Revenge Of The PVE Nerds

Dearest readers, those who know me well realize the low estate in which I hold WoW's "Don't Stand in the @#$!! Fire" Dragon nerd community.  It's not that they spend days mastering simple tasks for which full length walkthroughs exist, or that they require endless weeks of practice to defeat unchanging AI written by bored devs.  I mean, we're different but in the end we're the same, right? After all, PVE and PVP are equally challenging, just different. For example, we PVPers (like myself, a FURIOUS DUELIST) measure our loot via arena points whereas PVE Champions measure their chance at RNG loot via Dragon Kill Points (DKP). Totally the same... or is it?  Every time I think the dragonslayer nerds are just like everyone else I realize, as I did this week, that they truly are a breed apart.

Vault of Scripted Sorrows, Part II
As usual my story begins in the tempest that is Vault of RNG Sorrow. Maybe it's just my backwater server on Nightfail, but this is my second post that begins with a PVE nerd raging over lolVault.  I, badge geared pro PVE tank that I am, was brought in to tank mighty Koralon. I know, I know, this is an incredibly challenging encounter that will test me to my very limits.  I know there are a lot of gladiators and fellow PVPers here, so let me brief people on how difficult this fight really is.  The entire strategy and execution depends on one very exacting maxim:

DON'T STAND IN THE @#$!!! FIRE

So after three brutal minutes of hard, sweaty man's work, tanking like the PVE nerd champ that I am, Koralon falls.  You simply must imagine the difficulty of avoiding the stationary pools of fire created at preset intervals by static AI.  Jackpot!  PVE T9 lolret legs drop.  Now, I play protribution in arena this season so naturally I rolled on them because they were a huge upgrade over the lolhateful I had.  Alas, apparently this was an unforgivable act that sealed my PVE fate for Arygos-Nightfail PUGs... forever!

You see, there was a PVE nerd of the nom de guerre of Maximoose, Champion of the Scripted Wastes, who played lolret during his evening dragonslaying nerd forays.  He became irrational and irate when he lost the roll to me.  His nerdraging was classic, if somewhat predictable:

Maximoose tells the raid : I DESERVED THOSE LEGS YOU GREEDY A$$HOLES!
Maximoose tells the raid : I ONLY HAVE T8.5, ROMA YOU @#$@!!! *****!
Romavictor tells the raid : **Furious Duelist Roma, please, respect the title if not the man.
Maximoose tells the raid : I'M GOING TO FILE A TICKET WITH A GM!
Maximoose tells the raid : YOU'LL NEVER RAID AGAIN ON ARYGOS, MOTHER@!!@!@#!

And so on.   He raged semi-coherently for about 2-3 minutes before he finally left the raid as we were engaging Emalon, another incredibly challenging scripted encounter about which the very bards write sagas.  I thought I had put this sad encounter behind me but, alas, the vengeful memory of PVE nerds is eternal, and unsleeping.

Payback, She Is Le *****
It always comes back to loot, and standing (or not standing) in the @$#!! fire.  So this evening, weeks later, I'm invited to tank for an Ony 25 raid.  It was a nice break from homework so I accepted.  Little did I know the horrors that were in store for me or the hot vengeance that awaited!  I received a summons to Ony's Lair and moments later I arrived, filled with trepidation at the prospect of another grueling, difficult PVE endeavor before me.  For those not familiar with a 5 year old preset, static encounter, let me briefly spell out the stratagem you must employ to defeat this pinnacle of hardcore PVE raiding:

DONT' STAND IN THE @$!!! FIRE

So I show up and... I'm removed from the raid.  I blink, confused for a moment, tears welling in my gorgeous belf eyes.  And then the full measure of PVE nerd vengeance struck!


I Am Put In My Place!

I was devastated, nay, heartbroken.  My selfish greed on an open PUG Vault roll the previous week had cost me a slot in a PUG Ony 25 raid!!!!... FOREVER!  Alas, there are no upgrades for me in Ony 25 anyways, but I enjoy running it for fun.  I think perhaps, dear readers, that this then is the true devastation of his mad revenge : Maximoose, Champion of the Scripted Wastes, dastardly dragonslayer PUGger that he is, has cost me a chance at fun... for one night!

And so I write tonight's entry with a heavy heart, world weary and ashamed.  Will I ever find enjoyment or fun in this game ever again? Can my heart ever be whole again?  Will I ever truly be able to look myself in the mirror and accept that I am a man, a REAL man?

Oh that's right, I play arena. Nevermind.

DON'T STAND IN THE @$!! FIRE.

/4 Tank/Heals LFG Ony 10/25

Heh.

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