A Sit Down With KazzTaur, The Nerd Cruncha

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KazzTaur, also known as "LL Cool Kazz (Da Nerd Cruncha)" and member of "Da MySpace *****z", has been making waves throughout the Internet recently. First, he had the honor of being called one of the five biggest morons on MySpace. After feeling dissed, KazzTaur released a statement calling out the "neRdz who took part in makin this to step UP and DO SomEthin."

According to his biography, the level 60 Shaman World of Warcraft player has been stomping nerds from a young age, all with the help from the almighty one. "KazzTaur grew up with a single black mother in Brooklyn, New York. By age 9, disgusted with the nerdization of his hood, he began to rebel. Taking a stand, he understood it was God's will that Kazz rid the world of nerds in this country and return it back to it's fundamental days of gangsta glory."

The following is an exclusive interview with the man himself, without editing (sorry if your eyes hurt):

GameRiot: What led you to first get into nerd crunching? How did you climb your way to the top?

Kazztaur: WelL, My Mom was IN an AmbuLance During laBor wit me n da ambulAnce was CarjaCked, day ThreW mah mom On da streEt o BrookLyn When I was Born, I EarnED rezSpect on da streET when I Fought in Ma first GanG war at aGe 12. I kilLed a Whitey wit ma Brass KnuCkz at Age 15. But I iz alWayz been sik o white neRdz talkin TraSh in GenerAl on da net, So i Dun Made A MYspACe and I iz gun have dur reSpect one way o anotha.

GameRiot: How have you increased your nerd crunching ability over time?

KazzTaur: WeLl B, I Wuz TraineD by 3 LegEndary Felons in GrAnd LarCeny wheN I was born I RemEnba I crunChed ma First nERd wit dem, We GrAbbed Some NerD in a PC stoR and CraCked a Monitor Ova his head, Day TaughT me all I Kno. I waz KiCked outtA skoo at a Young age n Shyt so day tAught me STreet smartz. Even Tho All 3 of em B on Death RoW now, I iz livin day dreaM. I Work Out 5 TimEz a day ta keep my Muscle TonE n StreET fight CrackAz.

GameRiot: Do you have any tips for up and coming gangsters?

KazzTaur: Ayo, Da Life I leaD as A CrunCha Aint Eazy. If You GonA FighT neRdz u gotsta Prepar fo enDlezz Wave of Doz crackajakz.. Man, Eva sinCE i maid diz myspace, everY day I get Non Stop CrackAz messAgin me Tryin ta bring Me dawn, U gotSta StAY loyal to yo Crew N Bust a Cap In Any NErd you SEe, Dont HesItate. I iz neva guna stop FightIN da gud FighT vs. Nerds

GameRiot: Tell us about your bangin' WoW team and the crew with you.



KazzTaur: Ayo Well I dun STaRted in a GuiLD I dun STarTed to spam day main MessAge ForuM, man I aint neVa seeN so ManY NerDz in one Game. I BeCAm FamOUz on da SerVer And GoT sPammEd everyDay, I wenT to TranSfer wit a Buncha Mah Homiez in prison who plaY on AkAma duRin day free time. But I gotstA shoutout to Dizee, Livewire, RhaG, N othA crACkaz who HelpEd me Get StArted

GameRiot: As a Shaman, what are your main nerd crunching tactics?

KazzTaur: aYo I use da eerth shock skeel ta fuk dem casTaz awp n da skurred kraKaz dat try ta rUna way i frosT shock dem krakAz. den i PiMP smacK da neRdz n dey iz ded by deN

GameRiot: What do you say to all the haters who think you're not a gangster because you play WoW?

KazzTaur: Yo Man Diz hur be a Big ConTraVerSy, I iZnt out ta Play WoW mah Goal AlwayZ be ta CRUNCH NerDz. If da White CrackA gonNA go hunt Deer He Go to Da WoodS where Day Roam, If I iz gun CruNCh nERds i Go WherE all da NerDS roam. IZ simplE az dat. TruE ganGstaz du what day gotSta du ta get thA jOb done. I oNce PuNchEd an old Cracka in a Wheel Chair While Mah boi Pushed Him Down A flight o stAirz fo his PS3. no HEsitatioN in dA Life of a Cruncha.

GameRiot: Do you think they're just jealous?

KazzTaur: O CouRse Day is JealoUz, even Do da Lyfe Of a CrunCha Like Mahself iz tough wit ChallEngez u besT BelIEve it has BeneFit 2nd Da WomEN be ENdless yo, I getsa new CrunCheTe eVury NiGht. I gots ConNectionz fo all da BesT dealz on StolEn guds. I got A BodY dat WhiTeyz go to a GYm 7 day a Wek in styl cant Get. I Make Mo Money dan Day Eva see witOut goin Ta Colege, Damn It does feel Gud to be a GangSTa.

GameRiot: Can you crunch all these playas' in PvP WoW?

KazzTaur: Well dis b Why I quit Befo da expansion NerDy crusAde hit I was CruNchin da sCene. Man PvP was Sorta Fun Yo I use to StamPede NerDz like dat Scene from da lion king. BlizZard is Racist n gave Da Whitey Customaz ResiliEnce so day can compete wit da blAk men like mahSelf n maDE exploits fo dem in ArenAz. WoW iz a joke is whY me n ma Crew Left dat.

GameRiot: Who are your favorite rap artists and why don't you like rock music?

KazzTaur: WelL mah FavOrite RappER is Gotta Be 50 CenT. We got Alot In ComMon, we BoTh ben Shot SeverAl Timez and we kep on bein Gangstaz, we Both gEt da Same Mount a women. HiZ music RealLy speAk to me yo, I remEnber when I waZ Fightin Some WhitE Geek Da song "P. I. M. P" starTed playin n I knOcked him da nerd da fuk awt. An RoK Music is Bad yo Cauze it Da RootZ of da Crackaz. Man I Cant CouNt hoW many White NerDz i dun beat up wit some Ozzie o black sabbAth shirt. Day iz not cool in da gangSTa GenERation. Dats What We in, Da GeneRation of da Gangsta, Im KeepIn it Real, Follow Suite. PAyCE.

GameRiot: Thanks Kazz.

When KazzTaur called out Digg, several users translated his diatribe for the good of the Internet. Try it out yourself.