville). So we were already playing at a disadvantage because of our really low burst. Fortunately players at our skill level can overcome handicaps and still put forth the kind of clutch plays that achieve the Top 200 glory that is our rightful due.

Cooldowns : Blow Them Like Monica
First off, cooldowns are not meant to be saved for some special occasion or rainy day. We're not talking a 1997 Caymus cabernet sauvignon, we're talking spam-worthy cooldowns like wings, divine shield, ice block, etc... I know every class is different, but here's a macro I found really helpful for my healing in 5's. You should use this in the first 5-10 seconds of each match, if not sooner. Hopefully you find it as useful as I do:

#show Avenging Wrath
/use 13 (Trinket)
/castsequence Avenging Wrath, Hand of Sacrifice, Divine Sacrifice, Hand of Salvation, Hand of Protection

Target the person on your team that just got death gripped and spam that as fast as you can. Don't worry, if the match lasts an eternity (i.e. more than 30 seconds) you can always pop bubble and top yourself off if you're still alive. Your dps should be using similar macros. The whole point is to use an entire raid's worth of cooldowns in 3-6 seconds tops to ensure that your skill is greater than your opponents. Ideally you have gear like Bandit's Inskillnia, Darkmoon Card : Skill, Hand Pyroskill Gloves, etc...to increase the amount of planned RNG. The last thing you want are cooldowns on the GCD!

Dealing With The Haters
I know this post will be controversial. I constantly hear "oh Roma, 5's is just a lolzergfest where you blow up randoms with no coordination". Nothing could be further from the truth! The best thing about 5's is that you always have a 50/50 chance of winning, because you will always -- ALWAYS -- be facing a team that is +/- 500 MMR away from you. So it's an autowin or an autoloss as soon as the gates open. As someone who likes having his destiny in his own hands, I like those odds! Besides, it's not like we're queue dodging the other 1-2 teams in the battlegroup that are queueing at prime time on a weekend. We're here to play, baby! Remember: Don't Hate, Participate.

A Top 200 Arena Pro

The Fruits Of My Labor
Despite my struggles in the skilless 2's and 3's brackets, I can take comfort that in the most skillful of all PVP brackets I reign (near) supreme. And for that I now qualify for furious bracers. If you're nice I may even let you rub them in Dalaran (maybe).

With Love From A 1420 Rated Top 200 Nightfail 5's Team,
VENGEFUL DUELIST ROMA VICTOR, Esq.

Vault = Tournament Arena?

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 19:22:30 -0400

Long time readers are well aware of my disdain of Player vs. Script (PVE). Unfortunately, GCHitler in his infinite wisdom saw fit to offer rated PVP set pieces in a PVE encounter, namely the Vault of Tears (Archavon). You have to ask yourself as a newly dinged 80 in greens what's easier: hitting 1800 or /roll 1 100? These are tough questions that demand answers. Unfortunately though I am a VENGEFUL DUELIST with pro bona fides I too find myself in this pit of competitive sorrow trying to save myself the arena/honor grind. And so our story begins...

Vault Is Hard, But PUG Raid Leaders Are Harder
It was a cold, rainy night here in the Glorious People's Republic of Canadian West Michigan. I'm confident that the rampant thunderstorms across the American Midwest took down many routers of Alliance toons thus giving the Horde a mere a 1:4 odds in Wintergrasp. Unsurprisingly when faced with such paltry odds the Horde managed to capture Winterfail on Nightfail for the first time in nearly a week. And there was much rejoicing.

Give Us The Lootz
Now this was not an opportunity to be squandered. A chance at tough, cutting edge PVE (PVP?) content like Vault must not be wasted. So a shemale stepped forth: Maftir of Arygos. Under her unrelenting fascist leadership we too could enjoy the fruits of our hardearned good fortune. We few, we happy PUG few, joined her PUG on the promise of glory and loot (mostly loot). But then the rules were laid down:

Maftir: I AM IN CHARGE.
Maftir: I DECIDE WHO GETS LOOT AND WHO DOESN'T.
Maftir: IF YOU DIE ON EMALON = NO LOOT.
Maftir: IF YOU'RE A HEALER AND YOUR TANK DIES = NO LOOT.
Maftir: IF I DON'T LIKE YOUR GEAR = NO LOOT.
Maftir: IF YOU ARE JEWISH, MINORITY OR IRISH = NO LOOT.
Maftir: IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH AND I'M PISSED.
Maftir: IF YOU BEAT ME IN ARENA (AND THERE'S LOTS OF YOU BADS) = NO LOOT.

I listened and thought the rules were tough, but fair. Suck it, Irish!

Emalon = Pinnacle of PVP
So we start pulling the trash mobs before Emalon. Apparentely Vizier Mafir, May Her Holy Name Be Praised, thought that several dps were a little low heading into the incredibly difficult, never before defeated Emalon encounter. So she booted a handful of dps. Again, I thought this was reasonable because of how hard of a PVP encounter Emalon is. I mean, get real, we're talking @#$!! Emalon and S6 gear. This isn't something easy like Yogg-Saron, this is @#$!! Emalon. So it's understandable.

Maftir's healiing assignments were exemplary:
Maftir: Ret pally + Roma, heal MT on Emalon.
Maftir: Druid + Priest, heal OT on adds.
Maftir: Shaman: GFY, chain heal something you worthless POS.

It's that kind of tactical leadership that wins encounters so I felt we were in good hands.

We start the fight and it's tough. There were times the tank dropped to 80% health. Worse, my mana almost hit 75% as 32/0/39 spec. I'm not ganna lie: I was worried. Nevertheless, the ret pally healing the MT died by standing in his AE (I heal at max range) so I had to step up. In a feat of incredible bravery I managed to keep the MT alive on my own and we won the encounter. I have to be honest, it was the toughest 3:34 minutes of my life. I couldn't hit my flash heal or holy shock keybinds fast enough. The tank at times dropped to 50% health: you therefore can understand my angst at the difficulty of this encounter. Fortunately now we get to loot all those rated PVP pieces (w/o earning the rating of course).

To The (Roma) Victor Go The Spoils
Unfortunately for me, no holy gear dropped off of the hardest boss in WOTLK, Emalon. However, the T8.5 Ret gloves dropped. Like the pro I am, I outroll the other 6 pallies in the raid and win the gloves. But Wait!

Sultan Maftir, May Her Celibate Name Be Worshipped, decided that the lolret was more deserving because he died healing on Emalon. Being the (once and future) attorney that I am, I humbly pointed out that Her Most Menstrual Holiness said that those who died on Emalon got no loot.

Maftir: I didn't like your numbers on the healing meters.
VENGEFUL DUELIST ROMA VICTOR: True, I only solo healed the MT on Emalon 25.
Maftir: I AM A GOD.
VENGEFUL DUELIST ROMA VICTOR: I bow to your wisdom, milady.

All's Well That Ends Well
Shortly afterwards Lady Maftir, May Her Glorious Name Endure For 1000 Years, decreed that soon "we" shall do 10 man Emalon. Nevertheless I opted for a separate group and wound up winning my Deadly chest, saving me 50k+ honor through my puissant skill at arms. So in the end, everyone wins. And I survived this week's most difficult arena challenge: tolerating Vault of PVP.

Champion of PVE or PVP? You Decide.

I. Am. A. PV[E|P] God.

Heh.

Casual Arena Removed, GC = Hitler, Etc...

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 09:04:21 -0400

As the casual hokage, sometimes my powers of clairvoyance are beyond prescient as yesterday's post proved. Ghostcrawler has earned at a stroke the dubious honor of Worst MMO Game Designer In Human Recorded History. By removing 2v2 arena -- the most casual and thus popular bracket -- he has essentially killed arena viability for the rest of the brackets as well, even if he doesn't realize it yet. It's clear to me that Blizzard does not have a sales and marketing department because no way in hell a lowlife IT assclown would be allowed to do something this financially stupid. Let me elaborate:

Apple IT designer: Steve-O, we've decided to cancel the iPhone. It's proven too popular and we don't know how to meet demand.
Steve Jobs: Huh?
Apple IT designer: We think consumers will vastly prefer this larger, more cumbersome iWalkieTalkie instead.
Steve Jobs: ... Why?
Apple IT designer: It's more tedious to use, and thus more challenging and fun!
*Steve Jobs picks up phone*
Steve Jobs: Security? Great, please escort Joe Assclown from the building and make sure he's thoroughly beaten before being tossed out onto the 101 during rush hour. Thanks.

Apparently Ghostcrawler believes that removal of the most popular option automatically means that players -- who apparently are bereft of free will -- will naturally gravitate to the much less popular brackets. It's as if this is his logic:

Option 1 - Have fun playing football.
Option 2 - Be anally raped by skinhead prison inmates.
Option 3 - Be tortured and beheaded by terrorists.

Removing Option 1 does not mean people are going to voluntarily flock to Options 2 and 3! I know this is hard to understand (you're the guy who thinks cleave is a problem for 2v2 after all), but it's logic, so trust me on this as a soon to be attorney.

It Takes Gear To Get Gear
Perhaps the silliest part of this decision is how there is STILL no means of weapon progression for someone starting arena. I have two L80 DK's that are now retired because I cannot put out any pressure with a laughably bad 186 dps weapon. There's nothing "funnier" than a priest spamming mana burn at your partner while you have full runes, full runic power and garg up and they don't even bother to heal until after strang. So hilarious. For those of you casuals on PVP servers, have fun doing dailies fighting people with 250+ dps S7 weapons.

GC, under your incompetence you shed 65% of your arena playerbase just in S5. If you want to retain a shred of the casual PVP infrastructure that props up the rest of arena, I HIGHLY suggest you make all furious gear (including all weapons) available without rating in S7. Also put all deadly gear (including weapons) on a vendor so there is a viable start to PVP progression. Otherwise look for 2v2 to become even less popular than the I Am Legend bracket that is 5v5.

Casuals : What You Have To Look Forward To
A video is worth a million words. Here's the only two kinds of teams you'll face in the RMCleave bracket:

A DK Gets WOTLK'd While LolPally Is Blanket Silenced

Looks fun, eh? Don't forget, the victim (DK) and his healer (deep holy pally) are eating massive nerfs in 3.2. The pro facerollers (I think their characters were SomeRogue and AnyMage) are getting no nerfs whatsoever. Are you feelin' it? Cuz it's ganna be soooooooooooo much fun!

Nein, Juden, Nein!
Yes, I think GC is basically Hitler. He hates casuals worse than Hitler hated the Jews. I don't think there's any dispute. Anyone who disagrees with me is obviously a Nazi as well. Yeah, I said it.

Ghostcrawler posing with the PVP design staff (photo courtesy Fettisch.de).

I wanted to talk about the return of lolret, lolDK and how insanely fun the ret/holy spec is going to be, but I'll wait. I have to finish this last bottle of Ketel One before Hit-, er, GC's forum Gestapo shut me down. Our last hope, my dear casual brethren, is that we raise enough of an outcry that the Blizzard financial department (perhaps the only dept. still functioning) takes notice and decides to step in and restore sanity.

Vive Le Casual Resistance, mon amis!

Kalgan vs. Ghostcrawler - the Balancing Act

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 13:42:26 -0400

With nearly two full arena seasons under his ample belt, it's time to compare Ghostcrawler's performance as lead PVP balance designer with that of his illustrious predecessor, the inimitable demigod Lord Kalgan, May His Light Endure Forever. Loyal readers know that my love/hate/worship/venerate/idolize relationship with Lord Kalgan stretches all the way back to S2. It seems like a lifetime ago that my holy pally was nerfed into the dirt for Kalgan's new love interest, a resto druid, a torrid, indecent affair that would continue for the rest of the Burning Crusade. Have I forgotten the days of lolret? No. Have I forgiven? Yes. But enough of that, let's compare the performance of these two e-titans of arena PVP balance.

Design Philosophy : Nepotism vs. Abject Ignorance
Kalgan's design philosophy was straightforward and I talked about it in previous articles at length. To summarize, it was merely nepotism that boiled down into a class power structure ranked thus:
1- The class Kalgan plays (warrior)
2- The class Kalgan's girlfriend plays (rogue)
3- The class that best supports Lord Kalgan and his girlfriend (resto druid)
4- Everyone else.
5- ????
6- Profit.
...
28- Hybrids and offspecs (lolret).

This wasn't a fair system, but it's one with which politicians and corporate businessmen are well familiar. There was certainly some precedent for it and it's hard to break Lord Kalgan's balls just for wanting to keep his lady happy. Most importantly though, you knew what to expect. If you decided to level up that lolret pally, it wasn't like you didn't know the utter fail that was in store.

By comparison, Ghostcrawler's design philosophy appears to be, putting it kindly, more nebulous. There is a constant Rise And Fall of the Class Empires always underway. Resto druids went from trash in season 5 to a return to their immortal status in season 6. Under Lord Kalgan there would have been no uncertainty: resto druids, were, are and always shall be gods. From the wild swings of balance, it's hard to discern any kind of rational, purposeful plan in terms of balance, hence the appearance of abject ignorance.

Advantage: Lord Kalgan

PVP Knowledge : Cleave Is Seriously A Big Problem In 2's
Now I'm not going to lie, Lord Kalgan the Wise made some pretty foolish statements back in S2 and S3 which I dutifully dissected and excoriated on this blog. But one thing you had to respect about Lord Kalgan was that he actually played arena. Everyone knew his warrior Megataur, his frost mage and his girlfriend's rogue. It wasn't that he didn't know that lolmacestun was OP, he simply intended it to remain so for his personal benefit. I can live with that.

On the other hand, Ghostcrawler has been been less than exemplary. First he posits that cleave is a problem in 2's. Then he inserts another foot into his mouth with his statement that "burst is not a problem" while daily people are posting hilarious videos of getting globaled.

A shaman gets WOTLK'd in 1.7 seconds.

Probably the most embarassing was the globaling of the paladin and DK of eMg during the recent RMP Columbus tournament. Speaking of RMP, Ghostcrawler recently acknowledged that its representation was higher than they wanted but basically they didn't know what to do about it. Really? I have to say based on these humorous statements I think that Lord Kalgan has a lot more actual - not theoretical - arena experience.

Advantage: Lord Kalgan

Responsiveness : Nerf Now Or Later
Lord Kalgan, May His Divine Light Illumine Us A Thousand Years, was a master at nepotistic balance but nevertheless he was slow at it. Sure, paladins and shaman may have needed help healing in 2's starting in season 2 but he figured the xpac could deal with it. No rush. And if something was absurdly, brokenly OP he always figured that it would be not a big deal so long as it didn't affect his classes negatively. No problem.

Ghostcrawler by comparision has been very responsive at times. Although pallies, DK's and hunters went an entire season basking in the light of their glorious power (and skill), arcane mages/mut rogues ate rapid nerfs near the start of S5 and rogue/priest didn't even last a week in S6. Every patch lately has brought more nerfs in quick time fashion in a valiant attempt to achieve some sort of [im]balance. I don't personally think the results are any different but I applaud the effort.

Advantage: Ghostcrawler

The Maps : Nagrand vs. Ring of Mana Burn
Everyone had their favorite maps in S1-S4. I still am not a huge fan of blade's edge as a pally, but I enjoy the other original two. However, I absolutely detest Ring of Mana Burn, aka Ring of Cleave and Ring of Aimed Shot. Dalaran sewers is also pretty irritating. Lots of LOS yes, but I feel like a catamite grocery boy every time I gotta go hump a pile of boxes. Not a tough decision here.

Advantage: Lord Kalgan

Conclusion : I Eagerly Yearn For Lord Kalgan's Triumphant Return
In the end despite all his flaws and complete selfish corruption, I prefer Lord Kalgan's style to that of GC's. The good news is that Lord Kalgan is using his incredible knowledge of PVP balance to work on Blizzard's forthcoming MMO which will be eagerly anticipated. I, for one, intend to roll whatever class Lord Kalgan has chosen... but I could be persuaded to roll that of his girlfriend too (maybe).

In the short run, a brief message to GC: I like your work ethic, I like your attempts at balance, but ideally you should play arena for a bit and get a feel for how it actually works (getting WOTLK'd a few times won't hurt either). I'm confident if you actually play arena you'll be much better at balancing it.

Kind regards,
VENGEFUL DUELIST ROMA VICTOR

iPhone 3GS Announced, We Got Europe'd (Again) + iPorn

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 16:37:31 -0400

After 7 hours of travel I arrived back in my spiritual home of California just in time to attend the keynote of this year's Apple WorldWide Developers Conference (WWDC). I could hardly get myself out of bed this morning after crying myself to sleep over pally hero Payce losing to RMCleave in the MLG Finals, but somehow with the help of copious amounts of Ketel One and hours of weeping I finally felt better. But enough of that, I just got back from the keynote and hopefully beat Slapnuts to the post this time.

iPhone 3GS (Speed) Announced
As you've prolly read all over the Net, Apple announced in atypically low key fashion their newest iPhone, the iPhone 3GS. It's due out June 19 (iPhone OS 3.0 is due out June 17) at the following price points:
iPhone 3GS 32 GB: $299
iPhone 3GS 16 GB: $199
iPhone 3G 8 GB: $99 (they're keeping this model as a starter)

Both the hardware and new 3.0 OS had tons of new features that I'll let you read about elsewhere. I'm very excited over all the new features, but...

The U.S. Again Gets Europe'd (and Asia'd)
So Apple announces two features we've been dying for here for the last year: MMS and tethering (using your iPhone as a wifi access point). The crowd applauds wildly. The speaker then mumbles that they're not yet supported on AT&T. The crowd jeers loudly. Apparently MMS - not exactly cutting edge technology - won't be available in the U.S. on AT&T until late summer. No date was given on tethering, the single feature I wanted most. They also highlighted the blazing 7.2 MBps speeds the new 3G networks can get on the phone - well, if you're not in the U.S. of course.

So basically once again, despite the fact that we can invent the world's greatest technology here we somehow are unable to implement it ourselves. W.T.F. Speaking of getting Asian'd, are people seriously afraid of swine flu among a bunch of nerds:

There Be Swine Flu Here?

All That's Left Unsaid
With all the rumors flying around, nevertheless there were a lot of conspicuous absences from the keynote:
- no news on the release of the iPhone in China (sorry, Ming). Apparently it's okay for the Chinese to build it, just not use it. One of the demos even showed Chinese language support. Erm, yeah...
- no news on the rumored deal with Verizon in the U.S. (oh please, please let this happen).
- Steve Jobs was a no show (he was rumored to put in an appearance)

iPorn?
I suppose it should surprise no one that the lucrative porn market has also jumped into the iPhone scene. These scantily clad tramps spent the entire hour+ we stood in line for the keynote winding up all the pale virgins who dutifully took photo after photo. Naturally this photo was strictly for educational purposes only and not for sheer prurience. After all, I am an e-journalist of the highest integrity.

iPorn for your iPhone

Making Me Feel At Home
As usual, downtown San Francisco is my home away from home. Last year a gigantic picture of Beckham graced my walk to the conference center and this year there's another one of Cristiano Ronaldo. Clearly they know how to market to a man of my taste and sophistication.

RONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALDOOOOOOOOOOO!

If you have any specific questions about the new iPhone or the OS I'd be happy to answer them. Now I just gotta convince work that I need a new phone immediately (for testing purposes of course!).

The Casual Hokage Teaches 3v3 Arena

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Fri, 29 May 2009 11:48:32 -0400

It's always been a matter of philanthropic pride to "give something back" when one has achieved success in this rough and tumble world. This altruism is no less applicable in the cutthroat e-world of WoW arena. Thus having made my bones on my Horde pally, I decided to help out the real life friends who let me raid 10 mans with them 1 night/week on my Alliance DK. They taught me the delicate intricacies of Naxx 10 and I, in turn, would instruct them in the unforgiving bloodsport of S6 arena. Alas as the casual hokage I do not possess a "sage mode" like the real hokage. Fortunately I possess a "wikipedia mode" instead: it's occasionally accurate but always entertaining.

Choosing A 3v3 Comp : Cleave Or Cleave On A Stick (RMP)
As I said, I play a DK. My other friends play a priest (Vendez) and a frost mage/pally. The obvious comp choice would be RMP if I had an Alli rogue, but no dice. After carefully weighing the options for several seconds, I decided we should run DK/Ret/Priest as a skillful cleave comp. The downside of course is that we're all in PVE gear and the pally raids as holy and has 0 ret gear. My pally friend also hadn't played ret since leveling 1-60 at launch, so I knew there'd be a long, steep learning curve. Nevertheless, the pally's enthusiasm was limitless so he promptly spent 400+ valor badges and bought a full set of ret gear.

Gearing Up
Although he is the guild leader of a 25 man progression guild, the pally had never bothered to pick up ret gear so like me his weapon/gear was limited to 10 man PVE gear. His first question was "how much resilience do I need?" I stroked my beard thoughtfully before answering solemnly, "Resilience is a stat, like spirit, that only applies to non-plate classes with a mana bar. If it's on your gear, great, but otherwise never, ever stack it. You want as much strength and crit as humanly possible. Pretend you're trying to take down Yogg-Saron solo." He seemed puzzled by my response so I decided to briefly elaborate. "Our success is 100% dependent upon how long Vendez stays alive. No one will be attacking us so he's the only one that needs to worry about survivability."

Nice PVP Gear, Brah

Explaining The Basics
Needless to say, keybinds, focus macros and PVP UI mods are not part of a PVE raider's standard repertoire. Fortunately I offspec ret on my Horde pally so it wasn't hard to layout the basic keys:
1- Crusader Strike
2- Divine Storm
3- Judgement Of Justice
4- Wings
5- Hammer Time

The basic technique, I patiently explained, is to slam down 1, 2 and 3 whenever one of them lights up. I prefer to open with Judgement, but that's simply a matter of personal preference. I encouraged him to experiment and decide for himself. After all, the combinations are endless. I also gave him the most important macro necessary:

/cast [target=Vendez] Hand of Protection

As I elaborated, "You will be casting that in the first 10 seconds of every fight so that Vendez will get to play his priest for at least 10 seconds."

Laying Out The Strats
Finally a chance to lay out the detailed tactics that make cleave the delicate but dynamic powerhouse that it is. I was worried about getting bogged down in the minutiae of overlapping CC, fast target swaps and the give and take of switching between offense and defense. Instead I decided to sum up the strategy thusly:
JUST TRUCK DOWN THE ROGUE.

Well, it's a little more complicated than that I said, because not every team has a rogue (but most will at our ratings). So I created simple checklists to ensure that everyone was on the same page:

Ret Pally Checklist:
1- Mount up and follow Romavictor (DK).
2- Assist Romavictor on kill target.
3- If no mage present, pop wings (Romavictor will call this on vent by yelling "BRING ON THE PAIN TRAIN CHOO CHOO").
4- BoP Vendez ("BOP VEN OH **** BOP BOP BOP BOP" is the signal on vent).
5- Hammer stun the kill target.
6- Slam down 1, 2 and 3 until kill target dies.
7- Repeat 2-6 as appropriate.

Priest Checklist:
1- Hide when gates open.
2- Keep PWS, ProM, Renew up at all times on you.
3- Spam heal while under BoP.
4- Delay death as long as possible.
5- Death (this is unavoidable because you will be fighting nothing but other cleaves).

I complicated the strats a bit because I pointed out that an enemy rogue, the primary kill target, won't be visible at the start of the match. Thus we will have to call out and swap to the rogue as soon as he opens on Vendez. When you see the rogue, I explained, "Drop everything and ride him dirty until he dies. Let nothing distract you from your primary objective : freight training the rogue until he is a smear on the train tracks." You see, I elucidated, "We're in a race against time. Vendez has to live longer than the rogue or we lose. So you can see why when I yell 'TRUCK DOWN THE DAMN ROGUE' I mean business."

Experience Is The Best Teacher
Over the last few weeks our cleave team has matured considerably. We managed to break 1100 last night and even defeated an RMP comp once with some hilariously massive crits on their rogue. We are gaining confidence in our skill and our teamwork has never been better. I'd like to think that my expert tutelage had something to do with it, but I don't want to get too cocky. I knew great progress had been made when the pally, after a win where a hunter exploded in 3 globals, burst excitedly on vent with "Did you see me repentance that shaman while we slaughtered his hunter? I stunned the shaman right afterwards. Bwahahahahaha!" Yes, I thought, Obi-Roma has taught you well.

You Can't Argue With Results Like This (Stack More Res, Ven)

Explaining Resto Druids
Most of our losses tended to be against non-rogue, resto druid teams, which was confusing to the young padawans. I decided to break it down why we never swapped to the resto druid unless he was in caster form.

Me: Do you remember the Kel'Thuzad fight in Naxx?
Ret: Yeah?
Me: Now imagine if KT could turn into a tree. Could you kill him with 2 dps?
Ret: Uh, no, not a chance. But can't he run out of mana like Vendez?
Me (chuckling): No, his mana bar is for decorative purposes only.
Vendez: Wouldn't you be much better off replacing me with a druid?
Me: Yes, no offense.
Vendez: None taken.
Ret: But isn't that imbalanced?
Me: I can teach you nothing further. You now have the full understanding of this glorious endeavor we love so much.

Thus endeth the lesson.

A Furious Taste Of Glory

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Mon, 25 May 2009 19:09:00 -0400

They said it couldn't be done. They said the comp was weak. They said I no longer had the time, the skill, nay not even the iron will required by this most demanding of e-sports. After S5 they nerfed my class for good measure, reducing my skill even further. They left my partner for dead, playing the absolute worst possible 2's dps class (well, other than warlocks, hunters, shaman, druids, priests and mages). They even made me raise my MMR from 1300 so that I had to earn my wins early and painfully. But did I give up? No. Not now, not ever. I calmly reached deep down into my beige chakra and channeled my casual jutsus with a serenity few possess and even fewer master.

1850+ Is Where Furious Glory Begins

And I succeeded. I, a mere casual paladin, tasted the eternal glory of earning an 1850 Furious weapon in the bloodsoaked sands of the S6 arena. Our record couldn't sustain the blistering pace we set at 19-1, but that is to be expected when you pair the third best healer with the mere fourth best dps. Despite our incredible skill, perfection is simply not possible in a game of comps and countercomps. So you take what you can get, you learn from your mistakes, you pick yourself back up, dust yourself off and then proceed to truck down the next hapless warlock or shaman team you fight. That, my dear friends, is what true skill is all about: the skill of a Furious champion.

Got Furious?

Achieving Glory
I'll tell you, the last 50 rating is always the hardest. We bounced around 1830 all week and never got closer than 1840. I'm not going to lie, it's discouraging to constantly fight skilled druid/war, druid/ret and druid/DK teams. Please don't make me recount the horrors of facing priest teams on RoV - the less said the better. But then Lord Kalgan Himself smiled upon us: we managed to beat some double dps teams late at night and were just shy of 1850. Neither of us said anything on vent so as not to jinx it. We queue, the gates open and...

Duresha: Lock team. We got this.
Me: Woooooooooooot - warlock lulz.

Three intense minutes followed where the two of us repeatedly got feared, dotted, death coiled, etc... but our will, my infinite mana and Duresha's stunlocks held firm. When the time was right I laid out the strategy that had carried us so far, the kind of split second decision making that wins matches on the spot.

Me: Hey, can you swap to the pet?
Duresha: Sure thing.
** Two globals later **
Duresha: Pet's down. Oh wait, he just fel dommed it back up.
Me (Sweating profusely): Hang in there, dammit! Let's try it again.
** Two globals later **
Duresha: PET'S DOWN! WE GOT THIS!
Me: Damn, did they ever get outplayed. That was all you, brah.

Thus did we enter the annals of arena history on the wings of such skill that the bards shall never cease to sing about it.

Good Things Never Last Forever
Alas, I am now in my sixth season where I will not end the season running the same comp with the same partner as I started. My ultraskilled rogue partner Duresha has decided to return to the violent killing fields of glorious Mal'Ganis while I am left abandoned on my original Nightfail server, Arygos. Nevertheless it was a good run and I wish him the very best. I started season 6 with 1200 spell power and I now have just shy of 2250 and my skill has never been higher.

A Furious Casual E-Flexing

What Does The Future Hold?
My comp starting this week is hpally/feral. Another underdog spec that will force me to rise to the very limits of my Furious power. Are we strong enough? Can we truly test the limits of casual success in "burst is not a problem" season 6? I eagerly await the answer. I will no longer have Kalgan's girlfriend's class to bring out the best of my beige chakra. No, this time I must rely upon the weakest of all classes: a druid. May Lord Kalgan have mercy upon my soul.

Memorial Day : The Real Heroes
While WoW arena veterans have a special place in my e-heart, today in America we celebrate our fallen war heroes who sacrificed everything for the freedoms we still enjoy. My tiny Dutch hometown as usual held a huge parade with flags, church bells, etc... on a typical gorgeous spring day. The parade always begins with our surviving veterans marching, backs bowed with age but spirits unbroken. The roar of applause signals their approach as the current generations thank our past defenders. It's a solemn time, but a joyous one nonetheless. To our American veterans and those who fought at our side against evil and tyranny I have but one thing to say:

Thank You.

1512 : An S6 Casual Odyssey

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Wed, 06 May 2009 01:33:53 -0400

1512. For a few moments I just stared at the screen in disbelief, not comprehending anything. I was mentally exhausted from the ordeal. The glass of Ketel One sat empty in my slack hand.

Grinding back to 1500 Is Hell On Earth

Back To The Future
"We got it bro, I gotta jet." My West Coast footballer partner's voice crackled over vent, boredom mingled with faint irritation. Breaking 1500 rating in the balanced arena glory that is season 6 is an achievement I will never forget. But it didn't come easy. It took 75 games of gutwrenching, soulrending pain that seared my psyche permanently. This wasn't a cakewalk, this was a death march.

After shelving my worthless lolret with the launch of WotLK, I switched to DK for all but the last two weeks of season 5. As the season progressed and I lacked access to PVE gear (esp. a weapon) I realized that the future was bleak indeed for the casual hokage. In full hateful gear I could barely do enough damage to get a healer to hard cast, and holy pallies would just laugh at me as they danced around with infinite mana. I became intrigued - could holy pallies really be a viable class again? And so I dusted off my pally and leveled it to 80.

The Rise And Fall Of Pally/DK Skill
Fortunately for me, my DK partner at the time had just lost his healer so I was able to step in. With a macho 16k hps and 1150 spell power I got carried by a 2200 rated Betrayer/PVE geared DK up to 1800 in the last two weeks of the season - a rating I hadn't played as holy since season 2. It was glorious. But then it all fell apart with the advent of season 6. My skill deserted me with all of the 3.1 nerfs.

LolDKs take so much damage now that it's an exercise in futility to heal them. Mage/rogue = autoloss. Priest + X = autoloss. Absolutely horrible. I had this sick feeling in my stomach over all the honor/arena points I spent on holy. Had I made an awful, unforgivable mistake? But then my young lad of a partner had an idea- what if we swapped out his geared DK main for his poorly geared alt rogue?

Can Skill Overcome A Weak Class?
I was skeptical to say the least. After all, rogues are so squishy and die if they're so much as looked at. And he had nothing but PVE raid gear, a huge hindrance for a class that absolutely requires huge defensive ability. Could we get by with him only getting +20% passive healing and taking damage < 2/3 of the time he's in combat? It was a tough call but I decided to give it a go reluctantly.

Well I couldn't believe the sudden increase in my skill and his. After going a humiliating 3-8 with Pally/DK we ripped off a macho 19-1 record as Pally/Rogue. I mean, everyone knows that I am VENGEFUL DUELIST Roma Victor, the pro (but still casual) pally PVPer, but this was too much. I was amazed at how fast I could spam those 6200 flash heals into that poor rogue. It was great to go back to infinite mana ret/holy because my squishy rogue took roughly 90% less damage than his formerlly skillful DK.

Pure Skill Personified.

Coming Clean
Many of my avid fans (the most handsome, virile and potent fans on GR, by the by) will dutifully note my abject hatred for the skillful rogue class. Indeed, in the past I have pointed out how it is a no skill class, promotes tunnel visioning and has way too much burst, CC and over the top debuffs. I am man enough to admit that I was wrong. Rogues truly are pure skill. And I will go even further: healers that dare to play with rogues are among the most skillful in the game. You have no idea how stressful it is to have to heal 2/3 of the match with a meager 70% healing advantage over the opponent (+20% rogue heals, -50% wound poison to opponent's heals). This isn't something some terribad clicker can do. I was, in fact, a MERCILESS RIVAL in Season 2 let's not forget.

The Future : Pure Skill
In conclusion I want to thank Lafonda nee Duresha, my valiant but horribly underpowered rogue partner for putting on such a clinic of pure skill for our mutual benefit. I want to thank all of the rogues, hunters, warriors, lolDK's, lolrets, shaman, priests and locks (ROFL) that we skillfully tunnelvisioned from 100 --> points tonight. My Furious ring looks especially shiny and I am looking forward to my well earned Deadly shoulders on Tuesday. My only concern is whether my poor, woefully underpowered rogue (just ask the real hokage, Ming) can continue to be carried by a skillful paladin like me up to 1850 so I can get a real weapon. It's not going to be easy.

A truly skillful healer atop his skillfully RNG obtained steed.

TLDR: Buff Rogues.

P.S. LolArsenal.

S5 Casuals Strike Back! Deleting Gladiators, One Team At A Time

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 22:09:45 -0400

S5 Casuals Strike Back! Deleting Gladiators, One Team At A Time
My last statistical post generated a lot of discussion here and on the other WoW fora. Let me just say up front that I do not intend to alter my long term debonair writing style for a statistics laden borefest. Nevertheless I stumbled across a topic I found sadly hilarious and symptomatic of S5's legion of woes. In short, casual arena players, apparently embittered over the lack of rewards, are lobbying for people to delete their arena teams. This in turn reduces the number of teams eligible for gladiator. Although Blizzard uses a curved ELO ranking system, end of season rewards are flat: only the top 0.5% in each bracket achieve gladiator and the frost wyrm reward that goes with it. Lower the total number of teams therefore and you lower the number of people receiving gladiator.

Some Caveats
This is a snapshot based off today's (3/31/2009) AJ arena calculator. The number of actual teams varies at any time, so this is simply an estimate calculated off this data set. Also, players should be aware that this meta arena game has its own counters : for every team you delete, would be gladiators can simply create a new team to replace it. So you will have to delete in numbers greater than the gladiators can recreate with alts and people they pay to make new teams. Essentially, non-gladiators have a chance to play kingmaker if they can convince enough people to follow their lead.

My last caveat is that I am neither for nor against this. I believe that season 5 was a train wreck for a variety of reasons, but I am still active in all three brackets so I will not be deleting my teams. And I am at worst risking a stellar DEADLY RIVAL title, so deletions will not affect me in any meaningful way.

On The Bubble
The data below is again listed by realm and bracket, just like the AJ calculator. I have highlighted some of the teams on the bubble. I'm sure it will be very reassuring to know that the deletion of a mere 9 teams in 2v2 on Stormstrike means two less frost wyrms for the unlucky victims. Sorry, you got outplayed on the armory! From glad to bad without even playing arena? Believe it!

The Data
3/31/2009 - ArenaJunkies Calculator

Realm/Bracket	S5	# of Glads	Teams To Delete To Remove 1 Glad Team
US-Bloodlust
Bracket	~Active Teams
2v2	20441	102	42
3v3	7887	39	88
5v5	1825	9	26
US-Cyclone
Bracket	~Active Teams
2v2	14970	74	171
3v3	5694	28	95
5v5	1103	5	104
US-Emberstorm
Bracket	~Active Teams
2v2	9150	45	151
3v3	3105	15	106
5v5	522	2	123
US-Nightfall
Bracket	~Active Teams
2v2	14031	70	32
3v3	5278	26	79
5v5	986	4	187
US-Rampage
Bracket	~Active Teams
2v2	14901	74	102
3v3	5365	26	166
5v5	1036	5	37
US-Reckoning
Bracket	~Active Teams
2v2	15272	76	73
3v3	5875	29	76
5v5	1140	5	141
US-Retaliation
Bracket	~Active Teams
2v2	8040	40	41
3v3	2743	13	144
5v5	443	2	44
US-Ruin
Bracket	~Active Teams
2v2	15640	78	41
3v3	6435	32	36
5v5	1302	6	103
US-Shadowburn
Bracket	~Active Teams
2v2	15579	77	180
3v3	5852	29	53
5v5	1168	5	169
US-Stormstrike
Bracket	~Active Teams
2v2	16008	80	9
3v3	6185	30	186
5v5	1159	5	160
US-Vengeance
Bracket	~Active Teams
2v2	15565	77	166
3v3	5667	28	68
5v5	1050	5	51
US-Vindication
Bracket	~Active Teams
2v2	15722	78	123
3v3	6332	31	133
5v5	1248	6	49
US-Whirlwind
Bracket	~Active Teams
2v2	11925	59	126
3v3	4034	20	35
5v5	775	3	176

The Future
Next week I will post the change in gladiator eligible teams across all brackets. We will then be able to see who is winning the arena "game" without even participating in the arena. Is your frost wyrm safe?

Will yours be deleted? Photo courtesy MMO Champion.

Season 5 : Now 65% Less Popular!

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 23:32:15 -0400

I predicted early on in the season that the route Lord Kalgan and his merry band were taking would result in much less participation. There's plenty of reasons for this that have been talked to death so I won't rehash them here. Instead I was perusing the Season 5 ArenaJunkies title calculator to see if I would indeed qualify for DEADLY RIVAL (I should) and decided to compare against Season 4 numbers. Wow, not pretty.

The Bottom Line
Based on the numbers compared on AJ between S4 and S5, the US battlegroups have 419,000 less teams participating across all brackets. On average, every US battlegroup and bracket saw a 65% decline in participation. Ouch. I know people may say that participation is lower because not everyone is L80, but even still. 65% lower? That seems incredibly low for slow leveling alone, but pretty accurate anecdotally. 3/4 of my friends no longer arena after participating Seasons 1-4.

The Fix
Some simple fixes that should increase casual participation:
1- Get rid of PR requirements off everything but the current top set/offset pieces.
2- Scrap the godawful blue starter arena set.
3- Allow last season's lower tier gear to be purchasable with gold, or failing that, pure honor at a greatly reduced price.
4- Eliminate PVE gear in arena (okay, this will never happen, but I can dream)

Basically give people a reason to participate without having to grind 400K+ honor to survive more than a few globals. Arena can be lots of fun - make it so that people's first experience is positive and not just getting blown up over and over.

The Raw Data
This wasn't actually what I planned on posting about tonight but the data just floored me. I really don't have anything else to add. The data speaks for itself. Enjoy.

	S4	S5	Difference	% Change
US-Bloodlust
Bracket	~Active Teams	~Active Teams
2v2	47117	17416	-29,701	-63.04%
3v3	18462	7013	-11,449	-62.01%
5v5	5452	1696	-3,756	-68.89%
US-Cyclone
Bracket	~Active Teams	~Active Teams
2v2	38317	13645	-24,672	-64.39%
3v3	15684	5170	-10,514	-67.04%
5v5	3814	1069	-2,745	-71.97%
US-Emberstorm
Bracket	~Active Teams	~Active Teams
2v2	15571	7967	-7,604	-48.83%
3v3	6183	2657	-3,526	-57.03%
5v5	1491	464	-1,027	-68.88%
US-Nightfall
Bracket	~Active Teams	~Active Teams
2v2	33710	12277	-21,433	-63.58%
3v3	13357	4579	-8,778	-65.72%
5v5	3407	908	-2,499	-73.35%
US-Rampage
Bracket	~Active Teams	~Active Teams
2v2	37836	13100	-24,736	-65.38%
3v3	15927	4877	-11,050	-69.38%
5v5	3670	946	-2,724	-74.22%
US-Reckoning
Bracket	~Active Teams	~Active Teams
2v2	39582	13972	-25,610	-64.70%
3v3	16288	5370	-10,918	-67.03%
5v5	4195	1081	-3,114	-74.23%
US-Retaliation
Bracket	~Active Teams	~Active Teams
2v2	16393	7004	-9,389	-57.27%
3v3	6405	2383	-4,022	-62.79%
5v5	1683	420	-1,263	-75.04%
US-Ruin
Bracket	~Active Teams	~Active Teams
2v2	42687	14378	-28,309	-66.32%
3v3	17840	5933	-11,907	-66.74%
5v5	4703	1234	-3,469	-73.76%
US-Shadowburn
Bracket	~Active Teams	~Active Teams
2v2	35652	13602	-22,050	-61.85%
3v3	14169	5358	-8,811	-62.19%
5v5	3888	1093	-2,795	-71.89%
US-Stormstrike
Bracket	~Active Teams	~Active Teams
2v2	33253	14055	-19,198	-57.73%
3v3	13350	5414	-7,936	-59.45%
5v5	3477	1067	-2,410	-69.31%
US-Vengeance
Bracket	~Active Teams	~Active Teams
2v2	32240	14171	-18,069	-56.05%
3v3	12475	5193	-7,282	-58.37%
5v5	3298	982	-2,316	-70.22%
US-Vindication
Bracket	~Active Teams	~Active Teams
2v2	39376	14352	-25,024	-63.55%
3v3	16040	5786	-10,254	-63.93%
5v5	4116	1168	-2,948	-71.62%
US-Whirlwind
Bracket	~Active Teams	~Active Teams
2v2	27262	9836	-17,426	-63.92%
3v3	10782	3660	-7,122	-66.05%
5v5	2826	720	-2,106	-74.52%
				'
TOTALS:			419,962	65.70%

The True Champions Of Europe

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 16:35:11 -0400

This past week witnessed the clash of some of the greatest teams in Europe and outstanding performances by players from around the world. I admit to being glued to my browser while at work, following the action as best (and surreptitiously) as I could. Tournaments at this level aren't held very often so when you get a chance to watch, you have to savor every moment. Of course I'm talking about the UEFA Champion's League football tournament and not the RMP infested ESL. My beloved Red Devils advanced with the other three members of the English Premiership's "Fab Four", leaving Italian fans to cry in their Chianti (Real Madrid fans will cry in their Rioja I suppose).

Manchester United : Greatest (Modern) Season Ever?
I know this is controversial and highly subjective with so many great past teams, but objectively, in terms of hardware, Man United has a chance to capture every major trophy. So far they have:

Community Shield
World Club Cup
Carling Cup
Premiership (unless Liverpool can win tomorrow at Old Trafford, can't wait)

What's left?
FA Cup
Champion's League

They just dominated Fulham last week in the FA Cup and now they're up against Everton next. Arsenal seems to be trying to salvage their season by success in the FA Cup and Champion's League, but can they (or anyone) slow the Man U juggernaut? Tomorrow's match against Liverpool should be a good indicator. A mere two months ago Liverpool had a seven point lead on the Reds in the Premiership and now it's reversed. With only nine games remaining, it's now or never for a Liverpool team still pumped off its demolition of Real Madrid in the Champion's League this week.

This is the first season ever I've gotten to see every Man United game and it may turn out to be their best (thanks again GameRiot!). My only regret is not getting to watch Ajax in the UEFA Cup. Regardless, I watched Ronaldo's insane free kick goal a few weeks ago against Blackburn in my own house, sipping the K1 and enjoying what you lot in Europe take for granted every week. If you haven't seen it, this is why women and Chelsea men (but I repeat myself) swoon when he struts onto the pitch:

My Own Piece Of Glory
A former client knew that I was a football fan and was kind enough to get me a signed ball from Ronaldinho and a jersey after a photo shoot with him in Milan. It is now a treasured artifact in my sports collection and it reminds me how much I love football every time I go to get another pint. It truly is The Beautiful Game.

A Pint For The Beautiful Game

UPDATE: Liverpool's annihilation of Man United today at Old Trafford 4-1 has really livened up the Premiership and Champion's League. A potential ten point lead has now shrunk to four. You have to imagine that Man United is going to want to draw anyone but Liverpool in the Champion's League having lost to them twice already this season. Things just got interesting...

Flawless Roma Victor : Why Arena Takes More Skill

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 14:58:07 -0400

Long time readers know I have nothing but the utmost respect for Vir. But as an intellectually honest blogger and a journalist of the highest integrity, I have to politely but firmly disagree with Vir's recent assertion that fighting games take more skill than MMO PVP like the arena. For starters, Vir begins his analysis with him actually playing Street Fighter and the mental finesse that's required. Right off the bat fighting games lag behind the arena skill quotient because well over 80% of one's success in arena happens long, long before one actually steps into the arena. Let me explain in detail and please understand that I mean no disrespect to Vir as a revered and venerable blogger here on GR. I just want to set the record straight on why arena takes so much skill vis a vis console fighting games.

Factor 1 - Character Creation (Skill Starts Early)
Choose Your Faction
Choosing your toon in WoW at the character select screen will decide not less than 70% of your success in WoW PVP. First off, you have to choose a faction: Alliance or Horde. If you choose Alliance, you get:
- 98%+ win rate in BG's, which earns you honor (PVP gear) much faster than Horde
- 24/7 ownership of Wintergrasp, which also earns you faster PVP gear.
- the best racials for PVP
Needless to say, your first test of skill should result in you choosing Alliance.

Choose Your Race
Now that you've skillfullly chosen the Alliance, you need to choose your race. Generally speaking you want to choose the race with the most skillful racials for the class you select. As a rule of thumb, if you can pick human for the racial "Every Dev For Himself" you should, as it is the only racial which scales with PVE raid content. Honestly though you really can't go wrong, but you can maximize your skill here with a really unique choice (e.g. night elf hunter).

Character Creation Screen - Where Skill Begins

Choose Your Class
Classes in WoW arena are divided into three basic categories:
1- Faceroll: broken overpowered and by far the classes granting the most skill.
2- Average: in the hands of a really skilled player, these classes have the capacity to be middle of the road.
3- Nonviable: no matter how good you are, these classes will not be competitive.

Needless to say, you want to choose classes that fall into category 1. The tricky part is figuring out which classes are in what category because they change randomly and capriciously over time. A good rule of thumb, however, is to choose classes currently played by Kalgan (frost mage) or his girlfriend (rogue) as they tend to remain in the faceroll category for the longest periods of time. Again, these kinds of predestined choices are the foundation for the skill that is WoW arena.

Factor 2 - Rock, Paper, Scissors
Another factor as to why arena is far more skillful than console fighting games is the rock, paper, scissors approach to balancing. Rather than balancing each class one vs. one on their individual merits, WoW PVP revolves around rock beating scissors, scissors beating paper and paper beating rock. Thus when the arena gates open you can determine whether you will win or lose roughly 80% of the time just by glancing at the classes opposing you. This lends itself to far more skill than console games because skill is based upon the developers balancing the game rather than the arena competitors actually playing the game. I think even Vir must agree that en toto this is a much better way to balance.

Factor 3 - Gear Matters
Unlike console fighting games where there is no concept of persistent gear and its latent advantages, WoW arena enables large gear disparities to exist which only further assist in the refinement of arena skill. This is purely anecdotal, but this weekend I had the pleasure of fighting the following DK in 2v2: note he wears no PVP gear, has best in slot pretty much for every single slot and was doing unhealable damage to me while I was in frost presence the entire match just trying to stay alive. I was in awe at the skill possessed by his gear and the way it ripped me to pieces as he tunnel visioned me each and every match without so much as glancing at my arena partner. See what I mean? Without enormous gear disparities, you can't tell who's really skillful (at PVE) and who's really skillful at PVP, which again is another reason why I find that console fighting games really lack the panache of WoW arena.

Factor 4 - RNG Embodies Skill
Throughout Vir's screed he continually referred to "combos" and "special moves" that had to be executed flawlessly under difficult and stressful circumstances. What he didn't tell you is the utter lack of random events on the outcome of the match. Where are the TNT stuns? Where are the entrapment procs? Where are the freeze procs into shatter combos? No Dalaran waterfalls? Seriously, did console games reallly have to be so dumbed down that they can't even include random events to irrevocably change the outcome of the match? This one is a no brainer: console fighting games simply do not have this level of skill.

Factor 5 - Loss Of Character Control
In WoW arena it's perfectly acceptable to face an RMP team and lose control of your character for over thirty seconds and be a spectator as your entire team is destroyed. The unbelievable amount of coordination to pull this off is near legendary: a focus macro. Fighting games have nothing like this. How sad is it that you actually have to beat your opponent while they're in control of their toon. Ridiculous. The true mark of skill is defeating opponents who have no chance to fight back whatsoever. I just don't see any kind of comeback to this from fans of fighting games.

Factor 6 - Ratings
Fighting games on consoles use a terribad straight ranking or some other garbage based strictly on wins/losses that is easily determined by a player's past record. WoW arena uses a much more intuitive system based loosely upon the chess ELO system, but modified to take more skill by the introduction of three separate ratings:
- Team Rating
- Personal Rating
- Hidden Crazy Rating

This enabled a skilled VENGEFUL DUELIST like me to go 6-6 this week (outskilled by RMP sadly) and gain enough rating for shoulders, the mark of the truly elite arena PVPer. Because the system, rather than the players, determines what your rating should be it looks like we'll be shooting for Deadly weapons in the next week or two since I don't have access to PVE raid gear. Nothing says skill like 25 point wins and 5 point losses with teams 200 TR away from your current rating.

Conclusion - LolFightingGames
As an aspiring attorney I like to make my arguments logical, forceful and irrefutable. I think I've pretty clearly deconstructed Vir's arguments to the contrary and proven why WoW arena truly is the epitome of skill in a world of PVP has beens and never weres. This isn't to say that console fighting games aren't fun, because they are, but they can never compete with the sheer power and raw glory that is the skillfest of WoW arena.

I now have a 29-26 record and a 1776 PR on an 1800+ team, putting me well within the top 10% of WoW arena players worldwide. Sorry Vir, you can't compete with skill on this level.

A Casual Season 5 Success Story

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 21:13:38 -0500

It's no surprise that arena season 5 has been hard on the casual player, particularly in light of the recent addition of hidden rating which assumes a new player is 1300 rated and drags his rating down to prove it. So it's with no small delight that I am pleased to announce a casual season 5 success story featuring none other than myself, the casual hokage. It wasn't an easy road, but since I desire all my casual brethren to enjoy similar success I will divulge the secrets you too can use to enjoy season 5 to its fullest extent possible. But first, a brief history.

Season 5 - Casuals Go Home
It's bad when even Lord Kalgan, May His Glorious Majesty Endure Forever, recently admitted there is no incentive for casuals to participate in arena. This was borne out when every single one of my friends quit playing arena after four seasons when it was apparent there was no achievable incentive. Worse, everyone rerolled ez mode, aka Alliance, or quit the game entirely. So here I am stranded on Drak'Tharon, penniless with no friends and no arena teams. I felt like a lolret from season 3 all over again, kicked to the gutter in Dalaran and left for dead.

And then out of the blue my old arena buddies from Arygos, part of the Nightfail battlegroup, IM'd me. I reluctantly transferred back to the Michigan of battlegroups and surprisingly found success hidden beneath its Chernobylesque competitive arena scene:

What Success Looks Like In Season 5 For We In The Top 10%

1737 PR on a 1790 team? Hell. Yeahz. With a macho 23-20 record to earn it. Without further adieu, let me share my success story so that every casual can appreciate the thrill, the glory and the honor of standing over your defeated foes 57.5% of the time in the carnage that is season 5 arena.

Tip 1 - Play With 2000+ Rated Players
I can't stress this enough. Make sure to play with other players who are all 2k+ capable, either currently or in past seasons. There really is no substitute for skill and experience. You'd be surprised how effective your team will be if you're the only one blinding felhunters and fel dominating imps, or more recently, death gripping hunter pets. Their attention to detail, and top notch gear, really adds up to a sterling performance you just can't get playing with other people at your typically abysmal skill level. Look at it this way: even a scrub bassist still gets to play onstage next to the rock star guitarist and vocalist front man. You could be the arena equivalent of the bassist for Coldplay - no I have no clue what his name is and neither do you - that's the point!

I wanna give mad props here to Lafonda and Gotime of Arygos-Nightfail for letting a wannabe casual rock star enjoy a taste of the limelight (and Hateful set gear). The best part is I didn't even have to pay them, but be warned that most players of their caliber expect some kind of remuneration outside of a name drop on a blog read by the best, most loyal, most handsome and generally most intelligent players in the entire World of Warcraft.

Tip 2 - Play On A Michigan Quality Battlegroup
Look, it's no secret that ratings are not pro rated based on the level of competition in a given battlegroup. So why play quality opponents on Bloodlust, Ruin or Cyclone when you can wallow in the filth that is Nightfail or its equivalent. This is the Capital of Fail and there is no shame in earning rated gear. After all, is it your fault that all the good players chose not to play on Nightfail? Of course not! Hunters using immolation trap? Paladins wearing leather? Rogues specced combat? Shadow priests (ROFL)? Destro locks (j/k, there are none)? Nightfail has all of that and more. Why wait- a mere $25 guarantees you a shot at the stars on the worst battlegroup in the history of competitive e-sports.

Lansing, Michigan, after class - The Nightfail of America

Tip 3 - Play An Overpowered Class
A lot of people overlook this but it really is important. I rerolled death knight because, as I've stated, it's lolret sans suck. It really is helpful to play a class on the top end of the power scale. I am really sorry to all my casual fans playing destro locks, shadow priests, prot pallies and enhance shaman but alas you're just making the mountain you have to climb taller. Drop the zero class and get with the hero class - trust me, you will not regret it.

The second pro tip here is when one of something is good, two is always better. That's why we're rolling with DK/DK/Resto Druid, aka the "Treedeath" comp. Yes, our druid dies in the first 15-20 seconds of each match but fortunately you can still win 57.5% of your games 2v3 as double DK primarily due to our crazy good skillz.

Tip 4 - Drink Early And Often
I'm not ganna lie. Our first week I was so filled with trepidation I drank the Ketel One like the world was ending. This led Gotime to ask why I was slurring my "CYCLONE THE @#$!!! HUNTER PET" shouted commands so much on vent. But heavy drinking numbs the pain of getting killed in five seconds which is the hallmark of this quality arena season. It's also beneficial in that you get so sloppy that instead of hitting your Mind Freeze key (E) on the rogue you're targeting you totally miss and hit your Strangulate focus macro instead (Z) and silence that priest at a clutch moment. Yeah, that's how the pros do it.

Tip 5 - No Distractions
As a fellow casual I'm well aware of all the distractions that can prevent you from earning the ratings you deserve. But you have to get past that, break through, stay focused and concentrate on the mission at hand. So when my wife came home, tipsy and amorous, after a drunken neighborhood party I told her, without so much as glancing at her, "sorry, babe, we're about to break 1680 and you know what that means to me: Hateful breastplate." She was understandably miffed but you have to roll with that. Keep your eye on the prize and don't let silly distractions like crazy drunken sex with a beautiful woman get in the way of those phat rewards you so richly deserve.

Conclusion - Everyone Wants To Be Big Rock Stars
I know what you're thinking: well duh, Roma, you were a VENGEFUL DUELIST. You already have mad pro skillz at arena. And you're right, I do. But I'm looking at an even better title right now to demonstrate my unmatched prowess: DEADLY RIVAL. According to Vhairi's outstanding analysis, I am now better than over 90% of WoW's players, earning me the right to wear such a distinguished title. I'm a mere 40 PR away (i.e. 3 teams with a priest, lock, shaman, druid, warrior or rogue) from getting my Hateful shoulders, the ultimate mark of a season 5 casual champion. Just know that if and when I earn them, I will be thinking of you, my fellow casual brethren. You truly are the grasping hands beneath my desecrations.

Future Deadly Rival?

Remember: if you follow all of my tips above, you too can be the next casual season 5 success story. Believe it!

P.S. Hey Lafonda and Gotime, you still want me on the team this week, right? Right? Heh.

iPwning WoW On The iPhone

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 17:04:55 -0500

World of Warcraft, for all its flaws, remains for many of us our e-addiction of choice. But what do you do for those melancholy hours spent away from your tricked out gaming rig (c.f. Where You Pwn)? Until recently you simply suffered gutwrenching, heartrending withdrawal. Fortunately Apple's wünder device, the iPhone (or as I lovingly call my portable crack pipe, the iPwn) has top notch WoW applications available to it via its ever expanding iTunes App Store.

Characters app: it's Factionz On The Go, iPwn Style
Say you're going to ESL Germany or one of the MLG events, but you're not a participant. How do you know if someone you meet is a legitimate arena stud or just some terribad on some godforsaken battlegroup like Nightfail? Why waste time talking to some 1400 rated arcane mage? Life is too short for we Vengeful Duelists. Conversations, like your toon's race at the character select screen, should always be chosen carefully! The new Characters app is a portable armory that lets you quickly, and discreetly, get the answers you so desperately need.

Damn that's a sweet name for a DK - what a pro!

Here's a recent conversation at Starbucks that I quickly aborted using the trusty Characters app, which doubles as a means of determining someone's e-worth.

Random guy sees me reading WoW forums on my iPhone while waiting in line.
Random: Hey man, you play wow too? Right on!
RV (eyes narrowed in suspicion): Yeah... hey man, what's your toon's name and server? I wonder if we know each other.
Random: It's "Legopwnalas", I play a hunter on Wyrmrest Accord.
RV: Cool! Oh hey, I just got a text from my pregnant girlfriend, just a sec...
I nonchalantly turn the screen away from him and fire up the Character app.
Holy eff, a 1450 hunter on a holy/hunter 2v2 team. This guy is pure fail - he is literally stealing minutes of my life, WTF!?!?!
RV (feigning concern): Oh hey, turns out she's going into labor, brah, gotta run!
Random: Wow- good lu....
But I'm already gone - phew!

You can also keep armory tabs on all your toons (to impress your pregnant girlfriends) as well as the toons of all your e-heroes.

Not Shown : my Address Book with their personal contact info.

Like any armory, you can see stats, gear, etc... basically all the things you need to decide if someone is worthy to call themselves a man (or at least a man that only plays female characters).

Wow, this guy's awful - I'd never talk to him.

Chest - What Not Standing In The @#$!! Fire Will Get You At Tonight's Raid
You know how it is. Stuck at work, clock slowly ticking by, just can't wait to get home and resume that pinnacle of e-challenge: the WoW raid scene. But what if your work's network admin blocks gaming sites? How are you going to be able to check out what loot might drop in tonight's raid? Does that axe give 124 strength or 125? How can you debate the pros and cons of dual wield vs. two hand without being able to compare the gear? Thanks to the Chest app, also available on the App Store, your problem is solved because you can use the iPhone's own 3G mobile broadband to elude your fascist network admin.

Simply fire this bad boy up and allow yourself to drift off into a cozy daydream of pure PVE lootwhoring. Imagine what it's going to feel like if that Betrayer drops tonight off Kel'Thuzad. But wait - why just imagine? Let's take a look... again!

When All That Hard Work Finally Pays Off

Lolcloth.

Ah, that's so much better. That shadow priest that ganked me last year on Quel'Denas is so @#$!! dead, I can't wait! 1600's, here I come, baby!

The iPwn. Because is life unplugged from WoW really worth living?

Dude, Where's My PVP?

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 09:37:49 -0500

Lately both the WoW forums and GameRiot have been awash with criticism of the current state of Lich King arena.Â As the casual hokage it is my privilege, nay duty, to give my loyal readers an in depth casual perspective on WoW PVP today.Â I think a lot of the criticism is focusing on the mechanical problems and not the Big Picture.Â You see, it's not that class balance is a train wreck (it is), or that damage is stratospheric (and then some),Â or that the gear gap is at classic WoW levels (or worse), or that Blizzard failed to deliver on new PVP content (lolWintergrasp).Â The most important fact in my view is that for many casual players, PVP in its current state simply isn't fun.

Man, this PVP rules! I hope my PVE, er, PVPÂ gloves drop!

Two Globals Of Pure Adrenaline
I read a stat recently that alleged the average arena game right now lasts 23 seconds.Â I don't know if that's true but anecdotally it feels right.Â Of the six games of 3v3 I played this week (can you feel how addicted I am?), we playedÂ a game to see if we could kill the cloth before BoP/Iceblock.Â I think our longest match went almost a minute because the other team's filthy ***** of a ret pally had the unmitigated gall to bubble and fight back.Â Pure balls, that guy.

Now this alone doesn't make PVP not fun for the average player.Â First person shooters have allowed gibbing since day one and nobody complained that they weren't fun.Â However,
A) WoW isn't a FPS, and
B) The amount of CC in WoW is absurd.
Getting blown up in 2 globals while you're stunned is not fun for the victim.Â Oddly enough, it really wasn't that much fun as the dealer of death either.Â I have no clue if that priest/lock/hunter was any good since they flatlined 10 seconds into the match.

The Impact - Donde Estan Mis Casuales, Amigos?
I currently reside on Mal'Ganis which has been a perennial hotbed of PVP.Â When I visited MG last spring for my Holyfusion investigative reporting (and man I wish I could link to my old blogs, which appear to have disappeared), trade/general chat was slammed with people selling PVP services or looking for arena partners.Â Today it's rare indeed to see a PVP announcement in chat.Â Instead it's nothing but PVE PUGs.Â

As the bottom falls out of arena, it will be interesting to see Blizzard's response.Â Will they try and entice casual players back into PVP (even battlegrounds are nigh empty on Stormstrike compared to a year ago)?Â Or will they let PVP slide back into a niche "game within the game" that a tiny minority plays for subpar gear?

The Good News For Casuals
Fortunately, Blizzard has a habit of opening alternative paths to having fun when they ruin an aspect of the game.Â In TBC, that was arena for my casual brethren.Â In WotLK, that appears to be PVE raiding.Â It never ceases to amuse me that people (myself included) are AFKing battlegrounds for starter raid PVE gear with the Hateful offset.Â And I'm finally getting to see the raid content I paid forÂ four years ago:

My first Rag kill - Mom and Dad would be so proud.

WTB New Server
Although I couldn't be happier with the Mal'Ganis community, it's getting old having large login Q's at night and nasty server lag.Â Once again we are looking for a Horde server (preferably PVP) with active PVP and solid PVE opportunities for casuals.Â Given that PVE is the best way to prepare for PVP, I am also looking for a casual raiding guild.Â I generally do not stand in the @#$!!! fire, but I make no promises, heh.Â As for my raiding accomplishments,Â the pictures above and below speak for themselves.Â Totally pro, basically what you'd expect from a VENGEFUL DUELIST.

A VENGEFUL DUELIST proudly displays the mount earned with his raw soloÂ skill.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get back to playing Grand Theft Auto on my new XBox whileÂ tapping my spacebar inÂ Strand of the Alliance for tokens.Â I've found carjacking helpless people to be somewhat more stimulating than training down cloth in two globals. Heh.

This PVP lasts a lot longer and is more satisfying.Â Carjacking IS real World PVP.

When Did PVE Become Fun?

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 03:33:07 -0500

In the absence of an arena season to show off my chops as an elite, VENGEFUL DUELIST Death Knight, I have taken up some part time PVE.Â As the casual hokage, I feel it is my duty to explore all aspects of WoW in the interests of my loyal readers (the best, wisest and generally most virile members of the GameRiot community).Â Surprisingly I discovered a long lost love- the joy of PVE tanking.Â True, I do play a hated FotMÂ DK, so groups are hard to come by. So hard that on Mal'Gankis in order to tank a PUG you go through an interview process.Â It goes something like this:

The Interview
NinjaRogueX spams: LF2M Tank/Heals H Hall of Lightning, PST stats/achievement
You tell NinjaRogueX: Tank, 24K hps, def capped and no longer a virgin.
NinjaRogueX tells you: Lemme ask group.
*** 3 mins pass, while NinjaRogueX continues to spam Trade/LFG for Tank ***
NinjaRogueX tells you: Okay, you're in.Â I'm needing all 1hers, just FYI.
You tell NinjaRogueX: Sure thing, brah!

The Begging
*** You now spend 30-45 minutes looking for that rarest of creatures, a healer ***
NinjaRogueX tells the party: Hey, I think we can get this priest to heal if we pay her 200g.
Shaman tells the party: WTF?
LordDeathKnight tells the party: Word.
LeetHeals joins the party.
You tell the party: Heya
LeetHeals tells the party: If we wipe, I'm history.
You tell the party: Baby, you got nothing to worry about.Â Just don't stand in the $@#!! fire.
[I have this macro'd]

The Power And The Glory
Heroics are basically the same as normal five mans, with the added pleasure of loot drama (no one wants five man shards, er, drops) and healer superiority complexes.Â Yes, we know you're one of three druids on the server who still heal PVE instead of ganking L70's in greens in Howling Fjord.Â Yes, we know you're totally l33t and hit 1800 playing war/druid in S2.Â But seriously, when you're done recounting yourÂ gloryÂ with that could you please toss me a few lifeblooms while I'm AFKTanking this boss?

Fortunately DK tanking is a lot of fun and fairly easy.Â You throw down your AE, you death grip the kill target, then you spam AE #2 and AE #3, and if that fails, you bust out AE #4.Â If things look dicey you break out a few cooldowns (careful, they won't be back up for another minute).Â Now, if you're wondering what's the fuss over pugging heroics and the whole interview process, you're not alone.Â Â After I tanked my first heroic I was a little bewildered.Â What's all the fuss?Â Do people seriously wipe on this stuff regularly?

The Fun: My Cup Overfloweth
The good news is I really like the new 5 mans.Â A lot more fun than TBC.Â I also, as I've stated before, love the fact that they're relatively short. A typical instance run takes 2 hours LFGÂ + 45 mins - 1 hour to run the instance.Â If healers were not extinct on Mal'Gankis I would imagine you could do this pretty much whenever you want as your schedule permitted.Â And that is the essence of the Life e-Casual: doing what you want, when you want.Â Whatevs, brah!

Solo Raiding Old ContentÂ : The New Frontier
As loyal readers know, I haven't raided seriously since classic WoW.Â So I felt the need to relive the glory days soloing old content.Â Onyxia and Hakkar are now basically dailies to get free gold (and hopefully tiger/raptor mounts).Â I want to try Ossirian next since I never finished AQ20 before I stopped standing in the @#$!! fire, er, raiding.Â I figure in a few years I may actually get to see Nefarian, which would be outstanding.Â I totally miss PVE.

P.S. Hey brah, when does Season 5 start again?

Ketel One, Grant Me Strength!

WotLK : A Look Back

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 15:53:53 -0500

It seems a lifetime ago thatÂ people stoodÂ in line outside the local Gamestop, waiting for the imminent release of Wrath of the Lich King with the otherÂ young virgins, desperate for the next installment of their virtual addiction.Â Indeed, Nov. 13 was a brutally cold night in Michigan, a godforsaken wasteland where men's hearts are asÂ frigid and barrenÂ as the economy.Â In fact, I have come to refer to Michigan lovingly asÂ Icecrown South: a land so ruined that even the Scourge cannot find gainful employment (there's nothing left to destroy).Â But enough of that, WotLK has been out for ages now and it's time to critique its wonders and wants and provide the detached, unbiased perspectiveÂ for which I am so (cough) rightly known.

Icecrown South - Picture from my parking space at work

Solo PVE : Bear *****Â Now 83%Â More Fun To Collect
The grind to 80 wasn't bad, it was brutal.Â You forget how much you hate solo PVE until you actually have to do it again.Â It's not that it was a long, arduous grind- it wasn't.Â It's the fact that you haven't had to do this grind for over two years and you no longer remember how irritating it was.Â I noticed that by L74 no one was bothering to gank anymore- people were so mindnumbed by the monotony of killing 8 kobolds and collecting 12 bear ***** that they had no time nor inclination to engage in world PVP unless you really provoked them.Â And sometimes that wasn't enough.Â Boost, my arena partner and guild buddy, ganked the same priest 48 times in a 90 min span and the priest not once bothered to fight back or vary her routine.Â That is the kind of dedication that will make her a top notch raid healer in short order- kudos!

5 Man Group PVE :Â Shards Aplenty
So far the 5 man dungeons have been mercifully short (most runs 30-45 min), which is a welcome change to the 2+ hour trashfests of Shadow Lab and the like.Â They've also been lots of fun in terms of layout, encounters and general feel.Â I have to say that although PVE isn't my favorite aspect of the game, I enjoyed grinding these dungeons much more than grinding the TBC dungeons.Â The addition of the ability to choose the rep you want to gain was a very good idea and should be expanded upon.Â My one complaint is that the gear on normal was pretty lackluster even at 80.Â Hopefully heroics will provide a better answer.

Raid PVE :Â PUGgable, Or Did Furor/Tigole Die?
Last night I did my first actual raiding since the MC days by pugging 25 man Naxx.Â I'd never been to Naxx, so clearing a few wings before I crashed was way fun.Â It's inconceivableÂ to think ofÂ doing this pre-WotLK.Â Big thanks to Brutalus and the other Fan Club members who got my horribly geared DK into the raid to walk out with two outstanding tank items.Â I can't imagine this is what the developers intended though.Â I, the casual hokage, got to experience raid content without having to sacrifice my life in the process.Â I actually got to enjoy content I paid for over two years ago but never got to see- this can't be right.Â I gotta believe that Furor and Tigole right now are plotting the assassination of Lord Kalgan (May He Live Forever).Â Speaking of which, this PVE gear is ridiculous, which brings me to my next point...

Vehicular Combat on the Frozen Tundra of Northrend

PVP : When PVEers Attack
I'm missing the point of PR/TR on arena gear when you can pug cheesy raids and get the same items.Â To make matters worse, this puts elite PVPers (like myself,Â a VENGEFUL DUELIST) at the mercy of the "Don't Stand In The @#$!! Fire" crowd.Â Â I don't want to have to do raid PVE to get PVP gear.Â Sadly that seems to be the way it's going.Â To make matters worse, the entry level PVP gear is so bad you're crazy to even go for it as opposed to the heroic/raid gear you can get with emblems.Â The stats/resilience on the Savage blue PVP set are so bad as to be laughable, which is why I will most likely be tank specced running raids/heroics as time permits... to gear up for PVP.Â Because that makes sense.

Death Knights : Oh How I Love Thee, Let Me Count The Ways
Probably the primary raison d'etre for the entire expansion.Â The most fun I've had in an MMO since playing a dark elf hottie shadowknight in EverQuest.Â In PVP it's like playing my lolret but without the suck.Â Never, ever worrying about mana.Â Being able to use Skill of the Forsaken while tunnel visioning Priests/Warlocks is so choice.Â It feels like playing a combination of rogue and lolret at the same time, but oh so much more fun.Â I cannot wait to play this class in arena next week even though my gear is terribad and I will be eating dirt left and right to the PVE superstars.

In conclusion, I am enjoying the expansion immensely even if it does have gapingÂ holes and way too much emphasis on PVE.Â I give it a casual rating of 7.5/10 and look forward to future improvements.

P.S. Don't Stand In The @#$!! Fire on Heigan the Unclean, like I did.

Ret Isn't OP: I'm OP

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 21:23:50 -0500

First off, I want to apologize up front for my recent entries lamenting the recent nerfhilation of ret pallies TO THE GROUND, BABY.Â It turns out I was wrong: ret wasn't nerfed because the spec was overpowered.Â In reality ret was nerfed because yours truly, VENGEFUL DUELIST ROMA VICTOR, is insanely overpowered.Â Who knew the devs could make such a big mistake, putting such raw power into theÂ hands of a madman drunk on vodka and success?

Ret: Balanced For Destroying Badly Geared L70 Players In BG's
You see, ret was never balanced for the likes of arena DUELISTS like me. It was simply balanced for the all important L70 battlegrounds: theÂ ultimate test of aÂ PVPers mettle.Â So when an arena pro like me stepped into a PUG battleground, the results were predictable:

Yeah, This Is How OP I Am

A Method To My Madness
As a hunter fan in the BG kept saying, "Holy @#$!!, RV, how do you do it?".Â Well, it's actually pretty simple for we professionals.Â Let me divulge a few pro tips so you too can be OP.

1- Seal of Blood, not Seal of Casino
SoBloodÂ was left unnerfed so lolret wouldn't lose its PVE raid DPS.Â This means you'll get 3600+ judgmentÂ crits on 400+ res people left and right.Â It also procs on every swing- including EVERY divine storm target in range.Â The only RNG is if it crits.Â Â This means Righteous VengeanceÂ adds another 1440 damage on a big crit, resulting in 5k+ damage from one swing.Â Not bad, eh?Â Sure it damages you, but you can heal, right? (Note my healing).

2- Judgment of Wisdom
You'll go oom in < 1 min of burning down people, so you gotta extend that with JoW.Â Yes, it's nearly as bad as pre-3.0 for mana, but look on the bright side: if a disc priest stops healing themselfÂ to mana burn you they just get blown apart.

3- Heal Llike Voting : Early And Often
Don't wait until you're < 50% to heal. Do it whenever you get close to dying in a post 3.0 L70Â battleground: < 95% health.

4- Prey on the Weak
Seek out Shaman, Rogues, Warriors, Warlocks, Hunters, Priests, Druids and badly geared Paladins.Â Mages are strictly off limits as are better geared paladins. Look, no one said you have to be a hero- you gotta be very careful in picking your fights.

5- Constantly Brag About How OP You Are
It's true the enemy can't hear your boasting, but they can read the scoreboard right?Â As one fellow Horde said, "I'm so screenshotting this for how OP ret pallies are".Â I tried to explain, "Hey, it's not ret, it's ME. I'm OP."Â Regardless, make sure to keep pointing out how you're the only one trying in the BG.Â Also, keep referring to every class but mage with the "lol" prefix: lolrogue, lolwarrior, lolpriest, etc...Â It's a really good motivational tool!

6- Save Wings For WhenÂ You Have Berserker
Don't blow wings unless you have berserker AND when you're attacking some 8k health clown in greens. You may not get the elusive one shot but most of the time you will get the two shot.Â This leads to the coveted "NERF RET OMG WTF NERF RET QQ QQ NERF NERF NERF" posts on the paladin forums that we cherish so dearly.

7- Claim It's Pure Skill
Similar to #5, constantly point out that your class is totally balanced and that it's simply your mad skillz that make it OP.Â It worked for rogues for 4 years, so you should be set.Â It really helps to sell this if you can blow someone apart while they're stunned OR you're bubbled.Â Either works, so it's really personal preference.

So there you have it.Â I've finally come clean and admitted that I'm OP.Â Ret OP?Â Nah... It's just how I roll.

NERF RET.

A Brief Explanation

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 10:04:09 -0400

I beg the indulgence of my patient, steadfast readers for a brief moment.Â I feel I owe you an explanation for my extended absences and heavy dosage of QQ posts lately.Â Ultimately it all comes down to time, and its opportunity cost when measured against its other possible uses.Â Between work, law school, family and my other pursuits, there is very little time to indulge my favorite hobby of all, writing.Â Even when I do find some free time in my 18+ hour days, it comes down to: would I rather play WoW or write about it?Â Would I rather watch Manchester United or write about it?Â When I choose to write, time remains a constraint. Which leads me to my next point.

QQing Is Easy Like Sunday Morning
As the hokage will tell you, QQ posts take a minimum amount of effort (read: time).Â You start with a simple premise, based on the latest WoW trend, and just expound upon it at length.Â It doesn't require a whole lot of thought and can be knocked out in a reasonable amount of time (e.g. 15 minutes).Â Coming up with the likes of World of Jewcraft, while infinitely more fun for both writer and reader, takes triple that amount of time.Â Â This leads toÂ the standard quality vs. quantity dilemma: write something better less often or something easy more often?Â Â

Ultimately I have to write though, it's pretty much in my blood.Â As Bob Salvatore once told me, "You don't write because you want to, you write because you have to."Â I agree with that.Â Now let me discuss my QQing on ret in particular to clear up some misconceptions.

The Thrill of Victory
I'm not going to lie, playing my ret pally the last two weeks is the most fun I've ever had in WoW.Â Last night we took ret/rogue/feral over 1700 and I finallyÂ won my retÂ helm/boots by standing on a mountain of warrior,Â druid and cloth corpses.Â I'm curious to see how high we can take it before the nerfs hit.Â Â This despite Stormstrike arena being nearly unplayable due to instance aborts and ridiculous lag spikes.Â Blowing up gladiator priests, druids and rogues was a long, satisfying culmination of the painful ret pally experience.Â

IÂ am amazed at how skillful I became over the last two weeks at training people down in the duration of a kidney shot.Â People didn't believe VENGEFUL DUELIST ROMA VICTOR could bring it, and I gave them a taste, Detro' 8 Mile back alley style.Â And verily both the blood and Ketel One flowed.Â I got my headless horseman mount yesterday and I feel like I "won" TBC with my very modest casual goals:

What Success Looks Like - Come Get A Taste!

The Agony Of Defeat
More interesting to me than whether or not ret is OP was the reaction of the playerbase to my uncannily accurate assertions.Â I am happy to entertain criticisms based on arena tactics (of which I am no master- until this week), but I was baffled at the outrage over my predictions.Â Predictions, I might add, that are based on not only the historical record but present events!Â How strange indeed.Â Listen, I can't tell you how to play RMP against RPD, but I can tell you which classes will be viable in Season 5, and ret isn't one of them.Â

I warned in my last post that the damage nerfs were just the start and once again I was proven right: the new Judgment of the Wise nerf means that rets will go oom in < 2 minsÂ just using their damage cycle, let alone cleansing, healing or using their hand spells.Â This will not be the last nerf either, but I won't rub it in this time with another "I Told You So" post.Â Before you get angry and accuse me of not knowing what I'm talking about, take a deep breath and examine the facts.Â My predictions, like my ideology,Â are empirical-Â they're based on experience and what actually transpired.Â Yes, it is QQing, but it's QQing based on fact, not fancy.Â You doubt me at your peril!

The Future Awaits
I have had many articles I've wanted to write over the last three months but been unable to do so for lack of time. I am going to try and get a couple of them polished up.Â I will do my best to keep the QQ posts to a minimum henceforth and I once again want to thank all of my loyal, blessed readers. You truly are the wind beneath my wings (when I pop Avenging Wrath and 100-0 that skilless POS druid in a single hammer).

Lulz.

I Told You So!

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 11:48:21 -0400

Kind readers, once again the casual hokage proves his clairvoyance with another prediction becoming reality: lolret is nerfed and well on its way back to its status as garbage.Â Loyal readers remember I predicted thisÂ back on August 2Â when the QQing began.Â I even offered counseling a month ago for people filled with angst at the prospect ofÂ lolret being viable.Â

I fully admit that I am no expert on arena tactics, but on class balance, and the method of class balancing, I am without equal.Â No one has my track record at predicting the rise and fall of classes in PVP, nor the uncanny ability to discern the underlying mechanism of class balancing. Ultimately this is more art than science, which is why I do not expect any real challenge to my primacy in this area anytime soon.

TO THE GROUND, BABY!
This past Sunday at Blizzcon, Teh Kalgan, May He Live Forever, stated about ret paladins that "they're fine".Â We all knew this was mere theological rhetoric, concealing his real intentions behind flowery eloquence.Â Here is developer Ghostcrawler yesterday:

Q: Are we going to nerf Ret?
A: TO THE GROUND BABY.

Thus with no warning, in the midst of servers crashing left and right, world servers dying and arenas lagging out, Teh Kalgan hotfixed a ret nerf under cover of server admin incompetence.

A Brief Taste of Glory
I'm not going to lie.Â I packed 4 years of WoW livin' into one hour yesterday in battlegrounds as a viable class.Â It was glorious.Â I killed resto druids (no, I'm serious, solo no less- no seriously, I'm NOT LYING). I killed arms warriors. I killed priests.Â I even killed a really bad frost mage.Â But most importantly, I even killed a PVE geared shadowstep rogue who kept attacking me, a feat impossible with the previous version of lolret.Â Note: I'm told the rogue was bad because my rogue guildee Boost has been wrecking 100-0 gladiator lolrets as mut even before the nerf.

Regardless, I can't tell you how good it felt to play a lolret as a viable class.Â It literally almost made four years of frustration worth it for that brief, sweet taste of PVP ecstasy.Â It felt nearly as great as playing my buddy's S3 geared warrior while he healbotted me- but more importantly, my lolret LOOKED GOOD while laying down those beatz.Â You can't put a price on style!

The Future : Keeping Things In Perspective
I have made no secret that lolret has no future as a viable class based on how class balancing is done.Â I am still planning to play either a DK (if they're viable) or check out WAR.Â It's important to remember that I still had fun playing my worthless lolret in battlegrounds even before the 3.0 patch-- I'll still have fun dusting off my lolret even now post-patch.Â And wanding lolrets to death on my priest will honestly never get old.

I will say I think Blizzard made a mistake nerfing lolret prior to the xpac launch.Â Marketing 101 will teach you "bait and switch" works much better AFTER the poor victim has paid you the money, heh.Â But then these are the same people with a $150M monthly budget that don't know how to provide redundancy, 99% uptime and seamless patch rollouts. I guess I'm rather naive to think they could master marketingÂ when they fail so horribly atÂ server administration.

WotLK Arena Season 5: Nostradamus Speaks
Bookmark this link for referenceÂ after Season 5.Â Here are your Season 5 results in terms of SK100 representation:
Top DPS: Warrior, Rogue
Top Healer: Druid
DarkÂ Horse: Death Knight

I Told You So!

Anticipation

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 00:30:03 -0400

Time grows short, but here I sit on the eve of the most important patch in the long, storied history of WoW.Â A mere 16 hours, 4-7 server crashes, reboots, emergency patches, lag outs and extended, EXTENDED maintenance separates me from the fun that will be ret pallies in 3.0.2.Â It's been a long road, a hard road, but when I get home from class tomorrow evening I may finally be able to hard counter another class.Â Even if this is just a charade before the typical prelaunch ret nerfing, I will finally have my chance to have fun playing the class, and spec, I love so much.Â And let me count the ways.

Why I Love This Patch
It's not just that ret pallies have improved to the point that they may be viable in arena, it's that some of the most annoying things are being changed. Let me name a few:

- Paladins/Warlocks can use their class mounts without getting counterspelled and losing their primary school. Yay, I will finally useÂ my paladin mount in PVP.
- No more well timed mace stuns
- No more arcane shot dispel - if you want to dispel, burn a global like everyone else.
- Shadowstep not working rooted (ouch)
- No more perception (so sorry Alliance)
- Shared priest racials (so very sorry Alliance)
- Lowered PR on S4 weapons so scrubs like me on nonviable classes have a shot

Don't Nerf Me, Bro!
At Blizzcon this past weekend, Kalgan (or another developer, Ghostcrawler, the record is mixed) stated about ret pallies: "They're fine".Â Personally I think Kalgan is:
A) Out of his mind on drugs
B) Dumped his rogue girlfriend for a slamming cheerleader who plays ret
C) Doesn't care, death knights will own everything

Kind readers, don't get me wrong. I'm still a paladin atheist.Â There's a reason arena Season 4 is ending prior to ret pallies becoming viable.Â And my man K-dog has plenty of time to annihilate lolret mere minutes after instalilng the xpac.Â But you simply can't let that detract from the sheer bliss the next few weeks is going to be.

You Can Run, But... Well, Actually You Can't Even Run (JoJ)
I have waited four long years to exact some well deserved vengeance on the faceroll classes (the other eight) who laughed at the plight of the lowly paladin. Tomorrow is my day to shine.Â In honor of that day I have taken the time to break out ye olde Halloween helm from days of yore and bind it diabolical yell to my execute macro.

My skill increaseth mysteriously.

They Hate Our Freedom
I think the first time I break a five point kidney shot withÂ Hand of Freedom, turn around and drop a stun on the rogue and 100-0 him in the space of one stun with skillful RNG crits will truly mark the coming of age of the skilled ret paladin.Â Timing those mad RNG crits will be the mark of our best andÂ our brightest.Â It will be aÂ shining example of what hard work, perseverance and ironclad discipline can produce.Â I. Am. Ready.Â Am I The One?

Live In The Moment. The Time Is Now.Â Carpe Diem.Â

Lolret.

WotLK : Casual PVPers Need Not Apply

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 22:55:20 -0400

I'm surprised more people aren't talking about the major sea change in Blizzard's PVP design philosophy.Â As the casual hokage, it is my privilege -- nay, duty -- to voice the concerns of theÂ Casual Majority.Â It appears the internecine warfare inside Blizzard HQ resulted in the Furor/Tigole/Kalgan factionÂ defeating theÂ Sales/Marketing businessÂ team.Â Apparently the antipathy to the casual, nonraiding playerbase (which reached a crescendo in vanilla WoW) is now back -- and back with a vengeance.

Devs: Casual PVPers, Please Quit, Lulz.
Marketing Dept: Please, please, Buy the Xpac! (Our Devs Are Retards!)
The geniuses that destroyed EverQuest and vanilla WoW for the casual PVPer have decided to:
- add 3 sets of PVP gear, all of which require arena points
- Add 1700+/1900+ PR to ALL pieces of top 2 PVP sets
- make the difference between the sets the equivalent of 10+ character levels
- make ALL sets inferior to PVE gear from 25 man uberguild raiding
- give PVE raidersÂ the bestÂ PVP gear for defeating scripted AI

Let me translate for fellow casuals: if you're an average PVPer (say, 1600 rating which by definition in ELO is above average), YOU WILL NEVER LEGITIMATELY EARN THE TOP TWO PVP SETS. EVER. And this presumes you play a viable class (there are onlyÂ 3-4 tops at any one time).Â The top PVE weapon released in beta from 25 man Naxx is 171 DPS.Â Your blue PVP weapon? 130 DPS (with a ton less stats).Â So good luck with that.Â Heh.

The Good News: DON'T STAND IN THE FIRE = GLADIATOR GEARZ
You'll be gratified to know that if you like toÂ faceroll people in PVPÂ but don't really like to arena, you can just do 25 man PVE and getÂ the bestÂ PVP pieces availableÂ from Lake Wintergrasp.Â Â Which totally makes sense.Â After all, you're defeating scripted AI that will never, ever change.Â Â But to be fair, DON'T STAND IN THE @#$!! FIRE is more than many people can handle, so I can see how that should translate to skipping a 2000+ PR requirement. Heh.

It Was Fun While It Lasted
Four years is a long time to play a MMO, even glorious WoW.Â EverQuest only lasted about half that long for me due to lack of casual content.Â I still love WoW but there is absolutely zero content for a casual PVPer in WotLK who wants to compete on a level playing field.Â I hate raiding and through four arena seasons I've yet to have a stable arena team such that I could make a push for higher ratings.Â As far as I can tell, the devs are no longer seeking to capture my $$$, which is fine. It's their game and if a pure raidfest a la EQ 2.5 is the future, it's their decision.Â I just don't want to be a part of it.

One Last Lulz @ Raiders
Kind readers, you know how much respect I have for uberguild raiders in PVP.Â Which is why I had to laugh this week when a glaives rogue ganked my priest in Tarren Mill.Â I promptly logged to my lolret and smashed his face in twice.

JAYTEE-MAL'GANISÂ - GLAIVES ROGUE AND FUTURE GLADIATOR IN WOTLK?

DON'T. STAND. IN. THE. @$#@!!!. FIRE.

Lulz.

PVP Counseling For 3.0

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 14:54:10 -0400

Change We Can Believe In

no.spam@gameriot.com (Roma Victor) — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 08:14:26 -0400

Dearest readers, it is with no small amount of trepidation that I write this entry, risking the ire of the GR gods.Â But there comes a time when you have to put aside your personal bias and look to the greater good.Â Four years ago a remarkableÂ man entered the U.S.Â scene and quickly rose to prominence.Â This man, a near messianic figure,Â offersÂ all of us aÂ once in a lifetime opportunity to improve our lives for the better.Â My long time readers know I have been openly critical of this man- indeed I have been no supporter of his in the past.Â So it's extremely hard for me to verbalize my praise for him due to our previous differences.

The Audacity of Hope
And it's praise that is more than warranted.Â For he's given us something we as a PeopleÂ really lacked until recently : Hope.Â Not just an abstractÂ hope, a fool's hope,Â but a concrete hope, something tangible and visceral.Â Hope for a better world, hope for a better life and hope for the kind of change we can believe in.Â Some may say hope is no substitute for policy, but I disagree.Â Which leads me to my next point.

Experience Counts
Critics, myself included, have lambasted thisÂ man for his lack of experience and poor decision making in the past.Â But really, who are they (we?) to judge?Â Can we say that we truly would have made different decisions standing in his shoes, seeing what he saw, feeling what he felt? I would humbly submit not.Â Yes, his professional experience is utterly lacking, I grant you.Â However, his personal experience and his infectious charisma speak volumes about his capacity to lead.

The Youth Appeal - Ideology vs. Idealism
I've reached a stage in my life where youthful idealism falls before the might of timeworn cynicism, as it eventually must in all of us.Â Nevertheless I'm struck by this man's appeal to my generation and those even younger, like my paladin hero Zilea.Â Â Zilea's enthusiasm for this man and the change he promises are the stuff of which youth movements are founded: a new Volksturm for the 21st century if you will.Â Such wild eyed devotion to a mortal man I've not seen outside of religious ceremonies.Â

Truly, this man is something special - perhaps aÂ glimpse into not just who we are, but who we could actually be.Â Maybe we really are the ones we've been waiting for.Â Is ideology dead? No- but neither is idealism so long as his strong words inspire us.Â As you've probably guessed, the great man to which I refer is none other than...

Tom "The Kalgan" Chilton, lead developer of WoW

Lipstick On A Pally - OvercomingÂ The Past
"You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a paladin".Â - Kalgan, 2007, S2

I know those words made me angry at the time, but I've come to understand this great man's philosophy about game design.Â You see, playing a paladin is sort of like playing a druid, except you have actual skill.Â And there's no question that the new treeformÂ resto druids will not be killable in 2's, but that makes sense:Â they're druids.Â I defy anyone to overcome that logic.

But the greatest change - change I've been hoping for since I left Sargeras back in the day - finally occurred yesterday.Â PVE to PVP transfers opened and all of my friends moved our VENGEFUL DUELIST toons over to Mal'Gankis.Â I'm looking forward to ganking Bearbank over and over and over and killing every < L30 rogue, druid and warrior again and again and again.Â Because I can.Â Maybe Wingz will actually teach me how to play a paladin (lost cause IMO).

LF shadow priest partner for 2's in 3.0, PST!

Ultimately I think we can all agree: this is Change We Can Believe In.

THERE IS A KALGAN.