Hookers, Tits And Other Stuff ******* Related To WoW

OK so I started off today just like every other day of the week. In the search of the holy grail aka a ******* 2’s partner! Oh I skipped ahead a bit and didn’t introduce myself. My name is Shijima not shigema or shiiijima or my favorite of all, I can’t pronounce your name. I play a Resto druid on the mythical and legendary server of Lighting’s Blade US. That’s right I’m a greengo!

An hour later and 30 of those minutes were spent watching porn, because we all know two on two orgies rarely happen, I changed gears and went looking for a group for this Horsemen event. Blizzard needs to come up with better ****! I killed this mother****** like 5 years in a row and he still does the same ****. Reminds you of your wife don’t it? The ***** won’t give you head and just aggravates you all the time. I’m playing 15 bucks a month and would like to get some excitement out of this holiday event crap, since I can’t get head or sex for that kind of money. Well actually that's a lie - toothless Cindy gives a mean 10 dollar BJ. It happened to be Tuesday and I looked to see how many arena points I got. Yeah arena disappoints me every week almost as much as staring at a fat chick. I just don’t’ want to do it!

I finally give up since everyone has killed this Horseman today and I still didn't get action, so head outside of Org. Yes I like to duel people and no I’m not ******* good at it! Duels for me happen to have a lot of cursing involved in them. I find the regulars outside and challenge good ole Crome! Now when you challenge Crome you get a warning box asking you if you want to do this. I click yes and proceed knowing the **** storm that is coming. Crome is a Destro warlock that hits like male porn star actors bang in porn movies, ******* hard! (Uhaahh...I'm spend)

All of a sudden Durotar gets dark and storms start to form, I’m amazed at how much Blizzard put into the weather effects. Why don’t’ you put some of those great minds together and spend some more development time into give me better **** then ******* barskin. The duel begins after the count down and I take one whole step forward and BAM the duel end for some reason. By Cherley my favorite hooker, what the **** just happened!

I check my combat log to find out that Crome used his “I win button”, it really does exist. You gotta be kidding me, just one short squirt of premature burst was enough to kill me. After that duel with Crome I decide to go at it again, this time with Cherley in mind because the thought of her makes me last longer.

I rethink my game plan and decide on trying something else. I get this warning message again if I want to start the duel like I'm not able to make my ******* own decision, god damn nanny state. I shift into cat and stealth, I'll come from behind like Crome likes it. I wait for the right moment to pop while Crome just stands there. I wait some more and so does he, a few minutes go by and I’m still waiting, 10 minutes later I'm still thinking of Cherley and as I'm about to… surrender, Crome has an afk tag above his head.

Now it’s my time to strike, he’ll never know what hit him, just like Cherley claims after we're done usually... I press sprint and begin my dash to victory, I pounce and bam I’m ******* dead again son of a ***** what the **** happened this time. During all this people out here keep telling me how overpowered druids are. I’m no ******* proctologist and I’m not a super plumper like Mario you dumb nerds, I can’t possibly win with THAT amount of **** flying around. Yeah I’m losing to a ******* warlock that stands there and pve's my ass and I’m over powered you smuggled son of *****? 

After about 10 more duels that spanned a total of 10 sec, which is about the same time these druid hating geeks usually have intercourse - with their right hand,  (pardon me? Oh you’re a double hand jerk off? Alright.) I decided to queue for my favorite BG the zerg you to death WSG. The queue pops and I head into the BG, (On a side note my battlegroup which is Vindications US is ******* horrible. I have lost more BG games then I have played. Shut the **** up when I say it’s possible, it is).

I’m getting ready to run some flags or I think. The BG begins and for the only time throughout the entire game that the horde will group up, my Hispanic ass has a better chance at a KKK meeting then I do in this BG. We all run across midfield and BAM I get sapped. Everyone keeps going and no one stops, ok I’m like" that’s fine" it’s just one rogue right,  Rogue friend let’s dance! To my dismay he beginnings with the most used opener of all time, it’s not cheap shot that would be just to simple. It’s called warrior stun followed by another warrior followed by a hunter and his damn pet charge, by the end of the massacre the rogue that sapped me laughs at me and loots my body. Outplayed, in a WoW bukkake.

******* awesome, I pound the release button like a date on prom night. I find myself at the graveyard cursing about how ******* stupid warriors and pets are. WoW is going to drive me to start drinking some hard booze and drugs, maybe even kool aid. I rez with renewed hope of a chance to succeed and I’m ready to rock and roll again. Sadly the group that had went for the flag happened to be coming out of the flag room and saw me mounting up and here goes the ass beating again, as if I owed them money… Maybe I do, I'm a mexican after all. Like I care.

After a very long 20 minutes because the flag holder happened to be some random tank who got bored today and decide it would be funny to play WSG in his tanking gear with 3 healers to keep him alive, which is about as enjoyable as having down syndrome for a day. My guess - It wasn't just for today. I get out of WSG and roll my face on the keyboard. This article goes out to all you new players out there, welcome to World of Warcraft… It's a bit like Cherley, ugly but sufficient for the occasional horniness and at the end of the day we still pay to *** back.

So let’s recap, I Shijima a Resto druid on LB am overpowered, in the minds of other people. Bgs are awesome to play, when your ******* high as a kite. Hookers are good and everyone should have one! Blizzard built the greatest MMO ever, but they ****** up everything in the game, and we are all still hooke(re)d to this *****. I deliver, Verdak doesn't.

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World of Warcraft, PvP

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