9 Ways to please Your WoW Geek (or How to Get your Girlfriend to Call You The Flawless Victor IRL)

One thing that's infamous about WoW (and the MMO genre in general) is how addictive it is. This is nothing new and has been chronicled in various mediums since the dawn of time. One particular phenomenon I'd like to explore is the massive amount of WoW hate generated due to the game's tendency to cause many relationships to spontaneously combust (or even crumble). I will also be exploring possible solutions to keep future relationships from succumbing to the same fate.

Now, I know the members of the World of Warcraft PvP Community™ are generally leading experts on how to deal with women. Like this guy. After all, there's no better practice than managing to stutter a few incoherent sentences at the local LAN party to the one average looking girl present. No, this is not the article for the WoW e-hero studs on the SK-100. This is the article for the players who aspire to be like The Great Ming, who found love through WoW and was consequently spared the unfortunate fate of having to buy a Real Doll. This is for the WoW player who has a girl that just doesn't understand.

I'll focus on the latter first. Take our first example:

"Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML"

Now, sure. One could make the argument that if a guy is more willing to play a game than sleep with you, that he's not really into you. Let's ignore that and pretend that he is. There are a number of ways to get a WoW player's attention.

1. Cosplay (Bonus Points here if you're an Asian female)
2. Call him in-game titles followed before or after his real name
3. Tell him that his high amount of achievement points are sexy
4. Whisper sweet nothings in his ear about how WoW PvP will be perfectly balanced one day
5. Tell him that you did tonight's cooking daily just for him, without the 13g cost to him.
6. When he plays his Druid/Ret/Warrior cleave team and loses to Holy Play, tell him it's because they're both skilled comps
7.Reassure him that no matter how low his arena ratings get,  you'll never leave him for Vance
8. During intercourse, play Shaunconnery's XFire stream and shout in the most stereotypical Asian voice you can muster, "USE YOUR NIKE SHOOOOES!!!" This won't make sense to you, but trust me, he'll like it.
9. If he plays a warrior, roll (or ebay) a druid.

All you have to do is any of these steps above, in any order you choose, and you will avoid this:
WoW is Ruining my marriage! Good luck.

Now. What about the guys who don't have a girl? Fear not! Demographically speaking, there are about 5 men to every woman in WoW, giving it the highest probability of any game community for you to find Geek Love™.

There are a couple of limitations. Such as: how can you tell that the player behind that cute Blood Elf in Black Mageweave dancing on the Orgrimmar mailbox is REALLY a girl? Honestly, you can't. If you're on Tich, it's probably Whiteshadowz on his alt.

Your best bet is to try your approach after you've heard her voice on vent. It's not the same as a RL pic, but sometimes, you've gotta take your chances. After you've (hopefully) confirmed the player is female it helps to work on your game. Even with a 5:1 ratio in an MMO, there might be a chance that one of those guys are Way ******* Cooler than you are.

These guys are the Beastly Alpha Males of WoW and your competition. They have 22k achievement points, all the greatest PvP gear 2 seasons before it comes out, arena ratings over 9000, 500 vanity pets, 300 mounts, 2100 titles. In real life they look like you want to look, **** like you want to ****, they're exalted IRL with your mom, sister, grandmother and your dog Molly. They are the amalgamation of Vin Diesel, Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, Dan from Street Fighter and every character Samuel Jackson has ever played.

Scary, right? The good thing is that the guys described above only exist in your head. Otherwise, you'd be pretty much ******. Really. It's simple guys. Women, even gamers, are people just like you. Talking to them is no different. If you get to know her, get to like her, don't be a douchebag. Don't stalk her, either. Think of it this way: you already have something major in common. There is no game, other than the one Blizzard made. Relax, sit back, chill and get your WoW mack on.

P.S. My girlfriend likes to trim my dreadlocks as if I'm her personal, living bonsai tree.