Useless Talent Builds: How To Annoy The **** Out Of Your Opponents - Part 1

Countercomping sucks.

We all know this situation: You enter an arena match, you meet a comp that's a perfect counter to your team and you just alt-tab out to pick your nose with one hand and scratch your balls with the other. Meanwhile, your team continues to harass you on teamspeak/vent with annoying lines like "Please don't do this, we need you!" or "HEAL ME OMFG!" or "WTF he is afk!". But you just don't want to see your Warlock toon losing against that triple Paladin team again with your 1337 Metamorphosis spec ("lol thx blizz, I always wanted to be a demon!") or be sheeped by that pesky Mage noob AGAIN ("grrr!") just when you pop your Sprint/Evasion/Blade Flurry/AR/Killing Spree/AP trinket macro and your Cloak is down AGAIN ("******* cooldowns!").

So you take off your headphones and daydream of that gorgeous girl you've met the day before on the internet. You felt there was something going on between you two when she took off her pants and started talking in a foreign language. "Why didn't I ask for her number?" you think while you're scrolling through youporn to find her again. Tears come to your eyes when you can't find her and alt-tab back to WoW just to find out that your stupid noob arena team has kicked you. "What a ******* mess! The only woman I've ever loved is lost and my arena team has abandoned me! My life is ruined forever!" you think as you strap a shotgun to your 150$ Razer mouse and accept the quest to blow your brains out.

Now CALM DOWN!, take a drink and +1 this blog while I tell you why IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT!


WoW is all about numbers. You play in a 2345 team that counters 0815 when you're specced 51/5/15 and your Paladin is Ret with 2 points in Improved Hammer of Justice and has a glyph that reduces skill by 20% and adds 35% damage on a skill that does 150% damage plus 238 and an additional 5% for each turd that is on the target. God that sounds ******* boring, right? It is. Just stop caring, allow yourself to have some fun and try out my new & fancy talent speccs:


Death Knight 51/0/20 - THE AUTOATTACKER:

Why didn't Serennia come out with something like this? The main idea behind this specc is getting Dancing Rune Weapon AND a Ghoul Pet. That sounds cool, right? Yeah and it gets better. Sudden Doom gives you a 15% chance to launch a free Death Coil at your target when Heart/Death Striking and those coils even get a damage boost from Morbidity. Still not convinced? Your main hand auto attacks also deal an additional 20% shadow damage with each hit AND you have a 20%/30% chance (depending on your urge to get 2/2 On a Pale Horse) to procc a Blood-Caked Strike with your auto attacks.
So a /castrandom macro with Heart Strike, Death Strike and Blood Strike on one button while sometimes tapping Strangulate, Death Grip and Gnaw on some other buttons might be enough to achieve 2000+ rating! That's ******* awesome! Plus 90% of the people you encounter will assume that you're Unholy specced and won't bother with killing your Ghoul (that's why you don't need Ravenous Dead at all). Just Strangulate someone, Gnaw someone else, pop Hysteria and DRW and laugh your ass off when they realize that you're Blood specced (pro tip: play in Unholy Presence for further confusion).

If you want to hear a really skillful DK singing you should watch this video:



Druid 37/0/34 - THE INSTANT KILLER:

Do you hate cast bars? Do you hate healing cast bars in particular? Then this build is perfect for you. You won't ever see a cast bar unless you really really want to - maybe you'll miss it sometimes. This build allows you to be an owl ("Oh mommy, I always wanted to be an owl!!!") AND be able to heal WITHOUT EVER switching to Bear (lol Godsmak) or Cat Form (why would anyone in their right mind want to look like Zilea's sex toy?). You can just keybind Moonfire on 1, Insect Swarm on 2, Tab on 3 and play with one hand while running around like a retard in Moonkin form. One-armed Vietnam war vets can also play this build and be successful. Talk about a bigger audience for your game, Blizz!
Okay, now for the tricky part: Sometimes someone will require a heal from you. Now you might need another hand if your keybinds are ****** up. You'll need to switch into caster form quickly and click Rejuvenation and then Swiftmend. The idiot is still dying? Oh, it's me? ****! What can I do? - Don't lose it now! Use your pro Nature's Swiftness/Healing Touch macro and you should finally be able to continue pew-pewing in Moonkin Form.

Even Serennia considered rerolling to Moonkin after someone revealed to him that Asians are owls:

Hunter 12/21/38 - THE MELEE RAPIST:

Levidian approves of this build and promised me to use it. You should do the same! It's the perfect opportunity to show those stupid melee classes that no one needs them!
Aspect of the Dragonhawk alone gives you a whopping 24% dodge with talents. Plus you get 10% extra stamina, 15% agility and 3% parry chance to further prove your superiority! It's almost a permanent Evasion! Who needs Rogues now? Just Wing Clip/Scattershot that pesky Rogue and Counterattack his ugly face if he tried to hit you before. Put a big arrow and Viper Sting on him so that he is easier to click and start rolling your face on the keyboard. If he somehow manages to run around your Freezing Trap ("damn, that AOE is just too small!") just rinse and repeat until he drops or logs off.
If anything goes wrong: Open your skill book and click Disengage, then Deterrence, then Readiness. Wait 5 seconds. Click Disengage again, then Deterrence again. PHEW that was a close one! Stupid teammates!

Levidian's Hunter FAQ - Part 2:

Mage 22/46/3 - THE FIERY ROCKET:

The best thing about this build is that absolutely no one will assume that someone is actually playing fire. Of course, that's only until your pwn their heads with it! This specc is best in the hands of someone with a cool dragon-y name like LOL-Eragon, XXXGodzillaXXX or Balrogz0r.
Similar to my Moonkin Build, you will almost exclusively be spamming instants because everyone in their right mind knows that you just can't cast in arenaz, right?
So what does this build offer you? A permanent 100% mana regeneration for starters, so you don't have to rely on Evocation (channeling a spell is almost as boring and impossible to pull off as casting, so you really don't want to need to do that!). Some seconds before the arena gates open you just tell your teammates to buff you with Pain Suppression, Power Infusion and Trick of the Trades and to hit you until Blazing Speed proccs, then you activate your Rocket Boots and fly over to the opposing team like Captain Falcon on crack. Activate Combustion, spam your "LOL OWNED" chat macro and after some Fireblast, Blast Wave, Cone of Cold, Dragon's Breath, PoM Pyroblast and 2x instant Flame Strike the whole enemy team should bite the dust before they even know what hit them. If some Paladin noob used his imba IWIN bubble, just Blink & Iceblock behind a pillar and wait for the rest of your team to finish the ****** off!

Here's a video of your role model to bring you in the right mindset:

Paladin 13/41/17 - THE MEAT SHIELD:

You always wanted to be the guild's Naxx 25 main tank but everyone prefers those stupid Warriors over you? "Yeah I hate them so much, it's like they have a rage bar and and... I don't." Then it's time to play my Paladin arena tank build! For this build, it's absolutely mandatory for you that you're able to draw aggro from the opposing team, i. e. be the squishiest member of your team. "But how do I do that? I always play with my 2 Rogue friends? THE ENEMY JUST WON'T FOCUS FIRE ME " Easy there mate, just take off all of your armor and the attention will be all yours. Don't worry, you still have enough armor thanks to your shield, Toughness and Improved Devotion Aura but shhh! don't tell them! If they focus fire you with your imba Eye for an Eye talent they will just kill temselves in the end!
It's only after you nailed their heads to the floor when they might realize that you're just smarter and stronger (+15% strength and int!) than them. Plus they just won't be able to control your nerd rage, shield throws and permanent hammering thanks to your -30% to fear, disorients, stuns, slows and +15% movement speed talents! Now you can finally feel free! It's like leaving the house and walking down the street but IN THE GAME! Awesome!

Pro setup - PC in front of the window (best of both worlds):

Post Scriptum: GC strikes again.