The Top 10 Failures in WoW

So Ming approached me with the idea of writing for his blog on a weekly basis and being someone that never turns down an oppurtunity at easy money, as well as being the amazing writer that I am, took the offer with fairly open arms. Because his goal is to expand his blog to reach a wider range of audiences yet still producing the same amount of hits and retain the current readers, I figure I'd debut with something a bit more interesting than Jasi's 37th Warhammer hype blog or another tired-out BG9 article. So without further ado, I present to you my Top 10 Failures in World of Warcraft.

Being that this is my own personalized list, you may or may not agree with the selections or severity of failure of each of said individuals, but in all likelihood, I don't give a rat's ass! If you think you can make a better list, do it in your own blog. That said, on to the list:

10. DOOM SQUAD - Horde guild of Stormscale EU:

This guild is home to all those big names you see on Warcraft Movies including Dilir, Chrillie (The Fat Cow), and Noone. These guys are the definition of your typical "pvp video superstar" stereotypes, creating all of these flashy videos which are basically highlite reels or recorded ad nauseum until all of the stars align and they land that clutch CS/vanish/iceblock, etc. However, after attending a couple tournaments now with the Nihilum crew, as well as WWI Paris with the SK EU Zombies team, I had a chance to ask them about how good DOOM SQUAD really was, and I honestly think they couldn't tell if I was joking or not. That said, let's look at a few of the "big names" from the guild that make those platinum videos on Warcraft Movies and see how they're faring in arena this season:

Dilir - http://eu.wowarmory.com/character-sheet.xml?r=Stormscale&n=Dilir

Steeeeeeeeriiiiiiiike one: No arena teams, season two shoulders, season two spellblade, awful gemming, need I say more?

Noone - http://eu.wowarmory.com/character-sheet.xml?r=Stormscale&n=Noone

Although not quite on the same level of awfulness that Dilir embodies, this mage of triple platinum status is still sporting season three vengeful shoulders as well as a top team rating of 2102. And that rating comes from their 5v5 team running the ever-so-innovative euro-comp with an amazing 71% win ratio. But hey, at least he owns warlocks in duels, right?

Chrillie (The Fat Cow) - http://eu.wowarmory.com/character-sheet.xml?r=Stormscale&n=Chrillie

And finally, possibly the biggest failure in the guild would be Chrillie, also known as "The Fat Cow." Look pal, I don't care if you're feral, balance, resto, dreamstate, or some bastardized tri-spec: druid isn't hard to play. I'm pretty sure half the competant gladiators out there could faceroll their way to gladiator, a title you failed to achieve, on a druid character if they had one provided to them. But judging by his 2v2 team running feral druid/rogue and sporting an impressive 57% win ratio, I think Chrillie should be taking a few more notes from Deep 6. Here, I'll even help you out with a link being the humanitarian that I am:

http://warcraftmovies.com/movieview.php?id=72847

9. Retrodruid - Former Alliance druid of Tichondrius US:

Retrodruid was an Australian female leader of a guild on Tichondrius Alliance named RoaR. Retrodruid decided that the first Sulfuras in the guild (back when Sulfuras was a big deal) would be hers, by virtue of her self-proclaimed work for the guild and never thought for a second that taking it would be bad. Some of her guildies were less than pleased when she expressed this sentiment in guild chat. Of course, that was only chat at the time.Until the Eye of Sulfuras dropped, and she took it, just like she said she would. /gquits ensue. WoW boards on Tichondrius and across the land light up. RoaR's ventrilo server is invaded. And Retrodruid gives an explanation that she hadn't trusted her guildmates after an incident over a year earlier - and cries sweet, sweet tears. In true WoW drama tradition, screenshots ensue, showing Retrodruid to be a somewhat homely woman probably in her thirties. Unkind remarks are made comparing her to Jabba the Hut, Shamu, and other such rotund favourites. Sadly, most of the original threads have died in the move to the new official forums. However, one legendary YTMND remains of her dubious misfortune:

http://emodruid.ytmnd.com/

8. Annihilatex - Alliance Warrior of Dragonmaw US:

Annihilatex was previously known as Annihilate of Frostmane US. Annihilate used to be a male night elf warrior in season two and ran primarily warrior/paladin 2v2 and warrior/paladin/mage 3v3. After transferring to Frostmane myself and completely and utterly embarassing him in both brackets as well as duels, he continually proclaimed that all of my wins over him as well as my entire success was due to having the racial ability, Escape Artist. Having said that, he actually rerolled a gnome warrior late season two and started playing it more heavily in season three. He failed miserably, as expected, and transferred off to Dragonmaw where he played with Vorrent for a short stint and got carried to the top ranks in a couple brackets of arena. Although the reason is unknown on why they eventually split, one could only assume that it was because Vorrent finally realized how absolutely atrocious Annihilate really was, taking tunnel vision to a new level. If there's even just one thing that needs to be said about this chump, this thread can do it for me:

http://www.warfront.org/forums/showthread.php?t=806

Yep, he seriously punched out his computer monitor after losing a duel to a hunter.

7. DIE - Former Alliance guild of Illidan US:

DIE, short for Death's Imperial Entourage, was a large (read: zerg) guild in the original WoW beta. Their fearless leader, Grayrage, was basically their dictator and he led with an iron fist alongside his girlfriend (now wife) Lisa. Acting like huge elitist ******** in beta because of the size of their guild, Greyrage figured that his "success," (if you can even call it that) would carry over to live. Unfortunately, yet not unexpectedly, they had become the laughing stock of Illidan server after release. They would world buff and flask for arranged PvP events yet still get embarassed and, often times, flawlessly beaten. They were consistently behind the competition on the server in regards to progression, and simply got downright embarassed in every regard after the amount of **** they talked being an original beta guild. They always got wrecked in organized BG's, as well as nostalgic BRM raids. One of the more famous ones was recorded by Blood Legion and Team Ice destroying the DIE zerg in BRM one day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETV0QdV-rrw

And another great one here showing them losing a flasked 5v5:

http://wotisroam.com/5vflask.zip (it's safe, don't worry)

That said, you can see from their website (http://www.die-guild.org/) that they've since moved on (read: laughed off) to other games. Their most recent being Age of Conan where they not suprisingly failed miserably. Hopefully their debut in Warhammer will be on a PvE server or Grayrage just might see two people on his ventrilo server permanently.

6. Superpaul - Horde Warlock of Dark Iron US:

This self-proclaimed "best warlock ever" (and proclaimed by other people as seen here: http://wowriot.gameriot.com/blogs/Benjis-Blog-of-Awesomeness/Best-Warlock-in-the-World-Arena-Video) that everyone raved about on Shadowburn battlegroup released a paladin/warlock video during season one showing almost nothing but skillful tab dotting. During season two, he teamed up with Prone (later to be known as Pronne, the druid that played with Neilyo on Tichondrius) and attained yet another 2v2 rating of over 2700 as druid/warlock (hard comp). Their relationship came to a burning end though, however, after playing in the CGS 2v2 tournament together. According to Pronne, Superpaul played terribly, wasn't devouring or spell-locking worth ****, and being an all-around scrub. After being eliminated from the tournament and throwing their blame back and forth, Prone called it quits and has never spoken to Superpaul since. Where has he been without Prone you might ask? As usual, armory comes to the rescue:

http://www.wowarmory.com/character-sheet.xml?r=Dark+Iron&n=Superpaul

Yep, peaking at a rating of 1910 right now, it's pretty safe to say that Prone's back needed a rest from carrying him so much, hence his move to Tich.

5. Fura - Former Horde Mage of Smolderthorn US:

Fura was the "eFamous" female undead mage from Nightmare's Asylum that earned all of his glory from his videos that he created. Admittedly, they were produced well, but videos can only take you so far, as his story dictates. After Nightmare's Asylum blazed through Blackwing Lair, with the first recorded Chromaggus kill (Z-axis exploited when he only did ignite flesh and incinerate breaths), as well as several very early kill movies for many bosses including Nefarian, Fura then left NA for what seemed to be greener pastures with Curse guild (later to be known as Meet Your Makers and now SK Gaming, the best PvE guild in the world). Fura joined Curse before AQ-40 progression, and slowly progressed through the ranks of the guild until he was eventually made the guild leader. After raiding with Curse for quite a while, he was eventually kicked. The reasons and enormous drama as a result of it were explained in this article written by the guild leader of Curse:

http://wow.curse.com/forums/details/19022/

The best part of it was the direct cause of his removal from Curse, which is stated toward the end:

"We told fura everything that we thought and that he had to step it up that was basicly that he had to stop slacking and start caring . He didnt take it very well but said that he will step things up. The next day things started with him coming 45min late to the raid and while we just killed Faerlina he wrote in the officer channel "Kick someone so I can join and loot the splinters". And the way things always are in Curse is that if you come late unannounced you dont get a raid spot like that. And also Me/Mysth and Mek agreed on that it was better for Infected(Cross realm Recruit that already had 18 splinters when he transfered) To get the staff since it would give more to the guild to be sure to get it before the expansion. Fura didnt respond anything to this and asked a mage to leave for him, He came in and the raid was going fine until Loatheb was dead(First splinter dropped since Fura joined). Fura looted it without saying anything.

Mysth started with asking why he looted it when we agreed on that Infected was supposed to get it, and he responded "Yeah I saw your opinions/suggestions and thats basicly all they are, Im the leader and I decide what happens, and its time for you to understand this". And this is just pure bull**** coming from a guy thats not even involved enough to be an officer telling this to Us 3 that has basicly done most of the work and will continue to do it. Fura moved Me/Mysth/Mek up to the Meeting channel on vent and started screaming that he decides everything, every decision will go through him, he is the leader, he is the greatest, he deserves it blablabla. And Mysth just bluntly asked him "give us a reason for us not to remove you as GM" and he answers "Because Im the leader and you are nothing". And then Mysth kicked him from the raid (Mysth/Mek/Me is ALWAYS raidleader because Fura doesnt even know how to make groups). And fura responded by kicking Mysth from the guild, Mysth being a Co-Creator of Curse even back before WoW came out in DaoC And has worked his ass off to get the guild where it is right now.. Can you be more disrespectful?

Then we basicly told him that this cant go on and that we would demote him, He jumped down to the main channel on vent starting to talk **** about us like he did in his post so we Removed him from vent and told the guild what was going on(This was during the Deathknight Wing Trash). He started writing **** in the Priv channel on irc and banned me/mysth and mek from the forums and just logged off ingame without giving away the leadership. We finished the raid after Razuvious as usual and after that It took around 4h for him to log back in and give the leadership back to the guild since he refused to give it to anyone of us. Thats ALL of on how it went down the night he got removed."

Besides that, I also got a chance to talk to Mackzter today on MSN about fura, to which he responded with:

Markus says:

he was a bad player, below average. all he got famous for was his movies really.. the guild was definatly better without him, basicly as a leader you have to have respect from everybody in the guild and he had none

Markus says:

he was made a leader because Net(the first guild leader of Curse) knew him and knew his "success" in Nightmares Asylum, and when Net was quitting he wanted someone "famous" that could continue giving Curse a good name. PR pretty much

Markus says:

then it was me, mysth and mek that was officers at the end of naxxramas...or maybe right after that decided that we didnt want anything to do with him.

Following removal from Curse, he rejoined with Nightmare's Asylum post-bc and they, for some reason, gave him the spot of guild leader back in the guild. After progressing a small amount through SSC with him leading again, he apparently quit due to RL circumstances, but of all of the NA people that I've spoken to, including Navigator (the previous GM), no one missed him.

4. Athene - Alliance Paladin of Stormscale EU:

Athene is best known for his videos of him proclaiming himself as the best paladin in the world, as I'm sure everyone has seen, as well as his record-time of leveling a new character to level 70. What everyone doesn't know, however, is how he got his Merciless Gladiator title and where he is today. Long story short, Athene received the title of Merciless Gladiator by win-trading with another now-nobody team/guild called GRAMMERPOLICE, Horde guild from Talnivarr EU. You can see evidence of such on the Reckoning Season Two Hall of Fame on the EU Armory:

http://eu.wowarmory.com/hall-ladder.xml?ts=5&b=Reckoning&se=2

That was also when Athene was playing alongside Hydra, regarded as one of the best priests in the world now. After going their own ways with teams, Athene moved to Stormscale EU server much like most of the rest of the competition. However, with Hydra no longer there to carry him, and without GRAMMERPOLICE to leach points from, he quickly became another nobody in the crowd and a complete non-factor during season three arena, as well as moving into season four, as you can see from his current armory:

http://eu.wowarmory.com/character-sheet.xml?r=Stormscale&n=Athenel%C3%B3l

Now I know (from experience!) that paladins are bad and all, but come on, even Zilea can manage 2200, and this self-proclaimed "best paladin" can't even manage 1800. At least he got to keep his awesome title that he didn't earn though, right?

3. Fires of Heaven - Horde guild of Black Dragonflight US:

Fires of Heaven, otherwise known as FoH, is regarded as one of the best raiding guilds in all of massively multiplayer online gaming. Back in their glory days of EverQuest, where they pioneered strategies for any and all raid content, and when guilds wouldn't even ATTEMPT a boss until a full, written strategy guide was released by FoH, they were a force to be reckoned with and highly respected guild. Their guild leader is a person named Furor. He was active in the EverQuest community and single-handedly got many aspects of the game changed by his vocalness and expressions of discontent on his guild website. His most famous rant was regarding the Plane of Time in EverQuest:

 

"The Plane of Time
2003-05-09 18:50:26 - Furor Planedefiler

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You have 14 Days. If after that time the Plane is not properly tuned, I am deleting my characters, and cancelling all of my accounts. The rest of my guild will follow suit, as will several other guilds and people that play Everquest.

To be brief, I did not work my ass off, jumping through your idiotic hoops with my friends and guildmates, so I could go to a zone where only groups of 18 could enjoy the content. EVEN if past these initial moronic events I can finally get my entire guild in to raid with me, **** YOU GUYS. Seriously, **** YOU.

I cannot believe this... right now I'm just so pissed off. I am sitting here in the Plane of Time, and 3/4 of my guild is just sitting around while a group of 18 is repeatedly trying to beat one of the mini ring encounters. Don't you people have ANY ******* DECENCY? SMEDLEY WHY DON'T YOU STOP COUNTING YOUR MONEY AND START ISSUING ORDERS?

The tragic irony of creating the ultimate cockblock encounter in the form of the Rathe which requires 80 people to defeat and then to limit encounters in the Plane of Time to 18.

14 Days.... after that this site will change from the most popular EQ fan site on the internet to the most popular World of Warcraft fan site on the internet. I'm done playing ball with you useless *******... it's my turn."

Furor also not-so-secretly works for Blizzard Entertainment, helping design many raid encounters and other aspects of the game. I'm sure you've seen his name masked throughout the game in at least a few areas, including "Tigule and Foror's Strawberry Ice Cream" and other such plugs. Fires of Heaven also conveniently received one of the only two free server transfers from PvE ruleset to PvP (Hyjal -> Black Dragonflight); I wonder why? That might not seem so sketchy but maybe the fact that a Phoenix mount dropped on their first Kael'Thas kill and Furor, under the name of Arator on his paladin, received it, as you can see on his armory:

http://www.wowarmory.com/character-sheet.xml?r=Black+Dragonflight&n=Arator

Fast forwarding to WoW days now, I must admit that I did play WoW beta on Horde alongside with Melia (aka Ravvenn) extensively as well as Furor for a short bit. While I had little experience with Furor, I did find playing with Melia to be pretty fun:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v203/elvandar01/WoWscreens/valheru_melia.jpg

That said, the guild has come a long way since their EverQuest golden days to being a complete second-rate (read: terribad) guild these days, still struggling on nerfed content. If you checked out their website (http://www.fohguild.org/) and read their recruitment policy, you'd think that you were either A) applying to a job, or B) applying to a guild that has had Kil'Jaeden on farm for months and top 5 world kills for each boss; yet they've only somewhat recently downed M'uru and still have yet to defeat Kil'Jaeden. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

2. Kurlanz - Former Alliance Paladin of Tichondrius US:

Kurlanz, also known as Impurity from Mug'Thol server, used to play a female night elf priest. Upon transferring to Smolderthorn, he purchased a human paladin to arena with. After Transcendence (the guild he transferred to raid with) broke up and stopped raiding, he transferred to Tichondrius with a bunch of the Transc crew, such as Ohnoes, Zecks, Brazetina, Rafterman, and others. Upon transferring, his human paladin got stolen back by the original owner apparently and he bought another paladin, but a dwarf this time. While there, he played with Brazetina and some other transfer friends but they never really accomplished all that much in arena for obvious reasons (read: Kurlanz sucked). He then began to raid with Easy Company so that he could get PvE gear to hopefully make up for his shortcomings in arena such as any sort of situational awareness, mana conservation, ability to cleanse, or ability to do anything besides turret holy lights for that matter. Luckily for him, 4-piece Crystalforged was extremely overpowered at the time and he happened to have it when I transferred to Tichondrius and played with him in 5v5. Toward the end of the season, there was some team drama with BOP NOW, and the team didn't exist going into season three. While many people may have their own opinions on why this came to be, not many can argue with the fact that Kurlanz was entirely carried by his supporting cast of Azael, Brazetina, Kollektiv, and myself. Evidence of such can be seen in this video recorded by Japeezy, a priest from a 5v5 team at the time named Sideswipe:

http://files.filefront.com/bopnowwmv/;9130359;/fileinfo.html

But surely it was my fault for any of that happening like he entirely blamed me for. Obviously. This failure eventually got his account banned once again and now makes his living off of online poker under the alias of Kelisitaan. At least there, he can't get his accounts banned. Oh wait:

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/member.php?u=93937

1. Swifty - Alliance Warrior of Darkspear US:

Everyone knows Swifty. Mr. Incredible Warrior Tricks himself. Many people idolize him and proclaim him as the best warrior to ever grace the game. In fact, if you Google search "swifty warrior" you get 37,000 results, and if you google "serennia warrior" you receive only 19,000 results. Clearly this guy is amazing, as the fact that he was able to actually charge people to view his second video proves. Even his third video got 375,000 downloads:

http://warcraftmovies.com/movieview.php?id=79223

But the truly hilarious part is the fact that I probably agree 100% with the most recent comment on his 3rd video from Warcraft Movies, which states:

"I liked your first movie but since TBC you just suck. Most of the pvp situations where against low geared opponents ad all you did was spamming ms while getting healed. The trick you showed were basic things that every normal warrior knows except the teleport trick and the latency one. In the multiboxing you fought low geared opponents which didn't had a healer and could be easily 1v2d except the rogues where you just sacrificed you're druid only the arena was "something" but even there you haven't showed any real skill. You're spellreflecting is quite bad too and you didn't dare to show us your keybindings because it probably contains 4-5 abilities"

If you watch his movie, he only films a specific area of his screen conveniently blocking most of his keybinds. What most people don't notice, however, is the fact that you CAN see when his tooltip mouses over something (read: clicks) and it's quite sad honestly. If you go through the video carefully, you can see the astonishing number of abilities he clicks, including challenging shout, weapon swaps, various macros, and battle/commanding shout. That said, I'm honestly rather ashamed that I have less google results than some chump clicker that can't even earn a gladiator title:

http://www.wowarmory.com/character-sheet.xml?r=Darkspear&n=Swifty

But hey, at least he has 260 games played in 2v2 to earn that stellar 1931 rating of his so he must have a ton of eMazing tricks recorded for his fourth installment that will set trends across the world on how warriors play. Swifty, if you ever read this, I just thought you should know that you were a complete joke on PTR, Albis said you were a joke, and all of Albis' friends did, too. Please stop making videos, for everyone's sake, because I hereby dub you the biggest failure in World of Warcraft. But hey, if you want to buy 2200 and/or gladiator from me and Hoodrych, I won't hold any of this against you.

Honorable mentions that might be covered in a future article:

-Sonny of Stormscale EU for losing vengeful glad in two brackets to ZOMBIES (and also threatening to win-trade the rating back from his second team if Boozt didn't queue against him another 7 games) and Nihilum after releasing videos proclaiming his greatness

-Ons of Cho'gall US for being... Ons.

-Pwyff of Ner'zhul US for making druids seem hard to play.

-MoB TurtleForce for thinking Xecks actually played this game

-GC for pushing for #1 on his 12th shaman now

P.S. I would NEVER expect someone to put in a comment that I belong on this list instead. Not in a million years. Suprise me!

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