No wai! Plane forgets to use turn signal, the Pope sued by Paladins, pastor rides to church on a helicopter, Disney decides not to endorse pedophilia, and more!

Hello, everyone. Today I've decided to try a different format, hope you enjoy.

Accidents happen: This plane forgot to use its turn signal, and subsequently crashed into another plane. Five reported dead. Don't let this put you off from flying though, as you are probably more likely to get struck by lightning than die because your plane crashed into another. Really! Flying is one of the safest ways to travel. Even Superman agrees.

Helicopter saves pastor 20 minutes: Man, those Christians, they just have the coolest ideas! This pastor was afraid that he might be late to give his sermon, so he took a helicopter and cut the travel time from 30 minutes to 12. Complaints from people living nearby include noise, fear that having a launch zone nearby is dangerous, and that the lack of land in the area makes it a bad place to put it. The pastor has agreed to stop using the helicopter in September. The burning question that this writer wants to know: Can Pastors be charged with conspiracy to commit acts of terrorism? Does the Church pay taxes on helicopters?

Paladins vs Pope: Okay, they're not actually Paladins. These guys are the descendants of the Knights Templar, and they are suing the Catholic Church for $150 billion for assets seized by the Catholic Church seven centuries ago. And people bicker about slave reparations from 150 years ago. Clearly, the Catholic Church must now pay for the sins of its ancestors. Uh, yea.... unlikely. "The Vatican will never reimburse the group, Govan says, because its members cannot prove that they are descendants of the Knights Templar." The land they owned they claim now is worth $150 billion, but if that's the case, my great great grandpa was an Indian and the entire state of Ohio owes all its property taxes to me.

Agent Grandma: This elderly 85 year old lady catches a 17 year old boy trying to rob her. Leda Smith was quite ready to shoot the little punk, but decided to do something even more fun: She made him call the police and turn himself in. I suppose he learned a valuable lesson: Respect your elders, as even an old lady can own a gun.


Disney loves child porn: Disney has decided NOT to encourage pedophiles to "dive in." Recently, Disney was releasing some underwear themed after the pool scenes in High School Musical 2. However, after several folks down at the news office shared some smirks and grins, Disney decided to cancel its plans. Well, I was ready to dive in, but apparently Chris Hansen had other plans.

China sucks: China has received a total of 77 applications to protest, and they created three protest "squares" to where they can do that protest thing. Coincidentally, 74 protests were withdrawn, two were suspended, and one was vetoed. This news comes of course as the IOC declares the Beijing Olympics a "success." Um, right, should I start a list of the failures? Okay, here goes: Lip syncing girl, paralyzed athlete covered up, fake fireworks, cheating gymnastics team, reporters censored, and now this. Tomorrow's story: "Michael Phelps' gold medals made of steel covered with gold, lead-based paint."



In other news: World of Warcraft still sucks. Oh, and there's some magic carpet mount now.