A Kentuckian View of Rogues

Hello. I am just a simple pig farmer's son from Kentucky but I love World of Warcraft. I play WoW like no other -- from dusk, when the rooster crows, and until dawn after washing up after the family dinner of squirrel meat and rock soup.

My family, well, they all play WoW, too, in representation of our family values. My sister, Minor, played Mage before she was burned and beaten to death on a Weekly Witch Hunt.  My brother, who poaches Black Panthers and eagles, plays the Hunter class and loves it. Well, that is to say, he use to love it during 3.0. Known as Levidian, he constantly lobbied both the Damage Dealing and Hunter forums for buffs to revert his class into a gimmick. Unlike my sheep rapist brother however, I am here to propose modest buffs and nerfs for the benefit of the game before benefitting my class. For I am the Rogue of my family, the one who pioneered Noblegarden Egg Hunts and later the Noblegarden Knife Fights.

In hopes to appease all non-rogues to listen, I will begin with the Nerfs:

Rogue Burst upon Openers:

At Kentucky Mountain Bible School, I learned two things. The first being never let Rogue openers exceed 20000 damage before the Cheap Shot fades. The second thing I learned was to kill any McDonalds if I ever found one living in Kentucky.

Despite Rogue claims, Mutilate burst is still ridiculous. However, Blizzard already scaled Mutilate twice: Backstab glyph nerf (-30% damage) and Mutilate nerf itself (-20% damage). But wait -- Rogues still drop full resilience, high armor players faster than a possum in a mosquito trap.

The problem lies here: Bandit's Insignia, Darkmoon Card: Death, and Pyro Rocket Gloves all do insane amounts of burst when compared to alternatives in the gear sockets. Pyro Gloves enchant VS 44 AP? 1500-1700 Damage every 45 seconds vs 44 AP? A Rogue shuts up faster than a girl in Math class when asked if this is fair. For when I equip these trinkets and to do 2000 + 2000 (4000) damage off the global, my opener burst jumps like a bull frog on June asphalt just before it dies. That smarts, Rogues.

When I graduated Kentucky Mountain Bible School and moved onto greater pastures of Kentucky Mountain Bible College, I learned a few more things. This was when my brother Levidian began struggling in Science class and started doing Hill People drugs. He would come up to me after getting 2600 rating.. trembling, quivering  and murmuring: "Explosive Shot.. it's like my stuns and damage are trying to hug my brain." I was worried. I contacted Ghostcrawler by Owl Post to nerf hunters for the sake of my brothers health.

When I studied Science, the Old Testament was my favorite part. I learned many things in the old T. that Levidian would later regret not knowing, like for instance how to write in Hebrew to appeal to the Jewish developers. Then after reading the poem Romeo and Juliet before our Pastor burned it, I learned one one very important aspect of WoW:

Poisons do in fact kill people.

Poison damage in PVP should be normalized. When I open on my good pal, Lickerzz, a shaman in full resilience (I consider full to mean atleast 1000), we noticed something. My crazy 2350 Furious Weapons did not as much damage as I was hoping for, but my double wound did over 50% of the damage I did in a Cheapshot-Kidneyshot. Jiminy Christmas! More than my Mutilates and white hits. More than Eviscerate which crit for over 9000. Contrasting this damage to other damage that is also not mitigated by armor, like Darkmoon Card and Bandits, I did well over 70% of Lickerzz's health before the Kidney Shot faded. I comforted Lickerzz.. "There's nothing to be ashamed of except for our bodies. Blizzard will fix me, believe in the power of Blizzard."

Altogether, a consideration of these damages would tone down the Rogue's opener. These are not intended as the "End-All, Be-All" Rogue fix, but something to consider before overhauling fundamentals of the class. Even then, without regarding these items, Rogues would still do massive amounts of unmitigated damage on openers.

Indirect Rogue Buffs

Ghostcrawler already announced Thorn-like auras were being redesigned as they blatantly counter rogues more than intended. This buff alone warms my heart more than a Beatles Bonfire.

It should be more widely known these auras do deserve a proactive hot fix. My druid (Daays) who I 3v3 with on Tinafeyy, my alliance Tichondrius rogue, has thorns that hit over 500 a click. With my education, I can safely call this a Passive Retaliation from a class that has no regard to the damage they do: They safely use instant HoTs in tree form without knowing they're killing rogues. It confuses me more than Boggle Night why a healing class who is virtually immortal (Jesus) has attacks like these.

There are more considerations to fine tune the rogue class; however, a lot of petitioned buffs would blatantly OP the class. Now if you'll excuse me, the raccoon meat just finished cooking and my Bible Trivia team won't win the Moses Memorial Medal by themselves.

shindo out