**** MK3!!1

Or at least the SNES version.



I just wanted to beat the game quick and easy before falling asleep last night so I tried it on easy mode climbing the Novice tower (the short one) with SubZero (the only character I remember how to use) and those ******* still kick my ass hard but only on the first battle. Kabal does the dash faster than I can ice clone and then combos the **** out of me. Kung Lao teleports any time I throw ice, and Sheeva grunts like a ******* shemale.  And it gets stupider: when I use a kredit to kontinue, and fight the same character again, they barely throw a ******* punch. The challenge of the game uncalibrated and predictably unpredictable.







This desire for victory came about after my girlfriend kicked my ass in Kirby's Avalanche. I was doing pretty well in the beginning but she claimed that her
"buttons were stuck" so she shaved off some A button with scissors and
preceded to bury me in those goddamn clear blobs for about an hour
until her eyes hurt. I told her that if she didn't continue to play I
would rape her. She laughed and kicked my ass another round.



 



Pummeled, I was left with a thirt for victory that went unquenched. **** you MK3 for SNES.