Blog Posts from "Fivezorz Blogzorz Blogorama"

Drmayonaise Rages Again, I Already Raged at Millies, Arena Journal, Background Arena Music

Mon, 15 Mar 2010 19:11:42 -0400

Whoever made this is a genius. It looks like it probably took a few months to actually make as well, so kudos to them on a job well done!

I also like it when the man turns into a Man Segway after the fat ass knocks him off the ledge. He turns into a cannon and takes that fat ass out. The bottom segway man has to spread his legs wide so he isnt in line of fire or he will explode them both.

But I really love the double ass slap at 0:10.

This video is magical. The slow motions, the poses in front of the magic mirror, the synchronization, the way he raises his hands in beat/rhythm throughout the entire remix. Whoever made this is a genius.

{f}ivezorz out

Macros, How to Duel Mages, 2v2 with Millies

Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:28:12 -0400

Why? This is the girl's arena bracket designated by Blizzard themselves. They make the same obvious mistakes Millies does and sometimes I honestly wonder if she is dualboxing the paladin we fought who bopped a felhunter to keep it alive. The mage who trinketed an expose armor. The warrior who trinkets sap.

{f}ivezorz out

Keybinds, The Basics, How To Do More than 70 Damage in Arena

Sat, 13 Mar 2010 20:54:37 -0500

Take responsibility for your loss. As you can see, Benys chose to blame it on his partner: But who decides your own partner, after all? You do. The worst losers in WoW are those who have an excuse after every moment after every game to validate their loss by blaming it on someone else. By blaming it on RNG. By blaming it on lag, or gear. Some players, like Neilyo, eventually convince themselves that their losses are actually wins and continue losing to train for tournaments. And as you can see, Neilyo's tournament failures are second to only Happyminti's.

{f}ivezorz out

Tales of the Bloody Rogue

Sat, 13 Mar 2010 00:36:16 -0500

Wrong *****. My hands twisted his head off, breaking his neck in a sharp SNAP! Entrails and intestines and spinal cords were tossing themselves out of his neck and my body was covered with blood and ****. I lifted him off the blizzard mainframe and chucked him into the cauldron of boiling water he was preparing. SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Self Destruct in 30 seconds

Oh ****. I sprinted for the elevator at the end of Ghostcrawler's office and pressed UP. But not before Chumpjohn's fat ass was charging at me and I **** myself. He wanted to save his life using the elevator too, and seeing me, his eyes bulged and he skidded across the floor trying to stop himself but the bloody marble floors kept him sliding across at me like a 10 ton bowling ball. He opened his mouth wide and started yelling AHHHH!!!!!. As I pressed "CLOSE DOORS" on the elevator, I threw a grenade into Chumpjohns fat ass and he swallowed it whole. The elevator doors shut and a large dent imprint of an elephant marked itself on the door. Chumpjohn was finally dead.

I got to the roof top and signaled for my helicopter to pick my fat ass up. I saw it in the distance and an army supatrooper dangling from a rope ladder. He was swinging through the air gracefully with his arms reached out. But from my perspective and depth perspective, it looked like Supa was a little larger than usual..

Chumpjohn and Benys soared with their helicopter at my ass trying to gun me down like on North by Northwest. They were grinning and laughing "**** you fivezorz!!" and shot machine guns RATTATTATA RAT TAT. I shadow stepped up to the platform of the airplane and knocked Benys off to his fortunate death. But the helicopter was going down fast - It couldn't support the weight on board...

"You'll kill us both you fat piece of ****," I yelled at Chumpjohn but he was shrieking and spiraling the helicopter into the blizzard HQ. This was a kamikaze mission. I looked around, panicked, but nothing was coming to me. We were going to die. When the plane finally was 100% vertical, Chumpjohn's seat belt couldn't support his weight and he collapsed through the window as if he had been shot out of a cannon. I reached for the controls and tilted the helicopter to parallel the ground and set off in the direction of the golden horizon.

A Day in the PVE Life, Some Tips for Rogues

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 21:20:40 -0500

We[me and yog] were actually doing a ICC25 with Chumpjohn himself moments before I realized I hadn't blogged for today. as usual, nothing dropped, but it was more than amusing to play with The John himself. Many people in the raid were aware of my current strife with Chumpjohn and were trying to provoke my fat ass to attack him verbally but I didn't even sign on vent for the raid. Besides, I love chimpjohn.

But I digress. After the Ice Queen boss, I realized we ran into a problem. An elevator.. I was actually afraid the elevator wouldn't hold and Chumpjohn would wipe us from crater damage halfway up...considering Kintt broke the elevator in season6 in ROV for a few months.. our raid was so succsesfull, only half of us died on marrowgar!! I didn't want the raid to die on the elevator boss.

But we survived! I have to commend Minor on a job well done: Our Raid actually made it to Deathbringer Saurfang. Chumpjohn refused to fight however because he got upset Minor didn't pass him free loot. He sat pissy on a reindeer during the entire fight. [i highly recommend reading chat logs/looking closely at these 2 pictures]

Chumpjohn PVEing on a reindeer. That link is the PVE Glory Shot.

I'm very, very tempted to fully abuse terribad shaman and get a parachute cloak enchant to really be a skilled disengaging hunter.

{f}ivezorz out

Shindo Drop: 3/11/10, Elephant News, Nostalgic Look Back on GMs

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 21:48:13 -0500

Everyone should recall the massive waves of gear stripping and banning during S3-4, so this was a big question and I wanted a Game Moderator sanctioned response. Game Master Ekield then gave me this link to the customer service forums. Don't even click it, you will never get those seconds in ur life back. I sold PR anyway and still do to this day, so I guess it's not against the rules or they are very inconsistent in their practice of moderating. I feel like the Game Masters don't want to take the responsibility for saying something wrong and then later getting fired/exposed for it. Thus, I advise the Rogues who still don't have Wodin's to sell PR, considering I made 22,500G powering someone to 2200. I was so happy I was literally bouncing up in down in my seat when the bad player traded his freshly bought gold.

{f}ivezorz out

Convention Wrap Up, Lethality Exposes True Terribles

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 13:14:21 -0500

As the train was coming directly at us I started cussing Yog out for the little ***** he is instead of opening side the door to save my life. If i am going to die at the clumsy hands of Max Yueh,I I want to use my dying breath to tell him what a **** up he is. He is one of the few Asians who would rather watch Pride N Prejudice than do physics. The length of time during my skeletal fists clenching his fat Asian neck seemed like eternity. The train was beginning to slow. Luckily I believe Chumpjohn was onboard because the train came to a screeching halt and we narrowly saved our lives and got off the tracks. Not even a 5000 horsepower train can haul 1 Chumpjohn and I thank him for being so obese and saving our lives..

Thank you Chimpjohn

calculations, there is a 99.99% chance these rogues don't even have Eviscerate bound either. Cloaking in a RvR will be a 99% mitigation.

{f}ivezorz out

The Anime Convention

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 22:45:56 -0500

World of Yog

It was good to have Yog around to chat to when I felt emo, but I knew he was backstabbing me and sleeping behind my back with Woundman. I knew a relationship would never be

Then a greasey blonde haired pimply faced kid in a black trench coat and Matrix sunglasses strode in. In an instant, he flashed his ID to the Ginger Elephant. He had been here before, obviously. But he was in need of something different. Regular hentai doesnt even produce enough juice to toss on his wings. His iPod touch was so boring that even the tit bouncing application he programmed was less stimulating than looking at a obese cow in a thong at the convention. So now he's here in the Hentai booth and he knows what he wants.

"DoyouhaveFutanari" the Freak spat out. It was faster than Chumpjohn at his physical when they asked him for his weight.

"Futan-what?" the elephant asked. His eyes bulged.

"Futanari. you know?" the kid looked scared now and worried about what he got his ass into. Me and yog slowly flicked through plastic sealed magazines waiting.

"chickswithdicks"

"Oh yeah its all over here." The elephant pushed 5 pounds of magazines into the kids hands. I caught a glimpse of one which was a bunny with a bigger dick than an elephant. Then I looked at the kid: He had tears in his eyes. Tears of joy. However, it kinda upset me that this Hentai booth runner was a complete amateur. I mean, he didnt know what Rapelay was and he embarrassed that poor freak for not learning his Japanese Hentai code words. He should've been fired.

At this point I had enough of this and let Yog reconvene with his friends. I honestly think Yog kept leaving because he was dressed up as a gigantic tentacle and was too embarrassed for me to snapshot it and post on World of Ming.

Considering we were in downtown Austin, I left the hotel several times. There were plenty of other cooler places to hang out, and I told Yog to meet up with me at one. Yog eventually left and met up with me at a 7-Eleven. He wanted a Bawls and the only thing he could find was a tube filled with energy juice that he begged like a little child to his mother for. I ended up buying it for him and he emptied that ***** in his mouth in one fell gulp. It reminded me of a whale who can eat an entire ton of krill in 1 gape of its gigantic mouth. But an elephant still gets the krill stuck in its teeth. Yog's teeth were blue after this and I didn't even tell him.

TO BE CONTINUED

OK. I will wrap this blog up tomorrow and will analyze (with Ming-like numbers) some talents like Lethality and measure their usefulness in pvp.

{f}ivezorz out

The Hokage Reveals Spec Choices, Priest Dueling

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 03:09:56 -0500

Hello Rogues and aren't you all in for the biggest, legitimate treat I've ever given since Season 2 blogs. Bear with me today, this blog is as bloated as Chumpjohn, but with actual content! Actual usable tips that are more helpful than anything Ming or Reckful could pass on to you. However, lets all agree that Mings last blog was a great come back. wasn't it?

Shindo Drop: 3/4/10, Woundman: ESL 2010's Orangemarmalade?, ESL Recap

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 01:17:27 -0500

TTW rogues(Time to wings)

Again a lot of **** to cover tonight for the blog. First off, a Shindo Drop, a newsfeed that gives you important world news that I ripped directly off websites without them sanctioning it. Then we can analyze the Woundman we saw at ESL 2010 and finally wrap up the tournament so we never have to talk about that piece of **** again until next week.

?? If i could figure out how to do a poll i would, but you can leave your responses in the comments but I think the answer is god damn obvious.

I would like to end this note on a begging order. I am making a pvp movie and need your music! I am looking for electronic experimental. Not rock. Like this

{f}ivezorz out

Scouts Infiltrate Blizz HQ, Patch Notes, Azael Foils Rigged Tournament

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 21:49:10 -0500

TTPTBFWITGDH

Time to pop the biggest ******* wings in the god damn house. A lot to cover today considering new patch notes were released, a ESL Finals is going on,

I didn't even see this until Benys himself messaged it to me this morning and threatened to quit wow and ebay his account like Houndus already has. It didnt surprise me because Benys is the biggest one trick pony warlock since Kigz but Kigz can actually play rogue quite well now. Benys is just learning warlock on the level of Yog that he was in S2.

Bye Benys

-{f}ivezorz out

#2 Australian Retires, Rogue Journal, Realzs weighs in

Tue, 02 Mar 2010 22:42:31 -0500

before I begin I must address the commenters who diligently called my 100% patch (tomorrow) a bluff:

Not everything on this blog is true. I do not want to make a disclaimer on every blog. Use your judgment. My scouts were fed ******* false information by a Ghostcrawler decoy but they will never make the same mistake again. Mark my words: Ghostcrawler will pay. My next call on patch day will be 100% correct.

Everyone wish Realsz good luck on the tournament by mailing him in game!

And i want to end by questioning what is with the new arena items being such ridiculous upgrades. Does anyone think that this one item upgrade is justifiable? Is this why arena is consistently broke?

{f}ivezorz out

Patch Tomorrow 100%, Rogue Subtlety Discussion

Tue, 02 Mar 2010 00:08:27 -0500

since my scouts at blizzard headquarters are doing their job and returning good information, it's come to my attention that Ghostcrawler was interrogated and squealed like a suckling pig that tomorrow is the 3.3.3 patch before my scouts put him out of his misery. That being said, i dedicate todays blog to a serious discussion and dissection of the imminent, underwhelming rogue patch.

Filthy now reduces the cooldown by 5/10 sec and energy cost by 5/10 of your Tricks of the Trade, Distract and Shadowstep abilities and reduces the cooldown of Preparation by 3 min.

This should also increase the range of shadow step and tricks of the trade by 5/10 yards and reduce the cooldown of kick by 2 seconds. In addition, make shadowstep usable while rooted.

Glyph of Preparation should reset Shadow Dance, considering the damage shadow dance outputs is comparable to passive mutilate.

Shadow Dance should remove all snares, considering if you are randomly frostbitten you cannot perform ambush on a target while they're in a full KS.

Serrated Blades should reduce armor of targets passively by 8/16/25% instead of 213.

Feint should make your CC's last 50% shorter while up.

---

Since the patch is tomorrow i've already specced to 14/3/54. everyone can expect to see more rogues in durotar but no rogues executing it past 1800 rating. shadowdance could be viable for RLD but a warrior is already more mobile and does more damage than a rogue in that composition already. any strategy involving pet killing is gone if the rogue is using backstab, as well.

ultimately if you plan on going shadowstep, you can forget about popping wings until you ebay. ghostcrawler must have been tripping out on Beer weed when he truly spat in the faces of rogues after designing and publishing these patchnotes. and being the only rogue who sees through this bull****, it will be my duty to infiltrate and murder every high ranking blizzard commander until all the rogue demands are met and I'm rightfully crowned Hokage.

{f}ivezorz out

Backstabbing, Thieving Liar, Find out who it is, Pro-Rogue thoughts on 3.33

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 10:37:36 -0500

hello everyone. and welcome to 30 days and 30 blogs where i will be covering extensively the cesspool of arena ****e and Blackrock and Rogues and whatever else for the Month of March 2010. Or I will try to if I don't suffer the same fate as last March, when my mother locked my router in a vault after midnight.

Backstabbing Liar Sodah

From the title u would have assumes Sodah would have rerolled to rogue with his recent behavior. But you have to ask yourself: Who would reroll rogue when they are currently rock bottom in Representation and Fun? Where do i begin with this scumbag? sodah, the protege of Trancey, has hit serennia rock bottom. for one he sucks so bad his team starts **** talking immediately after his back is turned after an arena, and i even mean at an MLG tournament too when they chain lost the final rounds Snutzington was ****talking with Venruki on a top secret ventrilo server. Pathetic. Venruki of all people who hasn't broke 2200 since season 3. The worst part is he wont even know until he reads this paragraph – he really believes he has friends.

What changes should be made? maybe i'll discuss this tomorrow

{f}ivezorz out

Do you want to be Sponsored? Read

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 15:12:15 -0500

considering wowriot felt dead lately i felt like blogging and may wrap another series. this blog will focus on the trials and tribulations of getting sponsored so you, The reader, can have the option to fly from Americaon a 10 hour flight for a luxurious weekend in Germany where you will play WOW all weekend.

If you answer any of these, you certainly have the credentials to get sponsored by Pringles or Hot Pocket or KFC or all three.

(answers: A, Yes, Yes, Yes)

The sad reality is that not everyone can be skilled as Chumpjohns fat ass. However I can help you along the way w/ Chumpjohn Sized improvements and spot-on Serennia ****-placed analysis of patch notes and Rogues to literally beef your credentials up to Chumpjon size.

Tip 1: Do Not Watch Movies

This can cause distraction if you are watching Angelina Jolie bounce her credentials on the big screen in Tomb Raider.

Tip 2: Play it to the end
Do not ever give up after 1 of your team mates has dropped. A lot of times in Arena, the other team instantly pops all cool downs because one of their team members has to take a Chumpjohn sized **** and wants to end it real fast. Then they go afk soon after Minor dies within 10 seconds of the gates dropping. At this moment, pop the biggest wings in the house and pull the 1v3. This follows into my next tip:

Tip 4 Bathroom Between Queues (BBQ)

I knew it was over the top for even Chumpjohn to say he was having a BBQ during every match until the scientist inside me figured out he was having ****s from the chemicals all the pringles he ingests. However, even Chumpjohn cant get his fat ass back to the computer after its sat down at the toilet: that is why his mother directly installed a toilet at his computer table. Unless you have to take a chumpjohn sized ****, make frequent trips to the bathrooms during your 10 hour arena ventures. Avoid taking ****s in sock drawer then denying it or you may lose your team mates.

Tip 5: Use Skype Carefully

since you do not have the security of Push-To-Talk, you may want to consider the following:

-Avoid bouncing up and down in your seat in excitement after winning. Chumpjohn destroyed his microphone on accident when his credentials crushed them and his mom wont buy him a new one.

-Avoid crunching Pringles over skype, unless your name is Chumpjohn, in which i've heard his mouth is so full, the crunching and lid popping sounds are his communication for "Bursting" and "Heal me!," respectively. Rumor has it, once Chumpjohn pops wings, he cant stop.

-Venruki and his ******* Futanari. I cant tell you how many times I caught him, atleast 300 times, before I considered kicking him off the roster. Even Kintt himself would be baffled at Venruk'is fascination of Anime chicks with dicks. Among other things like his ****ty personality, this is the reason everyone avoids even being spotted in the same ventrilo channel as him.

Tip 6: Replace your vent Keybinding

You can use this keybinding to bind something crucial like Kick, which up until last month, i've been clicking.

---

When you have Pringles being mailed to you on a daily basis (mind you, the proper 1 foot tubes, not the small tubes) you will start playing better, feeling better, and most importantly, being better at not just WoW, but everything life throws at you.

Developers Smoking Beer Weed?

Sat, 23 May 2009 22:10:55 -0400

Recent Ghostcrawler ****

". believe it!

{f}ivezorz out

A Kentuckian View of Rogues

Thu, 21 May 2009 15:34:34 -0400

Hello. I am just a simple pig farmer's son from Kentucky but I love World of Warcraft. I play WoW like no other -- from dusk, when the rooster crows, and until dawn after washing up after the family dinner of squirrel meat and rock soup.

My family, well, they all play WoW, too, in representation of our family values. My sister, Minor, played Mage before she was burned and beaten to death on a Weekly Witch Hunt. My brother, who poaches Black Panthers and eagles, plays the Hunter class and loves it. Well, that is to say, he use to love it during 3.0. Known as Levidian, he constantly lobbied both the Damage Dealing and Hunter forums for buffs to revert his class into a gimmick. Unlike my sheep rapist brother however, I am here to propose modest buffs and nerfs for the benefit of the game before benefitting my class. For I am the Rogue of my family, the one who pioneered Noblegarden Egg Hunts and later the Noblegarden Knife Fights.

In hopes to appease all non-rogues to listen, I will begin with the Nerfs:

Rogue Burst upon Openers:

At Kentucky Mountain Bible School, I learned two things. The first being never let Rogue openers exceed 20000 damage before the Cheap Shot fades. The second thing I learned was to kill any McDonalds if I ever found one living in Kentucky.

Despite Rogue claims, Mutilate burst is still ridiculous. However, Blizzard already scaled Mutilate twice: Backstab glyph nerf (-30% damage) and Mutilate nerf itself (-20% damage). But wait -- Rogues still drop full resilience, high armor players faster than a possum in a mosquito trap.

The problem lies here: Bandit's Insignia, Darkmoon Card: Death, and Pyro Rocket Gloves all do insane amounts of burst when compared to alternatives in the gear sockets. Pyro Gloves enchant VS 44 AP? 1500-1700 Damage every 45 seconds vs 44 AP? A Rogue shuts up faster than a girl in Math class when asked if this is fair. For when I equip these trinkets and to do 2000 + 2000 (4000) damage off the global, my opener burst jumps like a bull frog on June asphalt just before it dies. That smarts, Rogues.

When I graduated Kentucky Mountain Bible School and moved onto greater pastures of Kentucky Mountain Bible College, I learned a few more things. This was when my brother Levidian began struggling in Science class and started doing Hill People drugs. He would come up to me after getting 2600 rating.. trembling, quivering and murmuring: "Explosive Shot.. it's like my stuns and damage are trying to hug my brain." I was worried. I contacted Ghostcrawler by Owl Post to nerf hunters for the sake of my brothers health.

When I studied Science, the Old Testament was my favorite part. I learned many things in the old T. that Levidian would later regret not knowing, like for instance how to write in Hebrew to appeal to the Jewish developers. Then after reading the poem Romeo and Juliet before our Pastor burned it, I learned one one very important aspect of WoW:

Poisons do in fact kill people.

Poison damage in PVP should be normalized. When I open on my good pal, Lickerzz, a shaman in full resilience (I consider full to mean atleast 1000), we noticed something. My crazy 2350 Furious Weapons did not as much damage as I was hoping for, but my double wound did over 50% of the damage I did in a Cheapshot-Kidneyshot. Jiminy Christmas! More than my Mutilates and white hits. More than Eviscerate which crit for over 9000. Contrasting this damage to other damage that is also not mitigated by armor, like Darkmoon Card and Bandits, I did well over 70% of Lickerzz's health before the Kidney Shot faded. I comforted Lickerzz.. "There's nothing to be ashamed of except for our bodies. Blizzard will fix me, believe in the power of Blizzard."

Altogether, a consideration of these damages would tone down the Rogue's opener. These are not intended as the "End-All, Be-All" Rogue fix, but something to consider before overhauling fundamentals of the class. Even then, without regarding these items, Rogues would still do massive amounts of unmitigated damage on openers.

Indirect Rogue Buffs

Ghostcrawler already announced Thorn-like auras were being redesigned as they blatantly counter rogues more than intended. This buff alone warms my heart more than a Beatles Bonfire.

It should be more widely known these auras do deserve a proactive hot fix. My druid (Daays) who I 3v3 with on Tinafeyy, my alliance Tichondrius rogue, has thorns that hit over 500 a click. With my education, I can safely call this a Passive Retaliation from a class that has no regard to the damage they do: They safely use instant HoTs in tree form without knowing they're killing rogues. It confuses me more than Boggle Night why a healing class who is virtually immortal (Jesus) has attacks like these.

There are more considerations to fine tune the rogue class; however, a lot of petitioned buffs would blatantly OP the class. Now if you'll excuse me, the raccoon meat just finished cooking and my Bible Trivia team won't win the Moses Memorial Medal by themselves.

shindo out

The Hokage and Ring of Valor are back and here to stay

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 16:08:03 -0400

Ring of valor makes a come back, appears they fixed elevator

even against over 300 players (Big ass Kintt) protesting, Blizzard decided it was a good idea to put the Ring of Valor back in WoW. i thought "Maybe they made an entirely different arena" but no I was dead wrong. dead ******* wrong. it is the eots of arena, no one in their right mind wants to play it. WoW is one of the few games where official maps actually discourage competitive playing.. the development of ring of valor looks like something Big Ass Kintt ****s out of his big ass after eating 300 hot wings. A big flaming ass ****.

Lately kintt was dueling on his priest vs me on the big ass malganis where i xfered to and got farm status'd as usual even with a patch that carries his big ass harder than the big ass crane that lowers him into his apartment. His complaint: "I am playing 300 ms".. if by playing he means eating and ms he means wings ya I can agree but never has it affected his gameplay before. The real reason he couldn't eat his way out of this duel:

stoneform nerf.

desperately popping ******* wings, B. A. Kintt couldn't keep himself up against me without a 30 second immunity to rogues. Thank god blizzard finally addressed this, it is about time they start reading from my blog to balance WoW. I mean, Wotf's duration was cut at wotlk, why would something like Stoneform stay in?? the answer: Blizzard hates rogues.

big ass kintt commensed **** talking like he is skilled in 3.1:

but the joke is on him. just for ****s, here is a story about Big Ass Kintt you have not even heard. When big ass Kintt went to grade school and didnt have his big ass jeep yet, he had to take the retard bus to school as the hydrolics were the only way to push his big ass into a vehicle. that isnt even the end of the story -- one day that prankster thinks it would be funny to pop ******* wings in the bus. needless to say he was expelled from school the following day and the rest is history -- he's been a wings champion ever since.

engineering -- The New Dwarf Class?

High burst, low cooldown, instant cast ranged abilities off the global. Does this sound familiar? Like how i described to fix the rogue glass during 3.0.9?

one month earlier:

Explosive Shuriken (NO GLOBAL) 5 second duration - 1 minute cooldown. 25 Energy.

Requires throwing weapon. 8-41 Yards.

The Rogue's conception of time is lost as he hurls Shurikens dealing fire damage depending on how fast explosive shuriken is spammed. More damage accumulates as more shurikens are thrown at the target. After the 5 seconds additional explosion damage occurs.

Lightning Generators, Hand Mounted Wings, Bandits Insignia, Sprint Boots. yes blizzard took a hint from my how-to-fix-rogues-manual-guide but they applied this fix to anyone who is willing to spec engineering or is human (100% of the game population). so now you have classes like priests with rogue burst capabilities which is 100% out of line and anti-kite abilities like rocket boots.. i am sorry Blizzard if i make myself unclear but this Blog is intended for rogues only, stop homogenizing every class every spec to be instant cast ranged nukes. jesus.

not to mention the reflective abilities in this game are getting out of control. 400 damage from thorn ticks, 300 from ret aura and thousands from reflective shield priests, you will see ret, priest, thorns druid queueing up to counter rogue teams.. however, i think this is a great direction for the game: single dimension in the sense you can spam healing spells against a rogue and kill him without thinking about it. yes i think this is a good direction. on opposite day.

high ratings, good weapons, no risk

so everyone knows ulduar was a farce in difficulty since the entire instance was cleared in a week, so hardmode weapons will be out sooner than later. but do you want them even faster?

if you're 2200-2400 wingz making rating, i guarantee you will not lose more than 20 rating on your way to 2300 (Hardmode Furious Weapons). if you some how didnt get 2300 because you were losing more than 0 wings a game, please post some screenshots. i'm interested how the Ulduar Arena System (UAS) actually works in case there's money to be had selling wings again.

{f}ivezorz out

Big Kintts Exit; Rogue Changes for 3.2

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 14:08:26 -0400

For everyone coming here to read about big Kintt again, i apologize but i have some bad news: there will be no more Big Kintt. i am sorry to say but his sponsor was upset as hell reading wat i wrote so i am forced to write about rogues again. (Btw im bluffing about the kintt thing)

I was forced to remove Kintt from my apartment after Wacky Wingz Friday. we sat down at the dinner table to eat some wings and wings thinks it would be funny to stick a wing up his nose then he started choking on a chicken bone which got sucked down his esophogus. being the size Kintt is, it is IMPOSSIBLE to do the heimlich so i was forced to do mouth to mouth to ress him. As I'm doing this, then he french kissed me and said it was all big joke

that is when i've had enough. i have had enough with him eating all the potato chips but french kissing me on top of jizzing on my monitor repeated times made me honestly consider kicking him out. i did not mention he filled my ipod touch with 32 gigs of hentai porn the day it came in and wrote a program to make the tits bounce when he jizzed on them. This was worse than the time I came home early from Wings and I found him using my flesh light after I bought him his own special accomodating Wingz-Light. i had enough with this weirdo..

I called the best pet control in the game and they knocked him unconscious with a flash bang like they do with 800 pound gorillas similar to Kintts size except he is bigger than 3 gorillas; the court issued a restraining order that he would never step foot within 300 yards of my moms house.

so now my life is back to normal, I return to my blogging post as the Savior and Hokage.

Throw

currently, every class has a running ranged attack or multiple ranged attacks which are instant. Instant casts use to be what made a rogue a rogue: in the early days of wow, Paladins actually had to juke (I'm not making this up). Now they Holy Light instants after spamming instant cleanses and instant freedoms and instant div shields. This shall not stand..

Throw should be off the global and make poisons applicable to level 80 Thrown and beyond. Making a rogue stand still to cast a 1.5 second throw as their only ranged is dumb as Wingz at a fitness gym.

and i'm only saying this once: Deadly Throw should interrupt spells and also work properly without disorienting your character/spamming globals on use. tired of my character spinning and doing 180s like Big Kintt at a salad bar, its BULL SH*T.

Cloak of Shadows / Evasion

CLOS spell should be 100% or even 110% to compensate for pve players who stack over 50% hit to make Cloak worthless. it should also be reverted to a 1 minute cooldown untalented: deathknights AMS is 45 second cd and even better than CLOS untalented.

Evasion should also award 50% parry to the rogue. this would protect the rogue against behind stuns. it is frustrating when a hunters deterrence and passive dodge/parry is more efficient than Evasion while hunters wear mail which should be weighing him down. game doesnt make since at all..

a rogues defences are only as strong as the laptop he smashes... .

Dispell Resistance

with Paladin's cleanse being removed from the global next patch, there will be no reason for rogues to use poisons. Kintt eats wings at a rate of 300 WPM (Wings-Per-Minute) and until my rogue's PPM (Poison-Per-Minute) equals his WPM there is no chance of winning a duel vs paladin. if you think i'm kidding about cleanse being off the global, check the newest patch notes.

Rogues in deep assassination need a new poison which is a basic rip off of affliction warlocks spell called Unable Affliction. For those who don't know, UA is a instant DOT which, upon dispell, does 8000 damage to the target and also silences everyone in a 30 yard range. in other words, its bull ****. it can be castable on multiple people which basically makes fears more reliable than kidneyshots. it has come to my knowledge paladins can also remove stuns from players. I do not know when this was implemented but this goes to show how every ability by a paladin is instant-cast rogue-counter.

Deadly Brew should also make crippling proc instantly. What is my crippling poison even waiting for to proc? for the 300 wings order to be delieverd? well here's a bomb shell: poisons cant even eat wings.

Kidney Shot on DR

2 second 5 point kidneyshots is like the time i ordered a big drum of just chicken skin.

--

so i'm writing the outline to my blog and i hear a big ass knock on my door which shakes the foundation of my entire neighboorhood. Take a guess who was knocking. Take a big guess.

"I'm busting this door down in 5 seconds!"

kintt what the **** is he doing here. even a swat team couldnt restrain him from coming to my house. "Get the **** off my neighboorhood's lawn!!" i yelled through the barricaded door..

"Popping Wings!!!"

i could not afford kintt breaking down another doorway in my house from wings so i let him inside.

anyway Kintt did a 180 deadly throw back to my house after he forgot his 300 pound hentai collection so i let him in to collect his **** so i could be rid of everything that reminds me of him. i let him sit down and we chatted about the good days of 2.2 and i realized he is not so bad; i pardoned him for french kissing me and we called KFC to order the biggest wings in the game. besides I did not mention he was great at pleasuring me orally from all practicing he does on the breasts he pleasures before eating.

then he told me about some party at Chuck-E-Cheese where he had sex with some girlz named Melissa. said her tits were bigger than his (big kintt likes that in a women) 300lbs in just the tits.. and that he noodled on those Big Wingz and got her pregnant (12 year olds dont use birth control).

does this sound like Big Kintt at all? no, for one i know this ****s all made up cause he's never left his house his entire life. he was just trying to make me jealous hes sleeping with other girls and make me want him back but the big jokes on him cuz i aint gay.

i started to feel woozy.. kintt looked thinner than usual.. he drugged the drinks he and i passed out... the only thing i remember was slamming my head into the glass table i specially designed to hold 300 wings... when i woke up i did not see Kintt and finally thought he'd be gone.. I sighed in relief.

i felt something in my pants. big kintt was french kissing me again. French kissing my *******. i kicked him in his big head and a wing fell out of his mouth and ran out of my house. i am moving to Chicago and changing my address -- seriously the only way to rid me of kintt.

{f}ivezorz out

2500 Weekends With Big Kintts

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 13:02:37 -0400

Kintt, otherwise known as Big Kintt around my underground loft and Papajohns on TR, has snatched the title of arena savior right under my nose. Not only did he smash the seemingly fish-faced Serennia and similarly gay-faced Kigz, Big Kintt has also saviored the arena in secret with a patch change I consider the Biggest of WoTLK Arena. . next stop: removing Death Knights.

{f}ivezorz out

Depression

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 12:26:15 -0500

SUP. mom is playing the "new month new rent" card on me, meaning i cannot keep blogging if i do not win the Gameriot Blogging Tournament Realm. Note: +1s are required if i am to keep blogging. is this a joke? no

season five without a doubt has been the worst season in all time of blizzards epic game of Warcraft. the skill level plumetted to standards of Ghostcrawling levels and jesus himself is begging for crucifixion than playing the sins of 3.1. its obvious wats happening, we're going through an Recession in game that no one not even Obama or Jesus can get us out of.

but everyone's told me WoW's recession proof, and i whole heartedly believe with my whole heart that is true for IRL. Its clear as a bell IRL wow has made over 500 billion dollars in the last year from subscriptions alone not to mention the Trading cards which is more popular than Pokemon and Digimon combined. what about in game where it counts. In game WoW may be recession proof but it is not depression proof. Blizz u better hope ur headquarters bulletproof as Ive hired Neilyo the Devastating Mind Control to awp the headshots off Ghostcrawler. from my understanding Neilyo is mo talented at cs 1.6 than wow so u better be wearing a kelvlar and helmet and using a game genie if u plan on seeing 3.1 be released GhostC.

The Great Depression of WoW

wow feels like 3 atomic bombs of great depressions. Arena ratings are inflated through the metaphorical roof; 10-10 use to land you below 1500 rating but Roma's almost past 1800. what does this mean for the middle class casual? do the math: at 100-100 casuals will be breaking the freaking 3,000 barriers, this isn't considering how OP hunters still are. Ur making ur community feel like an atomic burn Nagasaki victim Blizz. It burns more to keep playing ur game and getting explosive shotted than it does for me to pee.

The Great Migration West

when you even lose 1 player to a game like Age of Conan, you know something is wrong with the management and developers of Blizzard. Close your eyes. Now imagine populating the entire Age of Conan community of 1500 players. Imagine losing 300 players to quake live. Open your eyes. You have 14 million subscribers in your face giving you negative ebay feedback,Now imagine street fighter 4 taking up to 1000 players. That's over a million subscribers you lost within the hour it took me to write this paragraph. Worried blizz? should be..

The Unskilled Laborer

Who does this sound like? click keyboard turning clicking click face roll click. Did it sound like how Minor clicked his way to a sponsorship? sure did to me. the skill level is at an all time LOW Blizz. proof this isn't even a joke.

When a player like Minor is sponsored the only feasible explanation is a Great Big Depression. I know last blog I commented that girl gamers can also compete no matter how terribad but can't we split them in their own WNBA? WWOW? Take a note blizz, the 3rd rule that ended the Big Depression was the Separate but Equal clause in which we locked women in the kitchen to complete the 2nd commandment for us all. you create WWOW and i promise the competitive gaming scene will improve ten fold or i'll shut down my blog. (I'm bluffing, a swat team couldnt make me take down this blog.)

The Introduction of Welfare Welfare Epics

One Word: 25m Naxx. you want to know why we're in a depression? cause i cant sell arena points and players are getting better loot out of Naxx than they use to from even buying arena points. 25m naxx is the bread line of wow where you can find all the worst jews and women in line. you are splitting up families and guilds here blizz.. just last night my guild leader canceled our 3AM 25m naxx so he could pick up his kid from soccer practice. what the hell.

Ending the Great Blizzard Depression

How did the Big Depression end? The same way i ended my marriage through rioting and the destruction of the government ending with the breaking of Franklin W. Roosevelt's legs. Gamers, unite, as the only way to over throw Blizzard is to literally Game Riot. take ur rioting to the WOW forums OLDSCHOOL Affix style. If blizz aint convinced we'll hold an oldschool bible burn of WoW copies and douse our subscriptions in keroseen. If this doesn't teach a lesson, we can still play wow... but we dont have to enjoy it. I wouldn't impose the community to play Age of Conan.. considering they aren't even recession proof irl. is that a joke?

{f}ivezorz out

Hoop Dreams w/ Nick the MC Hammer On TR

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 12:25:09 -0500

SUP. If you enjoyed Yesterdays triumph over GibtehBadx rub it in his face with more +1s. The Hokage Appreciate It.

playing WoW is a sport. everyone knows it. being a sport, there are qualifications for a member to join the team I sweat your blood for whilst spending countless hours training. It is the basketball of internet gaming: compositions, $ponsor$hips, and we even allow women to compete. (even if theyre terrible!)

Professional's Professional Guide to Positions:

(A) Kobe Bryant. a literal convicted rapist. someone who takes charge and carries ur team, even if he bangs drama in the ass. (drama is a 13 year old girl).
(B) Dennis Robman. this is usually me -- a free spirit who plays by my own rule book (the terms according to the rules in WoW). generally speaking, the freak on ur team who no one likes to associate themself with.
(C)Tiger Woods. the solo career player who can carry the team no matter how big of terribads the other two are. this is usually me.

So today I was drafting some new players to my team and the first is a paladin named Nick. me and Nick go way back 3 years on Mal'Ganis when we were rookies; we played for fun, we learned what a keybind was together and i even taught him how to play Ret. the reason i played with Nick the MC Hammer from the start is simple: He's black. World of Basketballcraft is probably the only thing black people will ever be good at, hence Nicks almost abnormal level of Skill.

except this time, Nick was playing a rogue. Coming from the Horses mouth i know rogues suck. after 2 hours Nick finally convinced me he was more viable than a hunters crab so i invited him to my Roster but i thought he would've been mucher fit on a Death knight as their specials actually crit for 8000 and can dispell HOTs and also apply AOE dots. Rogue specials do nothing, not even damage. Proof: our first game vs Hunter Paladin lasted 15 minutes and we eventually lost when I realized one thing -- Nick ain't the ***** I thought he was.. ***** plays like a white boy on the WoW court. This is my court!

i pulled the "AFK I have to goto Wendys, it's two towns away" card and never came back. when i came back I removed him from the roster without thinking about him ever again. this is proof if you play your cards right, you never ever have to play with blacks. and this wasnt my only prize but also a delicious Wendys hamburger made from 100% never frozen real beef.

i had a lot of expectations from u, Nick but you lie to me. you told me you can slam dunk a basketball but you're slam dunkin donuts faster than Noktyn at Fat Camp. u were to be my point guard, my Kobe Bryant, my Bugs Bunny but u are the bigger flop than the Neilyo and Serennia 2008 All Star roster. may god have mercy on ur soul.

??

As Michael jordan and team captain it's my job to determine the weight load of my team. this is a lesson learned from playing with Nick the MC Hammer.. how much can one carry without breaking their ankles? Will i still be able to dunk? To Know My Limitz. observe.

Question: Who's harder to carry, Chumpjohn or the Monstars? Screenshot of myself, Tiger Woods, carrying my team against the Monstars:

but this was compared to the weight of carrying Chumpjohn..

I wouldnt be so mean if my team members werent all minors and threks. and i'm not a Kobe Bryant, I DONT play with Minors. and until hewp, my Michael Phelps, finally finishes his essay i'm gonna be having sex with all the minors i can. while playing wow with none of them.

{f}ivezorz out

Lickerzz, Xom Contribute: Tips to 2500 On the TR

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 12:22:31 -0500

first i would like to point out my blog is under siege by GibTehSix, a gameriot Blog champion of a few hundred dollars:

"Anyways, I just wanted to say that shindofivezorz is the worst blogger on Gameriot at the moment. He attempts to draw attention to himself while horribly ripping off Roma's style."

If u got a problem u can take it up with Slapnuts under copyright infringement. otherwise u can deal with this like a man and say it to my face u *****y little brat. If anyone thinks im copying Roma Victor, +1 Like my blog. this will teach gibtehsix a lesson - u dont mess with the Hokage.

im done venting: Real Blog time: Shaman tips: From a Rogue Perspective: Shindo

Learning a new class is not as hard as everyone says; my rogue skills translate to even better shaman skills. the minmax perspective (AKA Climbing Mount Doom ladder of TR) of shamanism is another story; keeping up totems, using heal spells and the occasional water shield all put a lot of strain on my brain. Along with shaman tips I will present hunter tips, but Blizz honestly designed hunters in mind that it's easier to take a **** while doing a handstand than failing at pressing explosive shot/aimed shot.

1. Buffs before an arena match

When I played Rogue, the only Buffing i did before an arena match was tab out and read Gameriot. occasionally, i would glyph sprint to the bathroom and take a 30 second ****. (Got this on fraps) thats all changed now -- as a shaman, i have buffs to dish out and that buff is mainly Earthshield. now how do u buff someone with earthshield u ask? Easy, early worm gets the worm -- whoever zones in first gets the earthshield on my team.

TIP WITHIN A TIP:

This is ensures your team members to zone in games.

2. Do not forget about Heroism

This is 2 levels of difficulty harder than Tip #1. Heroism is the reason my team even uses me; they keep threatening me they'll replace me with Minor on paladin if I don't Heroism. When im click Heroism, the match suddenly changes -- my team's hunter transforms into Legolas during Helms Deep and crashes an explosive helicopter on top of 9000 orcs. how does he do that? Heroism buffs the damage done by all party members by 20%. if thats not enough to kill someone, I toss a Earthshock as an execute, which can crit up to 2000.

3. Totem placement

its not just about using totems, cuz I mastered keybinding totems within 3 months of playing. now its all about Totem placement. by totem placement i mean placing ur totems in a secret spot on the map so no one sicks their pet on it.

By placing ur most important totems out of view, like.. Mana Tide, Earthbind totem, they have a big chance to stay up and heal the team. if this is not obvious to you, you can always create a hunter who uses 0 management skills in order to break 2400. Proof:

I recently interviewed Hunter Savior Xom on what class he rerolled (he chose hunter, smart one):

im top 60 [on sk100] on my hunter, i havent bound aspects, im using a castrandom macro which has explosive, aimed, arcane and kill shot on it. i ahve not bound any pet abilities. the things which i have bound i have not given any thought to.

no im not joking.

is this a joke? NO he says hes not joking!!

4. Keep Up Heals

in a typical arena match, damage is being inflicted to ur team. the easiest way to avoid death is using healing spells and disconnecting (Paperkat).

Important Note: Double Check the target you're healing is actually losing HP.

interview with Lickerzz, highest rated player on Bay side about keeping up heals:

Lickerzz: A lot of games, about 90%, I did the math.. I yell "BIG heal incoming!!" and Huggerz says "thank u hooly **** shindo was raping me.." I yell back in his face "JK IM threk"

Lickerzz: Pro Tip: If your team thinks you are Threk, they will play better from expecting no heals.

shindo: wait wait WAIT IS This even Lickerzz.

5. Which Race?

of course u want to choose Alliance, as they have the best racials (Look at sk 10,000 every player is alliance) but which race is the best for your shaman?

: extra 1% hit to group is the biggest buff. Gift of the Naaru is under rated -- no one knows it secretly scales with attack power. the obvious choice for ur race is Draeniei, preferably female cause they got big tits.

--

well im gonna be neglecting my homework all weekend to play TR1 and Quake Five. if anyone wants to play with me you can contact me at

{f}ivezorz out

Blizzard's 3.1 Arena Fix

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 12:21:26 -0500

wrapping up yesterdays blog with the final key to flawless victory:

Use Whatever Means Necessary To Finance Your Gaming

just as my mom headed to work, I unstealthed from the bathroom and tiptoed to her room. i silently crack open the door but it screechingly creaks and awakes the Guardian: Oliver (my cat). peering in, i spot pot of gold: her old purse with her debit card. fortunate for me, she is an old timer who still pays writing checks IRL..

after death gripping the purse, i sprint back to my underground loft at 100% movement speed (Glyphed Sprint) and punch in the number on blizzards site. [success!]

Question: Is pickpocketing my own mother illegal? No.* it may not be my bank account, but since she left her purse wide open and oliver didnt stop me it's technically my money. and what the hell am i gonna do if I can't play WoW? Not a damn thing.

*Disclaimer: This is a felony.

"why?" do u ask I needed that money? Answer: to test the TR and protect my loved ones from the current imbalances of arena by sacrificing unhealthy amounts of hours playing it. no other rogue have a history of consistently blogging like i do either.

How to Fix arenas, Permanently:

before going into the permanent solution to fixing arenas, i would like to draw ur attention to Blizzard's development of WoTLK and how they resolved difficult solutions of difficulty and boredom. With the introduction of vehicles, leveling was the best part about WoTLK by unanimous consent; Strand of the Ancient's use of vehicles is the most innovative PVP design since Southshore zergs. WinterGrasp is my favorite part of the week. do you think Blizz designed these with the intent of Raiders and Levelers only? No, Ghostcrawler himself texted me the buzz on Arena in 3.1:

Introducing Vehicles Only Arena: Riders of Lohan

before you think I'm kidding (I'm not kidding) stop and ask yourself "how many issues would be solved with this?". Your Brain's Response: Every issue. No more class imbalances. No more gear imbalances. No more explosive shot. No more rogues dropping a 120 energy load on cloth during kidney shot pulling off the devastating Mutilate -> Mutilate -> Eviscerate (Ghostcrawler's justification for Destroying Mutilate). this is the end all be all fix to arenas and it is only a matter of time before its released (3.1).

just what is Riders of Lohan? Simple: Players transform into dragons (the ones from Malygos) which are known as Lohans and lay waste to the other team using fireballs. the terrain? there is none, everyone is flying around which makes it funner anyway. the location? Malygos's Final Destination off Super Smash Bros Melee. i already see PVPers moving to their Fraps folders to delete and make room for the NEW skilled pvp. i'm watching Hafu outside her window right now as she's dragging her folder to the recycle bin. .good girl..heh heh..

anyway...

neglecting my homework for weeks straight to pump out these blogs is taking a toll on my grades. with that, my last information is for the kids: 30 Rock comes on NBC tonight, i'll be watching it and so should you.

{f}ivezorz Out

Managing Your IRL to Win In Game

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 12:20:19 -0500

some times, it's not you. You dont know why you just lost that arena match. You pressed Explosive Shot and you Disengaged. What went wrong?

Your irl got in the way. You're an Arena Champion in game.. but how do u hold up IRL? behold..

Do Not Use Press To Talk On Ventrilo

arena last night did not go so well to begin with. lag, hunter cleave teams, space jam was on TBS.. lost ten games in a row. i stepped back and looked back at my life(screenshot) contemplating what i truly am: a champion. but why am I losing? i pondered.. saddened yet determined, i washed down my Mexican Win Steak with a box of donuts and carried on Noktyn style.

so why was I losing? heres why: I forgot to shave my knuckles to make me more aerodynamic when i fight. my pinky controls my Vanish key as well, (Z) which is a real pain to pull off unless my knuckles have been shaved (OR waxed).

Take note: IF you're using Push to Talk, Shave your knuckles. Thank me later.

Sacrifices to the Body

since moving back into my mom's underground loft, i have constructed a Cardboard Box Desk Fort for maximum comfort (dont have a real desk anymo -- Thug Life). this has a toll on my posture. looking like a fish hook when standing up doesn't stop the Hokage from trash talking *****es about my 2400 Rating Blogs.

and it doesnt stop with the body..

Sacrifices to the Heart

proven fact: upon Marriage, popular rogue become Nonfactor piece of trash.
proven fact 2: Upon dumping girlfriend, happy rogue picks up Sponsorships and is the most hyped player of 2009.

u knew going into this relationship its a commitment, there is no backing down to defend the community of your loved ones(The Rogues). i got a million lists of problems and a ***** aint one. Genital Warts are my only problem.

Sacrifices to the Laptop

i have been embarrassed too many times in front of my team, my community, my mom, everyone. last night tho.. i rise from the shadows..

so i'm arenaning last night on my way to flawless Victorian smashing all the best teams on B G 9 on the way up.. this is not my first time going up to 10 wins in a row; ive 9-0'd many times yet failed --but i'm feeling it tonight, 3rd times a charm. but the 10th game goes a little like this..

i have to carry my team (as usual) coming down to a 1v1 between me VS (versus) a druid. im at 300 hp and i pull off the sickest blind and cloak begin bandaging as any other Pro would (thorns would obviously kill me). the second i click Band aid, (Ultimate Triage achievement catches me off guard) i pressed S Key for one second breaking the channeling and jeopardizing my win.. with my 10th game on the line for the 4th time and $25,000, My Only Choice Remaining: I smashed my laptop with a hammer. .

a rogue is only as strong as the laptop he smashes.

Take Breaks

i'm not gonna nag like my mom does about taking breaks from the computer so u can take out the cat litter cuz there's **** spilling on the carpet. You need to take breaks with the main reason being your partners are likely annoying you and breaking ur focus subconsciously. I DO NOT mean leave the computer -- Do Dailies, Vehicles are the new Murloc Suit.

what are signs your partners may be blowing a load on your brains with their stupidly inbred jizz? maybe ur team achieves Mexican Win Streaks multiple times. maybe they sound like raging baboons when they're cc'd. maybe i hate them cuz he's not the real swarm. maybe i just hate them cause they counterspell tremor totem (more than once). there are many reasons to hate someone, here are ways to get out of arenaning with them:

emergency piano lessons
your temperature is 104 degrees
taking out the cat litter
solar eclipse
mom says i've been on the computer too much

i'm wont go on a tirade about how my arena partners are stupid whiny *****es and cant play cuz they fall off bridges and cant heal me then complain about me blogging about it cuz they cant face facts until its on the internet for everyone to read and laugh at. Hokage aint got time for titty babies.

Talent: Quiverin' Sting of Regretful Decisions (replaces Premed)

Taking advantage of Sap's inner ninja, the Rogue can now sap targets which are in combat and also while out of stealth. This buff lasts 30 seconds.

Talent: Overkill replacement (renamed to Dirty Load of Balanced Blades)

After leaving stealth, the rogue's damage is buffed by 20%. This effect stacks if Rogue stealths multiple time consecutively.

Glyph of Wound Poison: The damage from Wound Poison equivalently burns the target's mana.

next blog: introducing Nun Chucks of Apocalyptic Explosions (The End All Be All Rogue Spec)

{f} OUT (fivezorz)

shindo drop: professional news feeds

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 12:10:32 -0500

hello this is my first attempt at being a professional news broadcaster. there is a an important reason for me to do this, i apologize if this is off putting to everyone who comes here for rogue tips.

My First most important message: I will be returning the quality content that was deleted. most content is back thanks to me saving it on notepad, however it appears mysteriously some of my contetn was removed from gameriot.com without warning. thankfully i am aware of this (they deleted my yog convo one time so now i save every post on NOTEPAD FTW) so i saved everything on NOTEPAD FTW!

content should be up in a day or two, be patient my rogues.

radiohead disses Miley Cyrus

did anyone watch The Grammys this year? radiohead, one of the most best bands in the world (I used them in a pvp movie) attended and performed 15 step in all its glory with the USC marching band. this, however, is not as big as the bombshell im about to post:

Miley Cyrus dissed by radiohead

according to my sources, miley cyrus is a mega fan of radiohead. they're like, by her own words, "Like my rock gods." she asked her manager to pull all strings so she might be able to meet Thom Yorke, (who she keeps referring to as Radiohead) claiming Radiohead is the only man she would cry to meet.

her manager comes back from Radioheads dressing room, 4 rooms from her own, with Radioheads response: "We don't do that kinda thing." Miley Cyrus was so distraught she left when Radiohead performed and claimed "like, I will ruin them!"

Cheap Seinfeld DVDs @ amazon

did anyone buy the complete season of seinfeld for $500 from barnes n nobles the first weeks it came out? well here's some news: your favorite drama is now on sale at Amazon for a whopping $99. the Hokage bought 3 copies so he can ebay 2 of them.

update: amazon jacked it up to $180 after seeing the impact my blog has. sorry everyone.

Grizzly Bear (not the animal) album leak

grizzly bears new album, Veckatimest, was recently leaked (i think on march 2nd). the album was to be released in May which was offputting to the band that it leaked so early. They were later reminded it is 2009 and not 1900s in their official quote.

i downloaded the bootleg @ www.ateaseweb.com if anyones interested on their music forum. note: i did not actually download this, i hate grizzly bears. black bear is the best bear.

ESL Upset Stomach

i have word that the recent Upset at ESL, Noktyns stomach, is going to delay the use of public restrooms in order to remove gaseous liquids from the vacinity. lets hope this does not interfere with the games as i am praying to the Gods that SK-EU (Xom's team) takes home the golden cup of $300,000. you can visit Mings Blog for streams as they're on 24-7 until next week.

Beatles Rock Band site released

not much to say here, the beatles rock band game has a website with literally no content (similar to most blogs here). the game is set for september 9 release.

last, the most importantly disastrous news of all time on Shindos Newsfeed:

Dirty Jonas Discontinued

from my sources, it appears The Dirty Jonas was too Rated R to be continued on gameriot. this comes as a shock to me as there are blogs with real pornographic material (pictures) while all he does is fantasize about the Dirty Jonas Brothers.

as the only subscriber to The Dirty Jonas, i am outraged.

{f}ivezorz out

Shiv Nerfed - Rogues Viability Down the Toilet

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 11:39:07 -0500

Hello viewer

have you ever sailed on a boat. let the wind breeze through ur flowing undead female's hair as you set sail from Booty Bay to Miama to Denver. or been boarded by butt pirates (i wont go there.) the rogue class feels a lot like this ship, I ride it every day for my health; the ocean breeze smiles, calming my soul and i realize im at piece with Azeroth and i think to myself "if this rogue ship goes down, i will go down with it so long as i'm the life preserving savior."

Why I rerolled Shaman

my edge as a rogue gives me an edge as an even better shaman. as shaman I gained the Fore sight knowledge and now can glimpse into the future: Me playing Shaman -- its not a permanent change but I dont forsee playing anything else. its wat my shaman gut is telling me.

maybe blizz has something in store for rogues. ON OPPOSITE DAY no im kidding, they nerfed Shiv, our last viable special.. Shiv was the last straw for me to deleting Shindo (bluffing). some day, maybe i will do a 360 and moonwalk back to the class which taught me bout Life. prob wont do that, i do not want to be affiliated with being a ***. if i wanted to play Rogue (a piece of ****) i would just play Age of Conan rofl.

Blizzards Thought Process

Hypothetical Question: You are on a boat and only 5 people can remain on board or it sinks. U can choose the women or children. OR you can choose the people who are the Saviors of the boat. Who do u choose to live?

Answer: its a trick question, the children are survival spec hunters and the women dont even have 300 cooking skill. and by the 2nd of the Ten Commandments

(2) Women are to make sandwiches when I'm hungry

my only choic is to put them down with a shot gun so we can sail back to America (spoilers) without any problems like on the movie Titanic.

have u ever wondered why hunters and warlocks are getting buffed. there's ur answer: women and children. on Blizzard's ship they have the criminal idea of saving women and children on a boat. to me this is STUPID!! The Rogues (Now shamans) Always come first. Women, aka Warlocks (They both start with a W) seem like a good choice to save -- theyre adorable, have breasts and make me sandwiches when im hungry. (sandwichs = health stones) More importantly: Why do we NOT save women? Answer: they make a pissed face when i want a sandwich like theyre mature (they're not). This is the reason Hilary Clinton was not even elected president. Take notes hilary and all women around Azeroth: Your class is OP but that doesn't mean aneone likes u. (Goes for Minor, u arent fooling anyone just cause u look like a dude).

why does a hunter pet have more viability in World of Warcraft than a rogue? Why bring a Rogue to an arena match if you can bring a Hunter pet. This is a human beings life at stake -- You don't bring a crab to a poker match, that would be cheating. and with the Perfect Storm of Tidal Waving **** (Pets getting Pummel) of 3.1, the gap between Rogues competing against hunter pets will be as closed as my butt hole. if anything i'm hoping a questline is implemented so rogues can reroll to be hunter pets so i can at least compete at ESL and meet Ming. Think Twice if U think Im Kidding: Blizzard's one design rule: Innovative.

im on the Tournament realm (1) now, if someone could tell me where the Glyph Lexicon is i would appreciate it. otherwise shoot ur Shindo a friendly hello and maybe i'll give a ****, prob not.. but.. Good luck to all Hunters and Warlocks on the tourney realm!!

{f}ivezorz out

My Retirement from Comedy

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 20:04:54 -0500

sorry Rogues for the break in writing. i had a serious case of writers block; when i opened my diary to start blogging, all my diary pages would disappear completely after i wrote on them, just like in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets..weird.. then my quill even threatened to ban me if i liked blogging, but i beat writers block by not believing my quill can actually talk cause it cant. but my quill cursed me with his dying breath.., "if anyone likes your blog.. Avada Kadavra..." so what ever you do, do not .

and this is not my retirement from comedy, i was bluffing.

??

U know most people post an indturdtoctory post explaining who they are? So then everyone knows why to never read their blog again? The reason ive been so successful on Gameriot: i never posted an introduction when i signed up on gameriot 3 years ago but people are now wondering: Just Whom Is That Shindo?

i am a blogist, 23 years old. I believe the reason why God put me on earth is to win the blogging tournament. this is gods will; if u counter Gods Will, u will have bad luck for 3 years. believe it!

people dont know my history of living on the streets. Vir Claimed my mother fed me lead paint flavored chips as a child but thats not even the truth. on the streets in Bay Side with Inactive and Trance, Tang was the legit replacement for breast milk, not paint flavored chips. do your research next time before u open ur big mouth next time Vir or else..

my plans for this blog? in the end i want it to be a monumental screenshot to show my kids i will always be better than them. in 20 years i want them to look upon this blog and know Dad was the best gameriot bloggist ever. and to show them i had beter friends than them, friends like Yog who won blizzcon playing with his feet. i recently interviwed him on the day i took screenshots of my dominance on gameriot..:

shindo: i screenshotted the right panels
shindo: im Shindofivezorz
yog: Big Gay Shindo
shindo: i am going to show my kids one day
yog: i'll check it out later
shindo: this will prove to my kids i wasnt a loser, i was a champion
yog: wont stop ur kids from having gay sex with each other

some times I like crashing my car to make the airbags go off.. I enjoy Schweppes, its my gaming beverage of choice (will blog more about this later). my duty is protecting the happiness of others and defending my loved ones (the Shaman class now, sorry rogues). i like to idle on vent and listen in privately on others conversations without them knowing, some times i go in vents named Noktyn or Ming so im allowed in the secret pass sworded channels. Anything to get the big inside scoop of ice cream drama for my Rogues.

I also have a cat named Oliver but i'm not some crazy frickin weirdo like Zilea who takes pictures of himself with his cat.

Screenshot of myself with my cat:

note: my cat can not actually shoot a gun. note: i am not Max Payne.

now, i leave u with a tip rogues on how to watch the ESL tournament streams:

believe in your eyes, for without them, you would be blind..

{f}ivezorz out

3.1 Notes Analyzed from 25000 Perspective

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 18:45:18 -0500

Rogues,

i tender my resignation or whatever from the Rogue class after inspection of the rogue patch notes. i've rarely been so confused and angered in my life, particularly at Hunters and Paladins. a lot in the ol Hokage's head as usual. btw im bluffing -- I'm not resigning from Rogue Savior and Hokage. Blizzard would have to pry my cold dead Serennia fingers off the keyboard if i were to die and resign.

what will I say about the Patch Notes? the bulk of the notes look like theyre written by a little brat. Hunter BUFFS? Is that a joke? Wyvern Sting buffed to 30 second duration? I nearly wet my other pair of underpants in raging anger. afterbeing calmed down I read some where else (not The Patch notes) it's actually nerfed to 6 second duration in PVP. blizz what idiot do u hire to write those patch notes out? Jasi? ur lucky i keep my other pair of underpants dry or I would be suing on grounds of destruction of property.

The rogue buffs. Where are they gosh darnit? Are you hiding them cuz u think we can't handle them or u seriously want to die Ghostcrawler? Ur entering a world of pain you little brat.. U destroyed Sinister Strike. U destroyed Backstab. U destroyed Hemo. as of 3.1, our only viable attack will be Shiv. is this some sort of a joke? Come on. I don't even have shiv on my bar, ur blowing my mind here. and something else. Glyph of Mutilate? Thats our ONLY buff? why not make Glyph of Mutilate: Mutilate Poisoned Buff +30% then change Overkill to -5 Energy on Openers on all attacks. PRESTO i just fixed the entire rogue class in less than 10 words and i wasnt even trying.

here's a question: When will shadowstep be trainable and Sprint removed? all rogues find more sense in Trainable Shadowstep and 41 point Subletly Sprint. Every class in the game has a real intercept or blink ability now, (Blink, Disengage, Intercept, Feral Druid Flying Dragon attack, Deathgrip) which are handed out like boxes of donuts. A fundamental difference between Disengage and Shadowstep is skill. Definition of skill: Outsmarting ur opponents so they do something stupid allowing u to outplay them and embarrass them. Know whats not skill? Back pedaling and clicking disengage so u can keep shooting someone cause u are inable to kite someone cuz u were outskilled by rogues who are clever enough without Shadowstep. Why do the rogues suffer when its the hunters who Suck?

Glyph of Cloak of Shadows: Reduces physical damage by 40%.

Please blizz, separate ur left and right brains (Left = Physical damage, Right = Yellow damage). I would rather have a working Evasion for physical damage and a working CLOS for spells. not a mix match of weird b*******. i digress.. maybe i can absorb a rogues kidney shot if I time it right Neilyo style. or I can absorb some warrior damage with CLOS but who even needs that anemore? their titans grip was nerfed by 10% after Blizz saw the screen shot of me dying. warriors: you can 100% put the blame on me that i single handidly destroyed ur pvp viability. Shindo 1, Warriors 0.

Explosive Shuriken (NO GLOBAL) 5 second duration - 1 minute cooldown. 25 Energy.

Requires throwing weapon. 8-41 Yards.

The Rogue's conception of time is lost as he hurls Shurikens dealing fire damage depending on how fast explosive shuriken is spammed. More damage accumulates as more shurikens are thrown at the target. After the 5 seconds additional explosion damage occurs.

Dart Strike [8 second cooldown. 25 energy]

Requires Melee Weapon. Melee range.

A poisoned dart is thrown at the target and his nearest ally inflicting ranged weapon damage increased by the amount of poisons on the target.

--

Blizzard, I trust you can figure out the arithmetic for the damage of these attacks without **ing the entire arena system.

my final 2 notes: Mounted Combat incoming. (Mounted = Vehicles) and Hewp's Return

I called it rogues: new Vehicular Combat TOURNAMENT. Hewp's coming back for the 3s tournament for e-fame, so long as he finishes the essay homework assigned by Blizzard for being a Canadian. Can u believe hes being forced to write a 250 word essay just so he can register? I had to convince him to not quit WoW before he even started again. who is even going to read those essays? No One. and who wants to do homework to play a video game?

{f}ivezorz out

Poker Night

Sat, 21 Feb 2009 22:51:59 -0500

FakeSwarm finally got a new mic this week. it took over a month to come in for some reason, and during that time all we could hear from him was muffled static which we used as a signal that something important was happening. it was almost like playing with the Real Swarm.

3v3 Strats:

Paladin - Death Knight - Warrior

the first game I pull a bluff: i alt tabbed from wow as FakeSwarm queued while moved 2 another channel with mah Thugs (Big Veyl, Big Q-Z-Dia, Big G-Bot). Chillin out with my homies until Kayline comes bumbling in "U need to join the game next time u ****in retard." obviously the other team called my 2 man bluff and defeated us 2v3 instead of AFKing like i intended.. plus Fakeswarm actually talks a lot, who knew?? i hate him.

the real strat vs P-DK-W is to keep it simple. as soon as your strategy gets too complex, there is more that can go wrong. WoW: Arena is a lot like Poker: Overpowered Comps, Bluffing and obesity. Rogues -- it's why i'm a good WoW player, cuz i also excel at Poker.

but pokers aint easy.. talking on vent, clicking mutilate, watching HP bars.. the rare Blind.. all at the SAME time.. there is a lot of **** going around Hokage's head during a poker match. fortunately i'm adhering to a strict tunnelvisioning regiment to keep my arena teams afloat 2400. just like WoW, poker can end in the blink of the eye, and in that blink.. your ratings tank and your partners get pissy.

this is why I'm avoiding FakeSwarmy. he is more terrifying than the real swarm. after each game theres a talk amongst the Team about how we could improve (probably getting rid of my pair of Jack offs is a good start.).. I'm terrorirzed to even lose now cuz im afraid Fake swarms gonna kill me, roll me up in a box of donuts and eat me.

Recklessness Vs Coldblood

Imagine if a rogues Overkill -> Mutilate -> mutilate -> Eviscerate was passively buffed with large amounts of crit. Imagine if that combo killed someone in kidney shot like Head Detective of Blizzard Crime Labs Ghostcrawler claims. as Poker Master and Arena Champion i'm calling ur bluff GC.. i have never been more certain of anything in my life: you've never actually seen World of Warcraft. endorsed by the entire Rogue Community, this is ur final lead and warning for patch 3.1: Buff Assassination or be assassinated.

4 pets vs 1 Rogue

dancing rune weapon, 2 ghouls and a gargoyle killed me in a poker match. what the hell

Bed Time

eventually i had enough of this and pulled the 104 temperature bluff both in game and IRL and logged off. mom made some soup then tucked me into bed at 8.

fivezorz out